Seashells and Sand Castles
by Indubitably Flummoxed
Summary: Another story of the life of Mags, who we only ever knew as the old lady from District 4. Follow her through her Games and afterwards as she realizes that even being a Victor doesn't make life any easier... but maybe she can still survive somehow. T for Hunger Games violence only.
1. Chapter 1: Introductions and Reaping

I wake up to the sound of my little brother, Luis, snoring on the couch. The sky is still dark, it's before dawn, but I have an annoying habit of waking up earlier than I like on Reaping days.

On the night before the Reaping, my cousin, Frederick, would bring home all kinds of sweets we would never be able to eat on any other night, or at least not in that amount, or my mom would have a cardiac arrest, and we would watch old movies while we eat. Most of them are from before the Dark Days, as I've noticed people taken to calling the war.

Anyway, the whole sweets and movies thing is kind of our family tradition to calm our nerves before the "big day." We especially need it this year, because my younger sister, Lilac, turned twelve last month. I remember the night before my twelfth birthday, I cried myself sick. I wouldn't recommend it.

Apparently, these "Games" are a huge hit in the Capitol, that big place filled with strange people that I hope I never have to go to, so they continue every year. They don't have any ideas of it stopping anytime soon; last year, the tenth Hunger Games, Julius Flickerman, the Master of Ceremonies, was saying something about a "Quarter Quell" that would occur every twenty-five years and have a "special twist." They sound sick. But how is that different from everything else about the Hunger Games? They call it the Hunger Games, but I think a more accurate name would be the Death Games. How incredibly creative, I know.

Well, I guess I should back up and introduce myself. My name is Magdalena Oceanus, but everyone calls me Mags. My cousin Frederick started calling me Mags a while ago, and it stuck. I liked it too; at least a lot better than Magdalena. No offense Mom, but Magdalena?! Really?! I'm fifteen years old, so I was around during the Dark Days, but I don't really remember a whole lot about it, I was only four or five years old.

I do remember gathering in the town square one day very soon after the war was over, and a very... colorful person with a strange accent took away two kids and brought them to the Capitol. I didn't realize the significance then, but of course I know now that I was witnessing the very first District 4 Reaping.

Then I noticed something was off. It took a couple seconds to place it, but I realized that it was that Luis wasn't snoring anymore. He rolls over on the couch, looks at me with his scared-little-boy expression, and whispers, "Do you think it'll be me?"

"No, I don't," I lie through my teeth. Luis is fourteen, only a year younger than me, but sometimes it's like he's still a twelve year old about to go to his first reaping. I don't mind it a whole lot. Having someone to protect and comfort takes my mind off my own problems, mainly: What about me? Will I get picked?

Now the first rays of sunlight are filtering in through the window. I look around our fairly large basement, the walls made of rock and shell. I like it, it makes it feel more like home. I glance over at Lilac, who is still sleeping, for which I'm very glad. When she did wake up she would be scared too, and then I would have to lie some more about how she's safe, about how the threat of her getting reaped is nonexistent.

It's not like someone from District 4 has no shot at winning. We're actually better off than most, we even have two Victors. One of them, Nathan Alanson, won the very first Hunger Games, which gave District 4 a huge advantage over the others in the 2nd Hunger Games. He was a big guy even when he won his Games at age eighteen, and it was actually his idea that a group of tributes could live at the Cornucopia, a tradition that continues every year. The most powerful alliance gets the Cornucopia, no second thoughts. He's almost thirty now, and he's married and has two little kids. I see them playing on the beach behind the Victors Village when I walk to school. I sometimes wish my life could be like that: playing on the beach without a care in the world.

The other Victor, Kai Saro, won the 7th Hunger Games, four years ago at the age of thirteen. He was kind of a huge mystery to everyone, about halfway through his Games he went totally berserk and killed off his whole alliance in one night. Then he ran off, and no one really knows what he did for the remaining five days of his Games, because they never showed him on TV after that, which I found kind of odd. In the end, the tributes from 1 and 2 decided to team up and kill everyone else, but they couldn't ever find Kai. So they were at a stalemate with the Capitol. They refused to kill each other, and they knew they wouldn't be able to find Kai if he didn't want to be found, so they just sat around at the Cornucopia for four days until finally, the Head Gamemaker decided to end it by sending a nasty fire their way. All four of them died and Kai won.

After he won and came back to District 4, he became a hermit. Literally. Even now, he stays in his big house with the shutters in the windows closed. If he has a family, they never come to see him. He doesn't even mentor, he always leaves that to Nathan. The paparazzi hates him. After a couple years of knocking at his door incessantly, they decided to forget about him.

I was jolted out of my memories of past Games by a knock at the door. I dashed up the stairs, taking them two at a time, to see Frederick standing there with a big box. Frederick turned nineteen about six months ago, so he's out of the Reaping now, and he works at the bakery and occasionally brings us treats like a loaf of raisin bread or some muffins for Luis and Lilac.

"Hey, you already brought us goodies last night," I said, but I let him in anyway.

"Good morning to you too Mags, sorry I'm here so early. Everyone still asleep?"

"No, Luis is awake downstairs and you know Mom, she's probably sitting at the table sipping her morning coffee."

Right on cue, my mom calls from the kitchen, "Fred! Is that you?"

"Yeah, and I brought some more goodies for the kids. Boss was feeling generous today, what with the Reaping and all."

"Come over to the kitchen then, and I'll get you something to eat."

After Frederick's parents, my aunt and uncle, died a couple years ago from a boating accident, my mom has taken it upon herself to take care of her sister's son. He's perfectly capable of doing that himself, of course, and he has his own small flat that he rents, but he's still like an older brother to Luis, Lilac, and me.

Like I predicted, my mom is sipping coffee at the kitchen table, and she immediately starts to get a cup ready for Frederick, but he shakes his head and says, "No thanks. I've got some other stuff to do before the Reaping and I'm just stopping by." He sets the box down on the table, and I lifted the lid slightly. The smell of fresh bakery bread assaults my senses, and I can't wait to start eating.

"Are you going to meet your girlfriend again, Fred?" I ask mischievously.

"Girlfriend! Frederick Brine, you never told me anything about a girlfriend!" Mom says indignantly.

"Mags..." Frederick groans. I just grin mischievously and yell down the stairs, "Luis! Wake Lilac up and get up here! Fred brought breakfast from the bakery!"

"Uhh... I don't now if I'll ever be able to eat again after last night..." Luis moans.

Mom is in the middle of grilling Frederick about his girlfriend ("Yes, she's my age. Her name is Talia Allardyce. She works at the bakery with me. She decorates the cakes.") when Luis bounds up the stairs with Lilac in tow.

"Hey, Fred!" Luis yells excitedly.

"Hey, buddy," Frederick replies. "Well, I better go now, Talia's expecting me at the south beach any minute now." He's out the door before Luis can say goodbye.

"That's good, Frederick, never leave a date waiting!" my mom yells after him. I wonder what Mom would say if I told her Frederick is thinking of proposing, but I decide that can wait for another time as I eagerly cut myself a slice of bread. It's just as delicious as it looks.

"The Reaping starts in half an hour," Mom says as she rinses out her cup of coffee. "You kids had better get ready. Don't be scared, none of you will be picked. There are thousands of kids in District 4, and thanks to Frederick, none of you have to take out tesserae!" This is true, but still, we aren't the richest family in District 4. "And before I forget, Mags, I put out a dress for you. It's in my room."

"Thanks Mom," I say, suddenly not hungry enough to finish my fourth slice of bread. "I'll go try it on now." I throw my plate in the sink and go down the hall to my mom's room. The dress is on her bed. At first I don't realize it's for me, because it's a lot prettier than anything I have. It's bright green, and when I brush my hand across the fabric, it feels like... well, the softest thing you can think of. A puppy? No, that makes it sound like the puppy had to suffer.

"I thought you would like it," Mom says, looking at it like it brings back bittersweet memories. "I wore it on my first date with your father."

I looked up at her in surprise. My father died in the war when I was too young to remember. He was on the rebels' side, I can never imagine him as anything but a rebel, and I hardly ever got to see him because he was always in District 13. My only memories of him are one from when I was about three years old, with him coming home from 13 for a few days. He would take me to the beach, and Luis and I would play in the sand and collect shells all day.

The other is his funeral. It happened when I was four, and I didn't have a clue what was going on. We sat in church for a long time, and once we were finally out of there people kept telling me they were sorry for something. Well, unless THEY were the one who stole my stuffed goldfish, I didn't think they had anything to be sorry for.

Then Mom took Luis, me, and baby Lilac to the side and told us that Dad was never coming back from District 13 again. I understand now that he is dead, but I was four years old, you can't expect me to digest all that in my toddler brain.

Mom leaves the room, and I shut the door and put on the dress. When I'm done I stand in front of her mirror in disbelief. The dress is beautiful. It doesn't fit with plain, ugly me with my nose too big and my eyes too close together. Maybe some makeup would help? I'm usually not one for cosmetics, but this is a special occasion and I know Mom has some in her bathroom cupboard, so I run in there and do whatever I can without making myself look like a clown, which is my past experience with makeup. I decide to wear my hair down, because Mom tells me that makes me look more mature, and then I'm done.

"Hey, you look like a girl," Luis says jokingly as I come out. I slap him on the arm, but I wonder if he has a point. Then I worry about this all the way to the town square. Do I really not look like a girl, usually? I picture me in my jeans and random T-shirt or sweatshirt, and with a sinking feeling I start to think he might be right.

The day is cloudy, and salty wind coming from the direction of the sea whips my newly brushed hair all over as I stand in line for the reaping. Lilac clutches my hand tightly. I can see Luis in the other line, trembling all over and not just because of the slightly chilly wind.

Lilac let the Peacekeepers take her blood without much of a problem. I prepared her for that beforehand, telling her if was the scariest part of the whole reaping and if she could get past it then she would be fine. Then she had to go stand with all the other little kids, and I went with the fifteen-year-olds, but I kept sneaking glances over at her to make sure she was okay.

District 4's escort, Eustacia Lickprivick, had her skin dyed completely ocean blue. She happily explains to the crowd that she had done it a couple months ago in honor of this beautiful and majestic and wonderful District that she had the amazing honor of escorting to the Hunger Games every year.

The video plays. This is a new addition only added in the last year or so, it's about how the evil Districts rebelled and the kind and generous Capitol made 24 kids kill each other every year to make up for it. Woohoo. The voice-over was the voice of Scorpious Burns, our "generous" President, and that made my blood boil with anger, because after all this was the man who killed my father, but then it was over and it was time for the reading of the Treaty of the Treason.

In the middle of the Treaty, Eustacia interrupts the mayor and said, "Umm... Mr. Mayor? Where's that other guy? You know... the handsome one? The mentor?"

The mayor frowns. "Hmm... where is Nathan? I spoke to him just yesterday..."

Then a voice from the side of the stage speaks up, and It sounds out of breath. "He's... his wife went into labor this morning... he's at the hospital... won't be able to mentor this year."

Everyone looks at the source of the voice. The guy who said it is standing apart from everyone else, and it takes me a few seconds to realize that this is Kai Saro. I never see him, except on TV, so it's weird to be looking at him in person.

"So you'll be mentoring in his place this year, Mr. Saro? Lovely!" Eustacia trills.

The mayor decides to skip the rest of the Treaty of the Treason, probably because he can't find where he was when Kai interrupted, but as boring as that is, I wish he wouldn't have done that. Because now it's time for the main event: the reaping.

I see Eustacia already unfolding a piece of paper, and right there I want to freeze time forever. I look over at Lilac, who is looking as though she might puke, but all other thoughts are cast to the winds as I hear,

"Your girl tribute for this year... Magdalena Oceanus! Come on up!"

Every muscle in my body is tensed. I'd spent so much time worrying about what I'd do if Luis or Lilac was picked that I hadn't had time to worry about myself. I had the greatest possibility of being picked out of all the kids in my family, but I never thought in a million years that I would be the one to get picked. In my nightmares it had always been Luis or Lilac.

Luis and Lilac. I have to be brave for them. If they saw me scared, they would be scared too. But if they saw me cool and in control (nothing could be farther from the truth) they might be comforted too. I step up to the stage cautiously, trying not to notice everyone staring at me. Eustacia, Kai, everyone else in District 4... No, everyone else in all of Panem! _No no no, don't think like that..._

"And the boy tribute for this year is Hadrian Scrulls! Congratulations!"

A boy I recognize from school comes up to stand next to me. He's a year above me, but we're in Art class together. We never really talked to each other that much though. All I know about him is that he's 16, and on just about every sports team imaginable. He has spiky blond hair and he's very tanned from all the sports and fishing he does outside. I know a lot of girls like him, even some of my friends. I never found him very attractive, I don't know why. I guess he is, in a way. I just don't know him that well. Because what would an athletic, popular boy like him be doing talking to a quiet, shy girl like me?

"So District 4, here are your tributes! Wish them luck!" She turns to Hadrian and me and whispers, "Okay. We're going to go to the Justice Building so you can say good-bye to your families and friends, and then we'll take a train all the way to the Capitol for the opening ceremonies! Doesn't that sound fun!"

Hadrian and I both nod, and I notice that he paled slightly. It's hard to tell because of his tan, though, and his grey eyes are slightly widened. I'm probably white as a ghost right now, but at least I know that he thinks this is about as much fun as I do.


	2. Chapter 2: Goodbyes and Train Rides

**Hey guys! I'm new to FanFiction and I'm still getting used to everything, so I didn't do an AN in the last chapter, but here's one now. This isn't my first FanFiction ever, those were written with My Words Live and they are on their account, not mine. So go check those out! R&R, okay? Not like I'm desperate for reviews or anything... **

**Disclaimer: If I owned the Hunger Games, I would not be in middle school. I would be rolling in money and living in a mansion. With a pool. Indoor. So I could swim in February. Because how cool would that be?!**

The first people to visit me are a group of talkative girls from my grade and the grade above me, and I don't know half their names. I don't think they knew my name before the reaping, either. They all are very giggly, and I don't understand most of what they say. I get the idea though: Can you find out if Hadrian likes me? Or Can you put in a good word for me with Hadrian?

I tell them I will and then they leave, without wishing me good luck or anything like THAT.

Then Mom, Luis, and Lilac come in. Luis and Lilac just cling to me and won't let go, and Mom says, "You've got a chance, Mags. You can do this. Get a good alliance that you trust, and pay attention in training. Do what Kai tells you to."

I nod, tears forming in my eyes. Everything suddenly came crashing down around me, and I can still barely taste the bakery bread from Frederick that I had this morning. It seems like lifetimes ago that I was joking with him about his girlfriend.

A big Peacekeeper comes in and says gruffly, "Time's up," and Lilac wails loudly and Luis just stands there with tears streaming down his face. He's trying to be brave, I can tell.

"I'm going to try and win!" I call as they are dragged away. "If not for me, then for you! And Frederick! And Dad!"

I only have a moment of silence before Frederick bursts in. He hugs me and whispers, "I know you can do it. Your love for your family is so strong, it'll drive you through that arena." He isn't showing his emotions like Luis and Lilac, but his eyes are filled with tears as he finishes, "You're brave enough to do it, Mags. I know you are. And my uncle... your dad... if he was here he'd say it too."

Frederick leaves, shoving past the Peacekeepers, who are greatly disgruntled by this. After Frederick I have no more visitors, and I wait for a while before a Peacekeeper comes to get me. "Follow me," he growls, and I have no other choice but to do so. He takes me around to the front of the Justice Building, where a fancy car from the Capitol is waiting with Eustacia inside. I get in on the right side of her, and a couple minutes later Hadrian gets in the left.

Eustacia keeps up a constant chatter as we drive through District 4, and when the train station finally comes in sight, Hadrian says to me, "You might want to... you know..." he motions at his eyes. I realize they would be red and puffy from crying. I nod at him and rub them with my palm, which I don't think really helps all that much.

Eustacia hurries us across the platform because according to her we are behind schedule, and we board the train to death. She leads us over to a car with a few couches and in the middle a table full of food. This was rival to Frederick's bread, I think. The aroma is almost intoxicating. It's a couple seconds before I notice my jaw has dropped. I look over at Hadrian, but he isn't there. Instead, he's already at the table, sampling what looked to be some kind of cookie.

"This is amazing!" he exclaims through a mouthful of already had crumbs all over his shirt. "Come on, you should try some of it!"

I go over there and pick up some kind of pastry. I inspect the intricate frosting design before I take a bite. It has vanilla custard inside and is one of the greatest things that can be called food!

"Oh yes, those are lovely," Eustacia says approvingly to me. "I'm quite partial to them myself. Are there any left?"

The door opens again and Kai Saro strides in. Without a word, he turns on the TV and clicks past a couple channels until he comes to the reaping recap. The pastry turns in my stomach. I don't want to watch this! I try to leave the car, but Kai starts to talk, and since he's my mentor I have to listen.

"You should be watching this, not stuffing your faces," he snaps. He looks almost vicious. "You need to know what you're up against. You need to know who you want to try and get in an alliance with. You need to stop sneaking cookies," he says with a pointed glare at Hadrian, who looks up guiltily, with more crumbs on his face. I feel kind of bad for him.

Julius Flickerman's face appears on the screen with the seal of Panem behind him. He has this weird tradition of dying his skin a different color every year, and this time around it's sea-foam green. "Welcome everyone to the Reaping Recap for the Eleventh Annual Hunger Games!" The editor does a smash cut directly to District 1, where there are two volunteers, which shocked me. I didn't know you COULD volunteer! And why would you, anyway! The girl's name is Ginolia and the boy is Maximus.

District 2 also has a pair of volunteers. I can see a manic glint in their eyes... they are actually excited to be fighting to the death! The girl stands out more than the boy to me, she's big and stocky, but not short, and she keeps cracking her knuckles while the escort it talking. I never caught her name, but the boy's name is Tyler.

After that I kind of tune out. I'm not really hungry enough to eat any more, and I think Kai would kill me if I left. I know this is important and all, but there will be plenty of time to get to know them later, and besides, if I'm going to have to kill some of them, why would I want to know them first? Instead, I study Kai. He's seventeen but acts a lot older. He has dark eyes, very intense and somewhat angry, I think, but there's a lot more emotion than I can make out. He has short dark hair and he's a little taller than me. I thought back to his Games. I had only been eleven, but that one stands out to me, and I remember it clearly. Killing his alliance. The fire. _Why did you do that anyway, Kai?_

Then I hear the national anthem of Panem, signaling the end of the recap. That means it's time to... gulp... discuss strategy.

"So now that you've seen the reapings, who do you think you want in your alliance?" Kai asks, his gaze darting back and forth between Hadrian and me.

"Hey, hey, hey. Introductions first!" Eustacia reprimands him. "You need to get to know these nice young people!"

"I already know their names," Kai replies smoothly. "She's Magdalena, and he's Hadrian. They both know who I am. Now can we get on with it?"

"Actually, people call me Mags," I interrupt, and I wish I hadn't.

Kai looks over at me, which makes me slightly nervous. He raises and eyebrow and says, "Okay then... Mags."

"Now you have to ask them about their families and their lives," Eustacia urges him.

Kai takes a deep breath, and I prepare to tell him about Luis and Lilac and Frederick, but then he snaps, "Why! Why do I need to know all about their pet dogs and their brothers and their sisters and their boyfriends? Why do I need to know that they got scarred for life by a green Frisbee on a Thursday in July? Why? They're both going to die in a couple weeks! It will just hurt more for you and me if we get close to them!"

I hate how he's talking about us like we aren't here, or like we're too stupid to understand him. I want to scream, We're not animals! We're people too! I look at Hadrian, and he rolls his eyes. I get the meaning, he's sick of it too.

"KAI SARO!" Eustacia exclaims shrilly. "THEY ARE NOT GOING TO DIE IN A WEEK!"

"Yes, they are!" he yells back. "Even in the unlikely event that one of them will win, the other is going to die! And the one that lives won't really live!" He looks almost mournful at the last word, then he turns on his heel and is out of the car before Eustacia can think of a reply.

"Don't mind him," she says, flustered. "He's a Victor, you know how they are. You'll be great. And contrary to what _he_ says, you CAN win. I believe in you." So an off-the-rocker capitol citizen believes in us. That's nice to know.

**...**

Dinner is great. By the time it's ready, I'm feeling hungry again. After all, the only things I've eaten today are the bakery bread and half a pastry. For a girl like me, that is nowhere near enough. Frederick sometimes joked about how I must have a hollow leg to hold all that food, and how even he didn't eat that much. I would argue that I am a growing girl and I need lots of food to sustain me. He pointed out that with this much food I should be taller than Godzilla.

Anyway, the dinner is fondue. All different kinds of fondue. Cheese fondue, soup fondue, and best yet, chocolate fondue. I run to the table and patiently wait for Hadrian and Eustacia to sit down. When they do, I reach for some bread, but Eustacia exclaims, "Hey! Hey! We have to wait for everyone! That includes Mr. Saro!"

I groan. Do we have to eat with him? Hadrian appears to be having similar thoughts. No matter, we wait in silence for the fourth member of our party. When the steam stops floating off the top of the cheese fondue, I suggest that maybe we can eat without him.

"It would be very bad manners," Eustacia says adamantly.

"I agree with Mags," Hadrian says, surprising me. "Kai can get something to eat later. Besides, wouldn't it also be bad manners to let this amazing food prepared for us get ruined?"

Eustacia seems torn. "Oh... well... yes, you're right, I suppose there is other food on this train... yes, he can eat later... Oh all right! Go ahead!" she stares at us reproachfully as we dig in.

I eat a lot. Almost more than my stomach can handle. We never have anything this good in District 4, but it's not anyone's fault except the Capitol's. The bread is almost better than Frederick's, but since that is what I grew up on I have a hard time saying something can beat it, and the fondue is just heavenly. When I'm done I slouch back in my chair in a way that is probably very awkward seeing as I'm wearing a dress, but I don't care. I'm stuffed!

After Eustacia and Hadrian are done too, an Avox shows us to our rooms. I know that Avoxes are former rebels who got their tongues cut out, but something about them makes me uneasy all the same. I collapse on the soft bed in my room and close my eyes, not wanting to leave the cool darkness after the crazy day. I wonder how Luis and Lilac and Mom are doing at home, while everyone else is celebrating that their kid is saved for another year.

I also wonder how Hadrian's family is doing. I've never met them, I've never even seen them... maybe I'll have to ask him about them sometime.

I wonder what Frederick is doing right now. Maybe comforting my family? But he would need comforting himself... Talia. She would be there for him. I smile at that.  
As I think about my day, a new thing to wonder about comes to mind. What did Kai mean when he said, "And the one that lives won't really live."

**...**

I wake up and it's still dark, but I know I won't be able to go back to sleep. There's a great pain in my stomach, and when I try to sit up, my stomach flips over. I have to lay back down to prevent puking on the floor. The Avoxes would hate me forever. Maybe plot to kill me in my sleep...

Okay, that's enough of THAT._ The Avoxes are not going to kill you in your sleep_, I tell myself several times before that doesn't make me feel nauseous anymore. I have to get to a bathroom in case I have a nasty "incident." Or at least get some water. Maybe water won't really help, but at least then I'll feel like I'm doing something other than lying here like a lump on a log while I'm in misery.

I slowly get up and test my weight before I walk out of the room. I must have eaten too much for once and made myself sick. If I needed serious help who would I call? Not the Avoxes who are _definitely not_ going to kill me in my sleep. Not Hadrian, that would just be awkward. Not Eustacia, that would probably be considered bad manners and again, awkward. Definitely not Kai for reasons unstated but obvious. (1) he hates me! (2) he would think I'm weaker than he already does! (3) that would be just too weird! (4) I would have to go into his room! No way! (5)... okay, no obsessing, I remind myself. Obsessing normally is not good for the digestive system. And besides, you're obsessing over Kai Saro! Honestly!

Another wave of nausea comes over me, and I have to stop walking and lean over right outside someone's room. Thankfully, I don't retch, which would have definitely brought people's attention.

There are no Avoxes standing at random places now, and I'm glad about that. A sudden thought strikes me that if my father hadn't been killed, he would probably be one of them, forever committed to a life of serving the tributes for the annual Hunger Games.

I stumble into the dining car, the place I think it most likely for me to find a glass of water. There's an immobile figure already there, though. AN AVOX? A STALKER? Funny how I think of those words so close together. Beware of me! I will throw up on you! No, not the best line. My heart is pounding faster, and faster, and I don't think a speedy metabolism is good for nausea either, because I grasp the edge of the table to stop the world from spinning.

Then I realize it's Kai. My pulse slows down slightly, but I still am on my guard, because like I said earlier, this guy hates me. And it doesn't help that I'm in a very weakened position.

"Mags," he says quietly. Oh no... now I have to acknowledge his existence, don't I?

"Yeah, that's me," I reply in a strained tone. I have to get to a bathroom. Fast.

"Not Magdalena," he says with a slight smirk.

"That's right," I say, slowly making my way towards the door. Wait a minute, was that a smile? Did he smile? At ME?

"Why are you up so late?" he asks.

"Oh, you know... I was just about to go, I actually have to get to a bathroom..."

He laughs. I'm frozen with shock. So much shock that I don't realize that he doesn't actually have a bad laugh. Still, that cannot change the fact that I. Need. A. Bathroom.

"Eat too much for dinner tonight?" he asks.

"What's it to you?" I snap, lunging for the door handle. He gets there first and holds it.

"There's an easier way," he tells me. He passes me a bottle. I look down at it. The bottle looks like it contains some kind of pill.

"What? So I'm sick and now you want me to do drugs? Haha... no!" He is being incredibly rude right now. Eustacia would be appalled.

"They're not drugs!" he says, exasperated. "They'll help, I swear."

I take one and swallow it, and surprisingly, I do feel better. I take a few deep breaths to make sure my stomach is really calmed. "Are you sure that my senses aren't dulled by the terrible drug you just gave me?" I ask suspiciously.

He laughs again. Twice in only a few minutes. Am I dreaming this? Because he does have a very nice laugh in this dream. "No. Really, they're not."

"Okay, well, if they test me before the Games and I'm on steroids, I know who to blame."

Kai looks thoughtful, like he'd never thought about them testing the tributes before the Games.

"Umm... hello?" I ask.

"Oh, I was just thinking... there was this one boy from my Games who might have been on steroids," he says randomly, smiling.

"And did you give them to him?" Okay, the joke is getting old, but I couldn't stop myself from doing one more. Any more and this nice Kai might go to nasty I-hate-the-world Kai. When he doesn't say anything, I ask a different question. "Thanks for that. Why do you have them?"

"Oh... I often find I need them," is all he'll tell me.

"So... you asked me why I was awake... so why are you awake?"

Wrong question? I think so. He stares down at his shoes and doesn't say a word. I brace myself for the outburst about privacy... that never comes. He eventually does say something, so softly I almost don't hear it. "Dreams."

"As in, nightmares?"

"Yeah... after I wake up I sometimes get nauseous. So..." he rattles the bottle.

I go over to a sink, pour myself a glass of water, and drink it silently while staring out at the trees that zip past the window as the light-rail train takes me to my possible (and very likely) death. I have no idea what Kai Saro could possibly have bad dreams about.

It's like he can read my mind. "About my Games. The arena." A strange look flashes across his face, but it was gone in less time than I could say 'what?' "You should probably get back to bed," he says, suddenly with a stony expression.

"Yeah," I agree, "I probably should."


	3. Chapter 3: Meeting People

**I'm back after a somewhat short break! I was just too lazy to update, I guess. Anyway, a shorter chapter today because the chariot rides have to fit in here somewhere, don't they. Well, reviews are appreciated, even if you think this is stupid let me know and we can have a brutal Yo Mama fight. No I'm just kidding. **

**Disclaimer (Do I have to do this in every chapter?): I ain't Suzanne Collins. And 'ain't' ain't a word. No really there's a red dotted line under it.**

The next morning, Kai doesn't make an appearance. I don't know what to think about this. Do I want to see him or do I not? I'm starting to think I dreamed last night while I was sick. Hadrian was eating a mountain of pancakes with syrup, whipped cream, berries. The works. I didn't want to risk eating after what happened last night, so I just sit on one of the couches with a fluffy blanket, flipping through all the channels, but all I can find is recaps of former Games, which makes last night's nausea make a comeback.

Suddenly, Eustacia squeals, and I almost jump off the couch in surprise. "We're here!" she squeals with excitement.

Hadrian looked over at me. The nervous look he had at the reaping was back.

A whirlpool of feelings was swirling around in me at the moment. Excitement at being in the Capitol, apprehension at the looming Games, worry at how Luis and Lilac will be doing watching me at the opening ceremonies, confusion at last night, and a certain sick feeling about... well, everything, really.

Hadrian gets up from his pancake mountain and timidly peers out the window. He pulls back right away. "They're staring at me!" he says, his voice a mixture of disgust and interest.  
"You're the hot topic right now, Hadrian!" Eustacia says happily. "And you too, of course, Mags," she adds, like she thinks I'd feel left out if she didn't include me.

The door opens and Kai comes in. I quickly look at the fluffy blanket over me, so I won't look at him, like I know I will if I stop looking at the blanket. Then I can't resist, so I look at him. His dark hair is slightly messed up. He must have slept in to make up for his time awake last night... if that even really happened. "We're here..." he says drowsily. "I hoped I'd never have to set foot here again," he mutters. Then he turns to us. "They're going to hand you over to your stylists. I think they're new this year so I don't know them. The costumes might be the stupidest things you've ever seen, but you have to go with it, okay?"

"I am happy to see you are finally up to giving actual advice," Eustacia says stiffly.

"Don't mention it," Kai replies.

We're about to get off the train. I notice I'm still wearing the same dress I wore to the reaping, and I haven't brushed my hair or taken a shower or even put on deodorant! I try to straighten out the wrinkles in the dress, but Kai brushes past me and says, "No time for that. It's good you're still wearing that, the people in the Capitol might remember you better. But it's not like you're easy to forget," he adds.

The statement gives me a funny feeling. What's it supposed to mean, though? My biggest worry at the moment is Will the Capitol love me? Or to them am I just another piece in the Games?

**...**

I'm led by a troop of Peacekeepers to a dim room with a counter.

"You sit up there," one of them said. "Your prep team will be here shortly."

This place is a lot more intimidating than the Justice Building or the train, and I don't really like it that much. I wonder how Hadrian is doing. I often wonder how other people are doing because it takes my mind off how bad I'm doing.

Three people who look weirder than Eustacia, if that's possible, come in holding spray bottles and scissors and what appears to be tape.

"We're your prep team!" one of them says in a high pitched voice not unlike Eustacia's. "I'm Hollandia, and this is Lilian and Shannon!"

One of them, Lilian I think, says, "So we're going to hose you down and make you pretty for tonight! Are you excited?" she says the last sentence in a squeal.

I'm already getting a headache listening to them talk. "Umm, yeah, I guess..."

Hollandia picks up the conversation. "Great! We'll just have you lay here and Lilian will get the hose!"

I was about to ask what she meant by hose when a jet of water hit me. I almost recoil in shock. So she meant a _real _hose. This is going to be a long afternoon...

**...**

My prep team chatters throughout the whole time, and when they left, I just lay there and don't move, savoring the silence. I hope my stylist won't be so annoying. The only thing my prep team did that I actually kind of like is put sparkly blue highlights in my boring brown hair.

The door opens again and I brace myself for the brain grating chatter, but it never comes. Instead, a girl who looks no older than about twenty is standing in front of me with a large bag.  
"Hey, I'm your stylist, Briar," she says quietly.

"Umm... Hey," I reply. "You're a lot less... annoying than my prep team was."

She grins shyly. "Yeah, I'm more of a reserved type. I get my emotions out through my work, not my mouth, and I'm so excited to be here as a stylist, so the whole world will be able to see my work. So you want to see your dress?" She pulls it out of the bag.

"This is really great, Briar..." I say, not able to say anything else. It _is _great. The dress is floor length, and ocean blue. The fabric shimmers when it catches the light, and makes it look like waves falling down the front. There are also glints of green and grey when I inspect it, just like the actual ocean. And Kai was talking about stupid costumes...

"Well, try it on," Briar urges me. "I need to see if it fits right before you can go."

"Even if it doesn't, I'm still wearing it," I reply.

**...**

When I get out, Hadrian is already on our chariot, that is painted with what looks like a mixed swirl of blue and green. He smiles and waves when he sees me.

"Nice dress," he comments when I get up next to him on the chariot.

He doesn't look bad either, with a shimmering blue suit and pants similar to mine, a bright green tie, and... "Hadrian, is that _sparkles?" _I ask, laughing.

He groans. "Yes... I didn't want them but my stylist insisted..." He tries messing up his hair, but that doesn't do anything to make the sparkles disappear. He looks fine, though. I'm sure all the girls at home are loving this. I smile as I remember my promise to the girls that I don't intend to keep. "Hey, there's Eustacia and Kai," he says, trying to change the subject.  
Kai?! Oh, where?! _Calm down. What's this about anyway? _I ask myself. I can't come up with an answer, but sure enough, there they are. Eustacia's eyes light up when she sees us. "Brilliant costumes, just brilliant! Oh, I must meet your stylist!"

Kai just gives us a faint smile, puts his hands in his pockets, and says softly, "No stupid costumes this year, I guess."

"Definitely not!" I exclaim. "This dress is amazing!"

"Yeah, it's not too bad..." he mutters, looking down at the ground.

"Hey come on guys, what about me?" Hadrian asks, striking a ridiculous pose. I laugh, then I see the massive doors start to open. I strain to see the District 1 tributes, whose names I can't remember at the moment. I'm suddenly very nervous. Eustacia says something that I think might be, "we'll pick you up afterward," then the chariot jolts forward more abruptly than I thought it would and we're thrown into a screaming crowd of people surrounding us. They throw things like flowers and hats, and programs for the opening ceremonies.

Hadrian cracks a wide smile, any nervousness gone now, and yells to me over the noise, "They love us!"

"If you say so!" I yell back, unable to contain my excitement. Okay, so this part of the Games isn't that bad. I locate a camera man and wave at the camera. Maybe it's the one that Luis and Lilac and Frederick are watching from at home.

We pull in under the balcony and President Burns stands up and gives everyone an evil looking smile "Tributes, we welcome you! Happy Hunger Games!" He gives the crowd a small wave then sits down.

The chariots pull us back to the ready room and we step off the chariot. My legs are still shaking from the excitement. I actually liked the opening ceremonies! First part of the Games over with! Briar is talking to Eustacia, and Kai is standing off to one side staring blankly at the screen where they are showing the chariot ride over again.

"Umm... Kai? Do we get ot go to our rooms now?" Hadrian asks.

"Yeah," Kai says, not looking away from the screen. "Elevator to the left, press the button labeled 4."

We do just that. It's not awkward being alone in the elevator with Hadrian, although I think most girls would be dying right now to be in my place. Finally it stops on our level and we get out to see our rooms. They're nice. Nicer than the ones on the train, even.

"Nice place," Hadrian says approvingly. "I guess I'll take this room," he points at the nearest bedroom door.

"I got the one next to it, I guess," I say quietly, noticing the Avoxes in the room.

"Creepy, aren't they?" Hadrian whispers when he sees what I'm looking at. "I don't think they're allowed in our rooms though. So that's good, I don't want to wake up to one of them staring at me.

"They're not gonna stalk you Hadrian, they're former rebels being punished for their so-called crimes against the Capitol!"

He takes his room, I take mine, and the others aren't back yet. I put my feet up on the bed and stare at the wall. Tomorrow, we'll all go down to training. In five days, we'll be assessed, in six days, we'll be interviewed, and in a week, we'll all be thrown into the arena. I hear the door open, and Eustacia's strange accent, and I pull up the covers and pretend to be asleep.  
I don't really want to talk to any of them right now, I just want to be home with Luis and Lilac and Frederick and Mom... I miss them all so hard it hurts, and even though the Capitol is a lot fancier than 4, what I wouldn't give for my boring and undecorated room at home where I would fall asleep listening to the waves...

**...**

I don't get a lot of sleep that night, and the couple hours I do are interrupted by Eustacia outside my door, telling me to get up for training.

I groan and get up. I'm sure I look terrible, but I just put my hair in a ponytail and go to eat. Hadrian and Kai also look tired and I wonder if Kai was up again because of bad dreams. I start to wish I'd been awake to talk to him again.

"You're all so sleepy today!" Eustacia comments while we're eating. "Hadrian, Mags, you're not going to want to sleep through training!"

Kai even though I know he's tired, must feel obligated to give some advice, so he says, "Yes, she's right. It's important. The trainer's going to tell you this, but most of the tributes die from natural causes, like exposure, starvation, freezing, you know..."

I push my plate away, suddenly not hungry, which probably isn't good for me, because I haven't eaten since the night I was sick. "Thanks a lot, Kai..." I mutter.

Kai looked at me, concerned. "You can' go to training on an empty stomach. You're not going to be able to focus, and that will look bad in front of potential allies."

His concerned look gets me nervous again. I don't know why. Butterflies in my stomach. I'm happy about it. I don't know why, I try to tell myself that it's because I'm glad he's finally stepping up as a mentor.

"You'd better get down there," Eustacia advises. "You don't want to be the last ones!"

"She's right," Kai says. "You should go."

We aren't the last ones down at the Training Center, but it's close. We get there the same time as 8, 9, and 11. The only ones gone are the pair from 12.

The trainer decides not to wait for District 12 to begin. She launches right into the speech, saying, "First, a rule: No fighting with the other tributes. There will be enough of that later and we don't want anyone dead before the Games even start. Second, what you'll be doing: there are a few compulsory exercises, the rest will be individual. Third, pay attention during the survival classes. You will all want to grab a sword and get started, but many of you will die from natural causes. 10% from starvation, 20% from dehydration, exposure can kill as easily as a knife..." I tune out, because Kai had told us the exact same thing. I pay attention again when she asks if there are any questions. When there are none, she says, "Alright then. Let's get started."


	4. Chapter 4: Playing with Fire

**You're welcome, for the fast update! Actually, I already had this written... I have everything up to the first year of mentoring written... So this is just the first day of training and some romantic stuff... which, I'm actually quite worried about because romance is not my strong suit at all... Let me know how I did, okay? (Cough cough) do I detect a hint of desperation? No, no, not a chance...**

**And yet another Disclaimer, I don't own The Hunger Games. And there is your Message of the Day from Captain Obvious. **

The tributes from 1 and 2 are really good. Now I can see why they would volunteer, they can probably win. My bet would be on one of the four of them. Or Hadrian. He would make a much better Victor than I would, that's for sure.

Hadrian convinces me to practice archery with him, but I feel a nagging guilt when I thought of Kai's advice to not overlook the survival classes. About halfway through the morning, the group of tributes from 1 and 2 come up to us. The boy from 2 whose name I don't know appears to be the leader. He's intimidating the younger kids with a large sword strapped to his belt at all times.

"The name's Tyler. This is Violetta, Ginolia, and Maximus," he says in a rough voice.

"Call me Ginny," Ginolia says flatly as she looks at her reflection in a flat bladed knife.

"And I'm Max," Maximus says. Out of all of them, the girl from 2, Violetta, looks the meanest. The others don't seem too bad, even if Ginny is a little vain and Tyler is slightly scary.

"Hey, we were thinking, your district has a lot of Victors. More than others," Tyler begins.

"Get to the point, Tyler," Violetta drawls, giving Hadrian and me a nasty glare.

"Well... okay then. Do you two want to be in our alliance?"

"Sure," Hadrian says quickly, like he's waited all his life for this moment. "I'm Hadrian Scrulls."

"And how about you?" Max asks me. He looks at me questioningly.

"Oh... yeah, sure," I say, even though I'm not sure I actually want to be in an alliance with them. "I'm Mags Oceanus."

We watch the tributes from the outlying districts fail at everything they do, and Tyler, Max, Ginny, and Violetta laugh meanly. Once Hadrian got the idea he joined too.  
"Come on Mags," Hadrian whispers to me while the others mock a small District 9 boy who can't even lift his axe. "If you want them to trust you..."

That is not really the problem. What I want to know is if I can trust them.

**...**

We sit with out new alliance at lunch, and they tell us about life in their districts.

"So they're opening this special school in 2," Tyler says through a mouthful of food, "Where kids can go and train until they're eighteen. Then they can volunteer! Of course, I was trained by my father, who's just about the best trainer a guy can have."

"Yeah, I think they're talking about one of those in 1, too," Max says brightly. "It sounds like a really cool idea. If I win I'm going to be a trainer there."

"Cool, they should build one of those in 4," Hadrian says enthusiastically.

_No they shouldn't_! I feel like screaming at Hadrian. For not the first time today, I'm not hungry at all. Why would we train our kids to kill!

"So training's like our Career," Ginny explains. She still has that knife. I'm starting to think she's attached to it.

"Hey, that's what we should call ourselves! Our alliance, I mean. The Careers!" Tyler says.

"Lame," Violetta says dismissively.

"No, way cool!" Max argues. "We're the only alliance with a name! You like it, Mags?" he asks me. I have no idea why.

"Uhh. Yeah. It's cool," I say, but I feel like I'm trying to swallow a golf ball instead of a sandwich. Max beams at me.

"The Careers. I like it!" Hadrian exclaims, like that solves everything.

**...**

That night at dinner, Kai grills us about our alliance, the Careers.

"Tell me about them," he says.

"Well, there's this guy from 2, Tyler," Hadrian begins, putting down his fork. "He's like the leader, because he's really big and can definitely hold his own in a fight. And there's Max, I wouldn't want to be his enemy either."

"And Ginny," I pick up the monologue, very eager to impress Kai with our great alliance. "She's a whiz with knives. And Violetta... well, she's just..."

"Scary," Hadrian finishes.

"Well, I was going to say one of a kind, but scary fits too," I agree.

Kai nods. "And are you sure you trust them?" he asks. Why did he have to ask that question! He must know I'm not comfortable with them.

"Yeah!" Hadrian says immediately. "They're great!"

"Umm yeah, same here," I say. "Yeah I totally trust them."

"Okay..." Kai says, but he doesn't look convinced. "And... how much did you learn about survival today?"

My heart sinks. I exchange a guilty glance with Hadrian. "Nothing..." he squeaks.

Kai doesn't explode like we thought he would. Instead, he just nods again and asks calmly, "Do you remember what I said this morning?"

We both nod uncertainly.

"Good. Then don't expect any sponsor gifts from me after your alliance abandons you, you're freezing or starving, and about to die, if you never bothered to learn survival skills when you had the chance." He gets up and leaves, and I know we've disappointed him a lot. I feel more guilty about that than anything, and I get up too.

"I think I'm done," I say, and leave. Hadrian follows close behind, leaving a disgruntled Eustacia left to gather some Avoxes to clean up our unfinished dinner.

I sit on my bed, thinking about it._ Don't expect any sponsor gifts from me after your alliance abandons you, you're freezing or starving, and about to die, if you never bothered to learn survival skills when you had the chance_. The part that scares me most is I know he's not bluffing.

I think about this for a while, before I move on to thinking about my family. How is Luis doing? How is Lilac? How is Frederick? How is Mom? The usual questions. Then I move on to thinking about my very unsteady alliance who I really don't trust, when I hear a soft knock at the door.

"Come on in," I call, thinking it's Hadrian. My heart leaps into my throat when I see it's Kai.

He sits down on the edge of my bed and says, "Do you really trust the Careers?"

I look down at the floor and don't say anything. He knows the answer. I know he does.

"Hadrian isn't here. The others aren't here. You can tell me the truth. I'm your mentor."

"You're Hadrian's mentor too," I point out, wishing he would get out of here and stop asking questions I can't answer.

Kai sighs. "Yes. I am. But I know Hadrian really does trust them. I haven't met them, but from what I've seen and heard, I think it's a mistake. I know you're not totally sure if you trust them or not, Mags. And let's face it, you've got a lot more common sense than Hadrian does, anyway."

I feel myself blush at that. I hope it's not visible. "I don't," I say. Because I don't.

"You do," Kai says. "You're not quite ready to rush into this alliance yet. That's good."

"So what should I do?" I ask, looking him in the eye for the first time in this conversation.

He holds my gaze and doesn't blink. "You've got to follow your instincts. If they say to leave Hadrian, then, by all means, do so."

"They're going to kill him, Kai," I almost sob. I'm embarrassed that it came out as a sob. "I can't just abandon him to them."

"Mags, you can try to convince me all you want, but he's not going to back down." Kai says gently. I try not to think about how I feel about him and me alone in a room with him staring at me. I know it's not like that, but...

"How do you know?" I ask angrily. "Maybe he will!"

Kai just shakes his head and stands up. I don't want him to go, but it's probably time he did. I ruined the moment, I know it. When he's gone I realize that there is so much I don't know about Kai Saro. Why doesn't he ever leave his house? What exactly happened in his Games? Why did he kill his alliance? It hits me that even though I've met him and I know who he is, I don't really know him. I don't think anyone does, and with a sinking feeling, I don't think anyone ever will.

But do I really want to? I think about how I feel when he looks me in the eye, when he gives life saving advice, and most of all I think about that first night on the train, when I was sick and he helped me and I found out that he has a very nice laugh.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Mags Oceanus is officially obsessing over Kai Saro, of all people. The recluse, the grumpy guy who's still a teenager but acts like he's in the middle of his midlife crisis. I've, as they say, fallen for him.

And I'm slightly scared about that.

**...**

The next morning I purposely wake up late so I barely have time to do anything before I have to go down to the Training Center with Hadrian. This way, I don't have to face Kai until tonight. Smart plan, me. No?

This time I decide to try the survival classes, so I might actually get sponsor gifts... if there's anyone in the Capitol who would sponsor me.

"You know what I think we should do today?" I ask brightly.

"Make fun of the District 12 kids!" Tyler replies. I notice now that the District 12 kids have indeed come down to training today. They're quite scrawny and underfed. I can't imagine what it would be like to live there.

"No... I think we should do some of the survival classes," I say, knowing that no one will want to go with this plan.

Ginny snorts with laughter. "Are you serious? Survival classes?"

Tyler frowns at me. "If we were from an outlying district I'd say we need it. But we're not. We're the Careers. We get the Cornucopia! We don't need survival skills because we've got all the goodies we could ever possibly want!"

I start to panic when I see this is going nowhere. I look to Hadrian for help, but he is determinedly staring at the boy from District 6. "Hadrian, we have to! Remember?"

"You mean you're doing this to obey your mentor?" Violetta says. It's the first thing she's said to me... like ever.

"He said we don't get sponsor gifts unless we do the survival classes!"

Ginny smiles at me. "Oh, Mags... our mentors told us the exact same thing. They're bluffing. Every mentor wants his tributes to win. If you're in a tight spot, he's going to give you a sponsor gift. Seriously. If it's soooo important that you do, then just bluff! It's that simple."

I find a few problems with Ginny's reasoning there. (1) Kai doesn't bluff. He's dead serious. (2) From what I hear, Kai doesn't really want either of us to win. (3) He can see through any lie and I'm not even kidding. Last night he asked Eustacia if she was the one stealing pastries and she said no but I think he knows better.

"Well, I'm going to go do the survival classes." I don't know what makes me say it, but as soon as I do, I wish I could pull the words back.

Tyler raises an eyebrow. "Go ahead, then. Go do your survival classes."

"Does this mean I'm not in the alliance anymore?" I ask, trying to sound aggressive.

"No," he replies. "Unless you want it to."

"We'll see," I say smoothly, and gathering all my courage, I go over to the survival skills place. The District 12 kids are already there, trying in vain to light a fire. I know how to do this from all my times out camping. I successfully light a fire, earning me an approving glance from the trainer in charge of fires. I keep glancing at the District 12 tributes who still can't manage to make a flame. I kind of feel bad for them. I look over at my alliance, who are practically rolling on the floor laughing.

"Hey, guys," I say to the District 12 tributes. "You're doing it all wrong."

The boy glares at me. "Obviously, since I can't make it catch fire!"

"Do you want help or not?" I snap.

"Not really!" he retorts. There's real anger in his eyes. I think this boy would like to kill me. How odd that I think this so casually.

"Fine!" I yell, throwing my hands up. This kid is really annoying me. Then I realize that I was still holding my branch... that I'd lit on fire. The branch falls right onto the girl's hair. She shrieks and bats at it in vain.

"Gunther! Gunther, help!" she screams. She sounds terrified. I feel so bad.

"Stop, drop, and roll!" the boy, Gunther, barks at her, but there is genuine concern in his eyes. Then he turns to me with a fiery expression. If looks could kill...

"I'm so sorry, I swear, I didn't mean to..." I beg for forgiveness.

"Listen, I don't want to hear it," Gunther snaps. "But you've sure asked for it. This is war, 4. Just because you're the one with the fancy alliance with the stupid name, doesn't mean your stronger. And I promise you, in the end, Gunther Stark WILL kill you."

Then I notice my "fancy alliance with the stupid name" is standing right behind me.

"Don't mess with her," Tyler says. He looks even more intimidating now. If I wasn't the one being protected, I would be scared. "She's one of us."

Gunther spits at Tyler's feet and leads the girl with her hair now not flaming anymore, just smoking, over to the head trainer.

"That was hilarious," Ginny says to me when Gunther and company are gone. "The way you just threw the branch and it landed in her hair... like, LOL!"

I'm not sure what 'LOL' means, but I know that this was NOT funny. "He was scary!" I exclaimed.

Max laughs. "We'll protect you from him, Mags. Don't worry." At lunch, while we're waiting in line for our food, he leans over to me and whispers, "You know what, I think that was actually very noble of you to try and help those kids with us watching. Tyler respects you, you know."

Tyler, as in, our scary leader? Wow. I'm not that good.

"Thanks," I whisper back.

"No problem," he replies.

Gunther and his district partner don't come back for the rest of the day, and after lunch, Max takes my side and tries to convince the group to do survival skills. Tyler grudgingly agrees, and Ginny follows just because she's, well... she's a follower. After the majority of the group decides on doing survival, Hadrian is enthusiastic for it, and although I don't hate him or anything, I can't help but feel a little angry at him. He's such a follower too. He's afraid to do anything that the group doesn't like. I'm starting to get a sneaking suspicion that when the time comes, Hadrian will be the first one of us to get killed off. Still, he'd be a much better Victor than me, I remind myself again. It's true. Hadrian is that guy who everyone else wants to be. Victor would just be another title. He's be Nathan Alanson the Second. Me? I'd be that nobody girl.

That night at dinner, Hadrian doesn't waste any time telling Kai that we did the survival skills today.

"How'd you manage that with your alliance?" he asks. "I would think that they would be too high and mighty to deal with trivial things such as survival skills."

Hadrian laughs. "Well, you'll never believe what happened. It was so crazy! Mags better tell you, though, it was her. It was all her."

Kai looks at me with that intense gaze of his. The butterflies in my stomach are right on cue. "Really?" he asks. "Would you like to tell me what happened?"

Why, Hadrian, WHY? I don't want to talk to Kai! It makes me nervous! Oh come on, if you can light someone's hair on fire and stand up to your alliance, you can talk to Kai. "Well, I said we should do survival skills."

"You expect me to believe that they listened to you? I don't mean to offend, but you really aren't scary enough to convince them to do whatever you say."

"That's not all she did," Hadrian says. "She was really brave, and I was a chicken." Any anger I had felt toward Hadrian today immediately dissolves. Complimenting me in front of Kai will definitely get him on my good list. Hey, change that to really, really great list.

"They said no, so I went over to the fire station and started a fire." I went back to eating.

"But there's more!" Hadrian says. "It was so great!"

"If you want him to know so badly, then why don't you tell him?" I snap.

"Okay, well, the District 12 tributes were there too and they were a total fail at lighting fires so she asked them if they needed help and the boy was really mean and he said no and he got really mad and that made Mags mad and she accidentally dropped her fire and it fell on the girl's head! The guy got really mad and he said that he would kill her, which wasn't so awesome, but the rest of it was totally hilarious and you should have been there!" He says all this on a single breath.

Kai looks at me. For a second I think he's going to laugh, but then he says very seriously, "Mags, you've made an enemy. That could be dangerous. What if he decides to keep his promise?"

"He's only a puny kid from 12," Hadrian scoffs, but I'm nervous.

"No, Hadrian, I think he might try. He was really mad. Honestly, he hates my guts."

"Oh! My! No! None of this at the dinner table!" Eustacia squealed.

Kai just gets up and leaves, but on his way out he walks right by me and says quietly, "See what I mean? More common sense than that boy." I almost don't hear it, but I do.

"Your mentor is just very high-strung these days before the Games," Eustacia says lightly. "That doesn't need to keep you from enjoying your week here!" But somehow, it still does.

I stay with the Careers the rest of the week, even with everything Kai said and all my doubts. As much as I hate it, I realize that they are probably my best chance of protection from Gunther Stark. I know none of the others think he's a threat, but Kai seems to think he is, which makes me wary of that boy. Gunther does nothing for the rest of training week except occasionally glare at me.

When the final day of training comes, Kai takes the two of us to his room one at a time to discuss tactics. We will also do this tomorrow, before the interviews. Hadrian is in and out of there. He obviously knows what he's doing for assessment.

I have absolutely no idea. I don't know what to say when Kai calls me in.

"So what are you going to do?" he asks right away.

"I don't know," I reply. I hate to admit it, but it's true. "You're my mentor, aren't you supposed to help me with that?"

"I can only help you with so much!" he says frustratedly. "I can't make you suddenly be a whiz with archery! I can't give you a passion for swordsmanship!"

"I'm not good at anything," I say desperately. "I can't do anything good!"

He stares into space for a while, then slowly a smile starts to cross his face. He says the most unbelievable thing a mentor can ever say to a tribute and if anyone ever finds out he will probably be shot multiple times.

"Then don't _do_ anything."


	5. Chapter 5: Maximus Ellic

**I've had this on here for a couple days but I forgot to post it, sorry! I'm really going to regret the fast updates once I run out of pre-written stuff. Well, this is just the rest of the Before-the-Games stuff. And you see how Kai's plan turns out... And more of Briar's brilliance... And then party time... And then Mags has a very abrupt change of mind, but don't let that make you hate her, okay? Okay. **

**Oh, and I won't have a disclaimer for EVERY. SINGLE. CHAPTER, anymore, but for the last time, I only own the plot and a few of the characters.**

The boy from 3 is in there now, getting assessed. That means I'll be next. I was pretty happy that most of the other tributes gave Hadrian and me a wide berth due to our Career status. I like the sense of protection I have with them, but it's constantly combated with the sense of fear at being betrayed or worse.

"Magdalena Oceanus," comes the Head Gamemaker's voice. I stand up and take a couple deep breaths. Oh Kai I hope this works... He told me that the Capitol likes the occasional rebel.

"Good luck," Hadrian says. I haven't told him what I'm going to do, and I don't plan to. I don't have high hopes for this... But, as Kai said, what's the worst they can do? Kill me? They're already going to do that. Okay, it hurt a little that he didn't think I can win, but to be fair, I don't think I can win either.

Hadrian actually is my best friend here in the Capitol, but I think this whole training thing should stay between me and Kai.

I walk in. The Gamemakers are still sober for the most part because this is only the beginning, and there are a lot more tributes to go after me. I don't know what Hadrian is planning on doing but I hope he'll get a good score.

I stand there for a while. I stand there for a while longer, looking around at all the different stations. I start to whistle, because I'm getting kinda bored.

"Aren't you going to do something?" the head Gamemaker snaps.

"No," I say in a small voice.

"DO SOMETHING!" he bellows.

"N-No," I say in a voice that's louder but still quite shaky.

"Have it your way then!" he roars. "Get out of here!" he makes a shooing gesture. He didn't have to tell me twice. I was out of there before he could say Roast Pig.

**...**

"They hated me," I say in a choked voice.

"They didn't," Kai reassures me. "They were just surprised. I bet no one has ever tried something like that before."

I just shake my head and follow him to the main room so we can see the training scores. Julius Flickerman is just finishing the intro when I sit down on the couch between Kai and Hadrian.

"And now what you've been waiting for... this year's training scores! Starting with District 1 like always..." Oh no. I'm not ready.

_District 1._

_Maximus Ellic – 9._

_Ginolia Clyde – 10._

_District 2._

_Tyler Reese – 10._

_Violetta York – 10._

_District 3._

_Joey Skitte – 5._

_Holly Harp – 4._

_District 4._

_Hadrian Scrulls – 9._

_Magdalena Oceanus – 1._

I barely even register that they called me Magdalena instead of Mags. I'm too preoccupied with the number next to my name! A 1! A 1! I stare at the number in denial. This can't be me. It's not me. This was supposed to work.

I dimly hear Julius saying something about the "lowest training score ever" and it's all I can do to not throw up or start sobbing uncontrollably.

The tears are here, though. They sting the corners of my eyes as they try to break free. "I s-should have done something lame like- like start a f-fire.. it would have gotten me a better score than 1... l-lowest ever..."

"I'm sorry, it was my idea," Kai says. I hadn't even realized he had moved closer to me, but now he has an arm around my shoulders and he's trying to comfort me. It isn't working.

"That really stinks," Hadrian says sympathetically. "Stupid Gamemakers, must not know real talent, huh? At least you've got the Careers, and me... I've got your back Mags, don't worry."

**...**

The next day is the last one before the Games. I don't know what to do about my alliance, so I just stay with them while my mind is a train wreck.

Kai asks me what me interview angle is, and again I have to tell him that I don't know. I hate to do that to him, but I really have nothing likable about me. I can't (1) flirt (2) be vicious (3) be world weary (4) be funny (5) be talented (6) be innocent (7) be a rock that never says anything. Well, maybe I could do the last, but that would turn out as well as my training score. I don't even want to know what the "odds" are with me, but judging by the look on Kai's face, he knows and they aren't too great.

"I know you're not the greatest at this kind of thing," Kai says, "But you've got to think of something. What is something you really care about? Or, no, not care... something you feel really strongly about?"

"I don't know, Kai," I say tiredly for like the billionth time this week.

"Yes, you do!" he says fiercely. "You know stuff! Now THINK: What's something you feel very strongly about!"

He's getting frustrated, maybe even borderline on angry. I know I have to think of something, and fast. I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. "My family! Luis, Lilac! And Frederick!" I miss Frederick a lot, he would definitely know what to do in this situation. Sure, Kai is very good looking, and he's a great help, but Frederick just knows me better.

Kai stiffens at the last name. At least that's what it looks like. Then he regains his frustrated air and says, "All right then. That's progress. You can talk about how devoted you are to your family. How you'd do anything to win for them. The crowd really eats up sob stories like that."

"I don't think I'll be able to talk like that. I'll have a nervous breakdown."

"Tell me about them."

"What?"

"Tell me about your family."

"Well there's Luis, he's fourteen, only a year younger than me but sometimes it feels like he's younger because he's always needing my protection. This lame excuse for a Game scares the wits out of him and if he would have been reaped it would be the end of the world for me. And Lilac, she's twelve and still untouched by the Capitol and their evil, but this year was her first reaping and it was one of the worst days of her life. Especially because it was me. If I was her I'd never leave my room, either crying or too scared to do anything else. My mom is amazing and she never abandoned us, she was always there, even after my father died in the war, he was the bravest soldier that District 13 had and if he was still alive he'd probably be an Avox right now, with his tongue cut out and not able to speak about what the Capitol did to him. Frederick-"

"Okay, that's enough," Kai interrupts. "I see that's not going to work."

"Why?" I ask. "I was actually starting to starting to feel comfortable... for a couple seconds at least... I think that could actually work though!"

"You're too much like your father," he replies. "Rebel to the core. You should have hear yourself, every other sentence dissing the Capitol or saying how evil they are."

A rebel? I've never heard anyone describe me like that. Most people say I'm quiet, antisocial, too shy, at best mellow and laid-back. That girl in the background. Never a rebel.

Kai sighs. "Just answer the questions and try not to have a breakdown."

"I think I'll need one of those nausea pills beforehand," I say. I don't know what made me say that. I dreamed it, right? He'll think I'm an idiot. But no, he freezes. I start to wonder if he's okay, when I'm about to ask, he takes a bottle out of his pocket and tosses it at me. I catch it and read the label. It's the nausea pills, all right.

"There's that terrible drug, no need to be scared of it" he says with a faint smile. Then he leaves the room. And leaves me behind wondering what is going on here.

**...**

Briar gives me the greatest dress ever for my interview, and I'm still surprised at how great it is because she's such an amazing designer.

This one is a turquoise shade that's accented with sea foam green, but the best part isn't even the dress. It's the shoes. They're heels, which I'm still getting used to walking in, and they are very, very high ones too. I have to practice walking in them for a while so I don't trip flat on my face in front of the whole country. They're clear and appear to be filled with water, which I originally thought is a bit precarious, but Briar assured me that they will not break. She'd also given me a remote to turn them on when I'm ready. What that does is make the tread and sole of the shoe glow with a blue light, and bubbles float up. They are so awesome, for lack of a better word.

Waiting backstage, I had Hadrian behind me and the boy from 3, Hadrian informs me that his name is Joey, he had remembered from training, in front of me.

First is Ginny, and she giggles quite a lot and never says anything really serious. Max is pretty funny and he makes a few jokes and keeps up a light conversation with Julius. Violetta is kind of scary and all she does is grunt, but the crowd probably will sponsor her for her muscles. Tyler tells Julius all about the training school in District 2 and how if he won he would be a trainer there. The girl from 3 is too shy to say a word and the boy throws up in the middle of his interview. From where I am I can see the Gamemakers trying to edit that out of the TV broadcast.

Then it's me. My hands are sweaty from listening to the first 6 interviews and when I get under the limelight it doesn't make the situation a whole lot better.

"Hello Magdalena, or I hear that you prefer Mags?" Julius asks.

"Yes, I do prefer Mags," I say in a somewhat shaky voice.

"So what's this I hear about getting a 1 in training?"

"You hear? Weren't you the one reading the scores, or was it your evil twin?"

He laughs, along with a lot of the crowd. "Oh I think you mean my GOOD twin," he chortles. "Now tell me, what on earth did you do to score the lowest training score ever? That was one for the record books!"

"Nothing." I know Kai won't like this answer. Whoops. Oh well.

"I need details! We need details," he says gesturing to the crowd.

"Literally! I did nothing! I stood there and the Gamemaker yelled at me. The end!"

"Oh ho! That would explain a lot!" Julius exclaims.

"Yes, it would, wouldn't it?" I say sweetly.

"Ummm... Very nice shoes you have!" He's trying to change the subject. I'm all too willing to cooperate.

"My stylist Briar made them. They are lovely aren't they? Would you like to see what they do?"

"They do something besides look amazing? By all means... show us!"

I turn them on and let the crowd admire them for the rest of the interview time. Then the buzzer goes off and I hurry backstage as fast as I can.

"You did great!" Hadrian says. I can tell he's nervous for his interview, and when Julius calls his name he closes his eyes and takes a couple deep breaths before going out.

In the middle of Hadrian's interview, Kai comes up behind me. "That was NOT a good idea."

"What wasn't?" I ask, not looking away from the TV screen showing Hadrian.

"You aren't supposed to talk about what you did in training."

"You could have told me that!"

"You know not to do something stupid like that!"

"You told me to answer his questions! He asked how I got a 1!"

Kai just shakes his head. "Common sense, Mags..." He starts to walk away.

"Kai, why don't you mentor every year? You would be good at it. I mean, you are good at it." I don't know what makes me say that. There's something about Kai that makes me say things I don't know why I say them.

"What?" he asks.

"Why don't you mentor every year? Or leave your house in District 4?"

"Don't ask questions like that," he snaps.

"Why not?" I ask. I'm frustrated of getting non-answers. I need answers.

"You... you wouldn't understand. If you win I'll tell you, all right?" Then he left.

That hurt. Not the fact that he didn't want to tell me, but the thing about me winning. I know I can't and he knows it too. It's his way of saying You'll never know.

**...**

After interviews were (finally) over Max, Ginny, Tyler, and Violetta come up to Hadrian and I and Max says, "We're going to 2's place and have a Career party to celebrate going into the arena tomorrow! You want to join?"

Hadrian accepts right away, and I also agree just to stay on their good side. The party is actually not too bad. Tyler gets some food and we all watch the Julius Flickerman Late Night Show while eating.

In the middle of it Max comes up to me and says, "Out of all of us, you seem to trust the alliance the least. Do you... want to leave? It's ok if you do. I can cover for you and make sure the others don't... you know... kill you?"

So he noticed too... I search for a reply, and his brown eyes never leave me as he waits for an answer.

"No, I'm going to stay with you. I guess the reason I seem like I might not trust you all that much is because we HAVE only known each other for a week, and in the arena, making someone mad might... um, end it all."

"Yeah, we haven't known each other that long. But I think I'd like to know you better."

"I don't know why that might be!" I say. What is he playing at?

"Uhh... it's because you seem more.. I don't know... intelligent than Ginny and Violetta? That's probably not the right word for it. What I mean is most of the girls I know are like them; either total airheads or sawdust headed jocks. You... you're neither. It's... interesting. And I think I like the change," he says the last part with a crooked grin. "Anyway what I'm saying is you've got to be one of the sharpest people I've ever met. If I win I think I'd like to visit District 4. Of course, I bet there aren't many people there who are quite like you."

Huh. So maybe Max isn't that bad. Or is he just trying to get me to trust him? I don't know. He was on my side with the whole survival skills thing, and he seems to like me...

Then, Tyler and Ginny find something they aren't supposed to. A mentor's supply of drinks.

"He's drunk all the time!" Tyler says. "And me and Violetta couldn't figure out where he kept all those drinks until tonight!"

I really don't want to be around Tyler, Ginny, and Violetta when they had that, so I tell Max I have a headache and it Hadrian asks then tell him I went to my room to get some sleep.

As I walk back to the District 4 level I think maybe Careers aren't all untrustworthy. Max doesn't seem bad at all when I get to know him a little better. Maybe between him and Hadrian loser me actually might have some friends.

The first thing I hear when I come back is a familiar voice. The speaker is someone who still never fails to make me nervous. Kai. I still don't know how to feel about the whole "I'll tell you is you win" thing, so I just try not to think about it. It's another problem that I do NOT need right now. Or ever.

Anyway, he's talking to Eustacia and I don't think either of them notice I'm back, because they carry on their conversation, and I realize that this particular conversation happens to be about me.

"She's going to be their first target," Kai is saying. "After her interview? She'll be lucky to be alive after the first day!"

"It can't have been that bad, Kai," Eustacia says.

"It was! She told them all she did in training was sit around and do nothing! That's the kind of thing the Capitol doesn't take kindly to!"

"I seem to recall that you were the one who thought up that idea," Eustacia says sternly.

"Yeah, it was stupid!"

"And how would you know, anyway! I doubt that you are a spy for President Burns!"

There's a moment of silence before Kai says, "Because it happened to me."

"I'm not going to ask, Kai," Eustacia says kindly. "But don't lose faith in Mags."

"Sometimes I just don't know if I'd rather she won or died in the arena!"

My jaw literally dropped. I know Kai and I aren't the best of friends, but really? He hates me that much? I thought, at least after the pill incident...!

"You want her to win, of course!" Eustacia cries. Thank you Eustacia! At least someone is on my side.

"It's so selfish, and cruel, but I want her to win! I really do! The winners, they're never the same. They always change. Every single one of them! And it's usually for the worse." His voice cracks at the end. "But I want her to win... Because, I think... I think I'm"

His voice trails off, at least that's what it sounds like to me. I really don't want to know what he said. I want to run in there and yell at him for wishing I wouldn't win. But then he would know I'd been listening, and that would just make everything worse. So the only thing I can do is go to my room, and when I'm there, I can't help but think that maybe, just possibly, Maximus Ellic is a lot cuter than Kai Saro...

**Is she shallow? Yes. But seriously, wouldn't you do the same thing in her place? I definitely would. In the Games there won't be a whole lot of time to think about that, though...**


	6. Chapter 6: First Deaths and Deep Talks

**Hello all, I am back with the start of the Games! Not a whole lot of suspense, probably, because you all know exactly who is going to win in the end. Oh, and if the format is weird I'll try to fix it later, but my computer is being very strange lately and things don't work. :P Well I should probably end my rambling and let you read. If anyone is reading this anyway.**

When I wake up in the morning, still slightly red-eyed from crying last night (I hate to admit I actually cried over what Kai said, but I did), Hadrian looks at me nervously, not saying anything. He eats breakfast, and I just sit there and stare at the food I know I'll never be able to possibly eat. I think back to Day One of training when Kai told me I couldn't go to training on an empty stomach... why did he bother giving me advice if he wants me to die?

Kai and Eustacia are (thankfully) gone already. They've gone to the Sponsors Square, trying to find someone who might maybe sponsor us. Well, Eustacia is probably trying to help me, but Kai most certainly is not.

The outfit they had us tributes wear is a plain orange T-shirt and a grey pullover sweatshirt with sweatpants, nothing more, nothing less. I wonder what the arena might be this year. Last year it was a glacier, but judging from out apparel I think it'll be a little tamer.

On the hovercraft, I sit in between Hadrian and Max. The ride isn't long, but it's just as pleasant as it is long. The Peacekeepers give us our trackers. It's less than pleasant to watch them do it, and I turn away when they do mine. I swear I see the Peacekeeper smirk. Max grins at my discomfort, and I almost laugh when he does the same thing when it's his turn. Hadrian is the worst of us, though. He dry heaves and almost throws up on Gunther's shoes. Oh man. I almost forgot about Gunther in my anger at Kai. Now that the day has come will Gunther keep his promise and kill me? Kai would be forever in his debt.

I give Hadrian an encouraging smile and he gives a weak one back, and in no time we're landed and taken to separate rooms. We wait with our stylists, and right away Briar hugs me. I'm surprised to find tears in my eyes. I don't know Briar that well, but she's nice and a great friend to me in my short time in the Capitol.

"You're going to try and win," she says. She has tears in her eyes too.

"Yeah, I am," I reassure her. "For sure. I don't think I could make all of the people I care about watch me die... you, Luis, Lilac, Frederick, my mom, Hadrian..."

"Eustacia and Kai?" Briar says with a tearful grin.

"Yeah, them too," I say, even though it hurts. I think Eustacia would be genuinely sad if I died. But Kai would be throwing a party. At least Eustacia will probably yell at him for it. I still don't like to think about that, even though I DON'T like Kai anymore. I like Max and that is final.

Then I have to go stand in a tube. It brings me up, up, up, up... to an arena of deciduous forest. It would be beautiful under normal circumstances. The Cornucopia is about fifty yards ahead of me and bright spots shine on the forest floor where the trees let sunlight in a few places.

I'm in between two tributes I don't know, and I'm distracted trying to find my allies when the countdown starts.

_..52.51.50._

I spot Hadrian four to my right. He still looks a little sick and I hope he'll be okay.

_..41.40._

There's Max, next to Violetta. And to my left, Ginny and Tyler are already eyeing their weapons of choice.

_..31.30_.

I decide I should be looking for things I might want too, and I scan the glade for something useful. A water bottle glints in the sun.

_..21.20_.

Is Kai in the Sponsors Square right now, crossing his fingers and hoping I'll get killed?

_..11.10._

Ten seconds. It just got realer than I ever wanted.

_9._

_8._

_7._

_6._

_5._

Everything is unusually clear. I've always had 20/20 vision, but everything comes into perfect focus at this moment. _Adrenaline rush. I hope you will save my life._

_4._

_3._

_2._

_1._

_No, no, no, no, no, no... I'm not ready..._

GONG

Everything is a blur around me. The tributes on either side of me take off for the Cornucopia. I follow, all the while frantically looking around for someone in my alliance, anyone, even Violetta right now would be welcome.

My heart has somehow migrated to my throat. I look down at the grass that is already stained red. I feel dizzy. _The world is watching, you idiot! DO something! _I tell myself. I lean down to pick up a sword, but it feels heavy and unbalanced in my inexperienced hands. I have honestly never held a sword before. I also pick up a blue backpack and swing it over my shoulder, then I'm on the lookout for anyone trying to kill me.

There's a thud from behind me and I turn around to see Gunther. He has a bitter look like he just missed Christmas. I notice that there is a knife buried in my backpack. Now he has a spear, and I'm afraid he's going to put it to use. Sure enough, he thrusts it forward but doesn't throw it and I fall for the trick. I cringe and put my backpack in front of my face but put it back over my shoulder when I see he's faking me out. Then he throws it for real. I don't have time to get the backpack so I lift the heavy sword and the spear clatters against the flat end of the blade. I breathe a sigh of relief. I got majorly lucky there.

"GUNTHER!" someone shrieks from behind me. I turn yet again to see it's his District partner, the girl whose hair I set on fire. Gunther doesn't waste any time before taking off. He shoves past me as he goes, knocking me off-balance.

Another boy I don't know charges me. He has a sword that looks longer and sharper than mine. I try to do the same thing I did with Gunther's spear but this opponent has a better weapon and close range. He makes a few jabs at me, then his eyes roll back in his head. In alarm I look down and see a spear tip sticking out of his stomach. The boy collapses to reveal Max standing behind me, already holding another spear.

"Come on," he says. "Almost everyone's out of here, and we need to regroup to get rid of the stubborn ones." We run right to the mouth of the Cornucopia, where Tyler and Hadrian are working together to fight off another boy. Tyler looks fine but Hadrian is breathing hard and the boy almost knocks him down.

I scan the clearing. No one else alive. The place is scattered with bodies, and small rivers of red stain the once beautiful grass.

"Finish it!" A yell comes that makes me look back at the action. It was Tyler yelling to Hadrian. Hadrian decapitates the boy smoothly. I wish I had time to look away. There it is. Hadrian killed. I haven't yet. What scares me is that I probably will when the time comes. I never thought about how I would handle this not-so-little issue of killing people.

Then the cannons start going off. They don't do them during the fight because it gets too confusing for the viewers, I remember. I count them off in my head. There are seven including the one Hadrian killed just now.

"Now we get to chill," Tyler says. "But first let's account for everything we've got. Everything in the Cornucopia, a lot of weapons, and whatever Mags has in that backpack. Sounds good to me!"

What _is _in my backpack? I take it off, pull out the knife, and zip it open. There is some rope, a pack of beef jerky, and a plastic water bottle. Not the greatest stuff.

"Why did you grab that anyway?" Ginny asks. "Not like we need it."

"What's wrong with that? More for us and less for them," Hadrian says. I hadn't expected him to stick up for me like that. Maybe he isn't as much of a coward as I thought. He did kill someone. But is that really courage? I don't know and I don't care to think about it right now. I've got too many other things to think about.

"True," Tyler agrees. "Hey... where's Violetta?"

I didn't notice she was gone. She is really not the most social person and I think my whole time in the Capitol she said two sentences to me.

"She didn't die, did she?" Max asks. "I don't remember seeing her dying..."

"No, I don't either..." I say.

"Well I guess we'll find out tonight then," Tyler says, shrugging. "It's not like I care that much. I mean she was powerful but she's just the kind of girl who would kill you in your sleep. I was gonna take her out first anyway." I'm shocked at how nonchalant Tyler is about this. She was his District partner and his ally! Is he going to be like that when I'm gone? "Anyway, I think some of us should go on a quick hunt before it gets dark. Anyone in?"

"Me," Hadrian volunteers, but I think it's just to get on his good side. At least I hope so.

"I'll go too," Max says.

"Well then it's a guys night out. Ginny, Mags, you'll be lookout here. Any trouble, use this handy thing I found in the Cornucopia." He tosses Ginny what looks like a whistle. "It's a whistle. A beastly loud one. My dad used it in training."

"You don't have to worry about me, I'll come back," Max says, winking at me.

"Uhh, is that really necessary?" I groan. He laughs.

"I think that's enough, Romeo," Tyler says, but he sounds amused, like he can't believe Max likes me. Well too bad for you, Tyler. The three boys leave.

I don't know what to do next. I am not really friends with Ginny. In fact, I'm not sure that I've ever talked to her. I hope I don't have to say something to break the silence, but it is reaching the point of Awkward.

She does it for me. "So you and Max are a thing?"

"A... what?" Of all the things to ask...

"You know... a _couple_?" She says this slowly like I wouldn't be able to understand it any other way. I know what she's talking about and I might be blushing. I sure hope not.

"No."

"Oh. But do you want to be?"

"Umm... I don't know?"

"It's a simple question girl, do you like him or do you not!" Ginny cries in frustration. "He likes you or why else would he ask me to find out for him!"

"What?" This throws me off guard. "Is this something you weren't supposed to tell me?"

She smiles at me. "Technically, yes. But a good matchmaker will always bend the rules! It's obvious that you will never tell me if you like him or not unless I tell you that he likes you."

"Wha... hold on... Who... what... Matchmaker?" I sputter.

"Just answer the question, girlfriend," she says. She is now holding a knife, so it might be wise to answer the question. But what to say? Suddenly the pieces fall together. Here is the perfect opportunity to prove it to myself once and for all that I do NOT like Kai Saro anymore.

"Yeah. I do. And you're right... I wouldn't have told you unless you told me that he likes me." Oh no, what to do next? I have zero experience with this kind of thing. Looks like it's time to channel my inner fangirl. If I have any. "Does he really like me? Like _like _like me?" I say quietly. That better be good enough because I don't know if I can go more fangirly than that.

"Oh yeah he does," Ginny says. "You're like all he talks about. Gets kind of annoying."

"Really?"

"Yeah." She gets up and walks around. "This is boring. I'm gonna go scout around the perimeter for anyone stupid enough to not run away."

"Okay. And, Ginny?" She stops. "Thanks."

"Hey, it's no problem," she laughs. "One girl to another, it's what we do. Now if you were to find out if Tyler likes me then I would be forever grateful, but, you know... just a tip?" She gives me one last smile before walking away.

Well. Ginny is certainly... interesting. We're in the fight for our lives and somehow she still finds a way to fit guys and relationships into this whole thing. I wonder what it must be like in her mind. I feel kind of mean for my first thought being _very, very simple. _There's probably more to her than she's willing to show. This is just her way of dealing with everything that's going on. I think, deep down, I'm not all that different from Ginny.

Whoa. When did I become a philosopher?

I don't have time to think on this before I hear a cannon boom and loud yells that mean the boys are coming back.

"We got one!" Max yells. "And I'm back!" He looks over at Ginny, who has just come back. She gives a small nod, but that tells me everything I need to know. What she said is legit.

"Only one," Tyler grunts, and he thrusts his sword down into the ground where it sticks up. When I look at him strangely, he says, "What? Can you think of a better place to put it?"

"Fair enough," I say.

By that time it's almost dark, and in about ten minutes the anthem plays and the first face shown is the girl from District 3. That means Violetta isn't dead.

"Well where is that girl if she's not dead?" Max asks in disbelief. "She was pretty sneaky!"

"No matter," Tyler says. He has a grim look. "She's now officially ditched the alliance. Anyone that comes across her kills her, got it? She's an enemy now."

"Aye Aye Captain," Max says with a ridiculous salute.

Someone comes and sits next to me. It's Hadrian. I'm glad it's him. I haven't got to talk to him all day, pretty much. Being in a fight for your life sure cuts off your social time.

"How's it going?" he asks.

"Well, there have only been two attempts on my life today, so I guess pretty good."

He laughs. "Okay, that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"About... attempts on my life?"

"No..." he kicks the ground awkwardly. "About attempts on life in general. I killed someone today." He gives me a pleading look. "Something's wrong."

"This Game is what's wrong," I mutter.

"No, like with me. I'm turning into a killer. I'm not a killer, Mags! That's not... that's not me! These Games are turning me into something I'm not."

"First of all Hadrian, there's nothing wrong with you," I say, looking him in the eye. "And I mean that. Killing is necessary. It's kill or be killed here."

"Yeah, but still... I don't want the killing to become a... a part of me."

"How can killing become a part of you?"

"The memory... the memory of actually taking someone's life... I don't think I'll ever forget it for the rest of my life. Of course, my life isn't going to last that much longer anyway."

"Don't say that," I say harshly. "Just don't."

"It's true! I don't have a chance. Kai knows it too. And you know it. And our whole alliance knows it. I'm not going to win, and that's why you have to. Please say you're going to try."

"Hadrian, I was going to try even before you gave me that little speech. For Luis and Lilac and Frederick and my mom and my dad even though he's dead..." I start to get choked up. I hope there is a really interesting fight going on somewhere right now, because I don't want to be broadcast right now.

"See, that's what I mean. You have all these people who you love, and that love is giving you something to win for. Me? I've got nothing. My family all hates me. I don't even have a girlfriend!"

"I know a lot of girls who would give their left arm to be your girlfriend," I say, thinking of the crowd of giggling girls who came to visit me after the reaping.

"Yeah, but I don't like any of them. I don't know what kind of girl I would like. I haven't met one yet. No offense Mags, but..."

"None taken," I say quickly. "I don't, you know, feel that way about you either. You're more like my older brother or something."

"That sounds good. I like that. My family... well, my dad's a drunk, my mom's never home anymore and you know what I mean by THAT... I have one older brother and he's a Peacekeeper."

I never knew that about Hadrian. I remember the first night in the Capitol wondering about his family. Now I know. "But you would be a better Victor than me."

He laughs bitterly. "What's that supposed to mean? Our mentor likes you better. I don't blame him. I'm not exactly likable."

"More than I am!" I protest. "Besides, Kai does NOT like me better..." Before I can use my better judgment, I tell him everything I heard the night before the Games.

He listens thoughtfully and when I'm done he says, "You know what? I never liked Kai that much anyway. I mean, how much mentoring did he actually do? Ignore him. He's a-" I think his next word was probably edited out of the TV viewing, if we are actually being shown right now.

"Hadrian!" I say, shoving him. "Not nice!"

"Ah well. Good night then, 'little sister.'" He goes into the Cornucopia where everyone is sleeping. I don't go in there just yet. Instead I look up at the stars and think that maybe Hadrian isn't as short on common sense that Kai seemed to think.


	7. Chapter 7: Alliances 101

**I have returned. With the news that a new story is on the horizon! For Hunger Games, because I can't seem to write anything else at the moment. I updated in a hurry so let me know if you see any spelling, punctuation errors, or something that just doesn't look right. Next chapter is the end of the Games!**

The next day is very uneventful. We all go on a hunt, but we don't find anyone. At around noon, we do hear a cannon, but we had nothing to do with it. And I'm not complaining!

Tyler is very dejected as we head back to the Cornucopia. Ginny keeps telling him we'll have better luck tomorrow and that it's just a slow day and there are still plenty of tributes to kill. She seems to really like him, but he's too clueless to take a hint.

"Hey, I saw you and Hadrian talking last night," Max says suddenly to me. We had been walking together and I'm surprised he wants to talk about... that.

"Yeah. About stuff..."

"Huh. Stuff." He looks kind of disappointed about this. I realize why.

"Oh, no, I don't like Hadrian and he doesn't like me. We have told each other that."

"Really."

"Yeah."

I can tell he doesn't fully believe me, but I think he wants to. We're back at the Cornucopia now, and the anthem is just starting to play.

"Home sweet home," Hadrian says, tossing his spear down. "I'm sacked."

"Yeah, it's been a long day. We all better get some sleep," Tyler agrees. "Let's hit the hay."

We crawl into the Cornucopia and are asleep right away, even me, and I had a hard time sleeping in the comfort of the Capitol. It was a long day.

So long that none of us notice the extra person that's there when we come back.

**...**

I'm running in the forest that I walked what seems like every inch of today. It's dark now, though, and there's a pack of... well, something, behind me. They're chasing me. I can feel their hot (and nasty) breath as I tear through the woods. They're almost on me. I'm knocked to the ground, but the dog-thing doesn't eat me. Instead it just nudges me with its front paw. Wait a minute, now it's talking. It's saying my name. It sounds like Max...

Oh wait. It IS Max. He's saying my name in a harsh whisper. I roll over. "What?" I whisper.

"There's someone else in here," he says so quietly he's hardly talking.

I don't think he's talking about Hadrian, Ginny, or Tyler. He wouldn't be so freaked out if he was. There's got to be someone else. Gunther? He could have come in while we were out... my heart rate triples. Here it is. Gunther Tries To Kill Me Part 2.

"I'm going to try and get them," he mouths. I nod. He slowly moves over to the corner of the Cornucopia. _Please don't do anything stupid, Max... _I silently beg him.

Then he jumps up and I see the knife he had hidden under him. He jumps at the corner, which makes him look very stupid, but not when the corner attacks him. Okay, so it isn't the corner that attacks him. But this person looks a lot bigger than Gunther. With a shock I realize it's Violetta! She looks downright frightening in the dark. She must have faced some problems in the arena because she has a huge bloody gash across her face.

That doesn't stop her from viciously attacking Max with a long knife she is holding. How long was she waiting here? What would have happened if Max hadn't woken up. I glance over at my other allies. They haven't stirred. Has Violetta already killed them? The nearest to me is Hadrian, and I shove him to make sure he's actually alive.

"Hey!" he grunts. "I was having a really good dream..." Then he sees Max fighting Violetta and he says, "Is that who I think it is...?"

"Yes, it's our former ally," is all I have time for. I move over to Tyler and Ginny and wake them up too.

"More boy troubles?" Ginny asks when I wake her up. Then she sees Violetta and she jumps up faster than I ever could after sleeping. She's already holding her knife and she jumps into the fight.

Tyler is still trying to digest what is happening. Then he smacks himself on the forehead. "How could I have let this happen!" He grabs his sword and jumps up. Hadrian gets his spear and follows. Now I'm the only one not helping in some way, mainly because I'm rubbish with weapons.

It's four against one, but Violetta is holding up well. She's not going to last much longer, I can tell. Why would she be stupid enough to bring on a five-on-one fight? Maybe... because it won't be a five-on-one fight. She found allies and they're probably waiting for the right moment. I can't tell anyone about this because then they would be distracted, giving Violetta a good chance to take out at least one of them. There's only one thing I can do, and I'm not very excited about it...

I grab the sword I had at the bloodbath and sneak out of the Cornucopia, pressing myself against the left wall the whole time, hoping the shadows will hide my presence. I do the same thing outside, although the golden Cornucopia that's all shiny in the moonlight isn't doing a whole lot to hide me. I think about crawling around the Cornucopia commando-style, but that seems like a REALLY bad idea.

Then two other tributes are on me. They both have swords bigger than mine and they are about twice my size. One boy and one girl. They look almost identical, which makes me wonder if they're twins. But no time to think about that right now. They're attacking me.

There's no way I can handle two at once, but I try anyway. Trying is better than dying... right? They advance on me until I'm backed up against the Cornucopia and I have nothing else to do but dodge all their blows. I have a bad feeling that they're not really trying anymore and they're just playing with me until they get the OK from Violetta to kill me.

Then the boy decides to make things more interesting, so he finally disarms me and my sword flies ten feet to my left. Great. It's not like it was doing me much help, I guess.

"You idiot," the girl growls. "What was that?"

He shrugs. "Dunno. I got bored."

"Bored? 'Ey I'll show you bored!"

"Worst comeback ever, sis," So they are brother and sister.

Then someone yells, "Mags! Heads up!" My sword is flying at me. I catch it, which is surprising, but the hilt IS made of metal, so my hand kind of hurts now. My rescuer is Ginny, the one I would have least expected. She dives at the twins with her knife (I still don't know how she can fight with such a short blade. I have a hard time with a long one) and now they look kind of scared as they fight back. Hadrian comes out too in a matter of seconds. I decide that this time I won't be useless and I try to fight too, but I keep getting in their way and I think I might be more of a hindrance than a help. So I run back to the mouth of the Cornucopia, where Max and Tyler are fighting Violetta. When she sees me she gives me an evil grin and makes a wide swipe to get Max and Tyler farther away from her. Then she runs through them and right at me. Oh no... what does Violetta want with me? I never did anything to her... that I can remember.

She goes past me too. Apparently she thinks I'm too lame to care about right now. Well that makes me mad, and I want to prove her wrong. So I follow her around and when she's not looking I jump at her... but she sees it coming and she turns around at the last minute. Our blades are locked in a stalemate. I think she can break it, though. She's clearly the strongest. Her face turns red with the effort as she pushes harder and harder. It's almost too much for me. Soon my sword is going to snap or my wrist is going to break. Either way, I'm weaponless, which in this case is synonymous with death. SNAP! I think that might be my wrist... it hurts worse than anything has ever hurt. Oh no, Luis and Lilac are probably watching this... no, it's the middle of the night. Well, they will in the morning.

Violetta is standing over me with a malicious grin on her face. In the moonlight she looks downright evil. "No one here to save you now, is there?" she says, then spits on the ground next to me. I want to throw up. I'm about to start dry heaving when I realize that I shouldn't be showing weakness in front of her. That would definitely be a mistake. Violetta brandishes her sword in front of my face, then she straightens her arm and just like that the sword is pointing at my throat. Violetta's muscles tense. She's about to do it. I brace myself for death. How badly will it hurt? How long will it take? I've let everyone down. I came this far just to die in the first real fight I'm in. Then of course I do the stupidest thing ever and think about Kai. He'll be pleased with this turn of events. The cold steel is barely touching me. I start to think she might actually back down when she lifts the sword and gets ready to swing it down.

But the blow never arrives. I faintly hear people fighting around me, then a shriek pierces the night air and is cut short. I hear a thud. Everything is starting to spin around me and I'm beginning to see in occasional flashes of light instead of true vision. I get up as well as I can but I'm still kind of slouching on the grass leaning on my good arm. More people yelling. Swords clash. Then there's a silence. Everything still swimming in front of me, I pull myself over to where people are. I recognize their voices. They are my allies.

"Mags, are you all right?" Max asks.

I try to say "fine" but I find that I can't talk. There's a body laying in front of me. No, two bodies. One is Violetta... the other is... is Ginny. Is she dead? _No, no, don't be dead! _I panic. I pull myself closer and see that she is still breathing shallowly.

"H-hey, Mags," she says in a breathy voice that is barely more than a whisper.

"Ginny," I manage to say.

"G-good luck," she says. Then there's a cannon.

"GINNY!" I scream. I don't even know her that well, but all the same, this is the first time I've watched a friend die.

There's a choking laugh. I realize it's Ginny. "Not dead yet," she says. "That... Violetta."

"Did you kill her?" I ask. She nods. "So you saved me! There's no way I'll ever be able to repay... okay, you're not dead, let's get you back to the Cornucopia and we'll get you some medical help and soon you'll be okay!" At that moment I actually believe myself.

"No," she whispers. "Not dead yet... but soon..."

My hopes come crashing down around me. "You're not going to die!"

"Remember what I told you today..." Her eyes close for the last time. The cannon goes off. I start to cry. So weak of me. I don't care. Before I fully know what's going on everything fades to black...

**...**

When I wake up, everything hurts, but especially that wrist that I think I broke. It's kind of dark but there's a pale light shining that I recognize as the light of dawn from all the times I've seen it waking up early in the morning. Usually on reaping days.

"She's awake!" a boy's voice yells. It's not an excited yell. It sounds more dull. Why would they not be happy that I'm awake? Or are they sad about something else. Oh yeah... Ginny is dead. Just thinking it makes me want to burst into tears again.

"Hadrian! Max! Tyler!" I yell all three of their names in a short gasp of breath and shoot up into a sitting position, sending jolts of pain up my wrist. I let out a hiss of pain.

Hadrian laughs grimly. "Me, Max, no Tyler."

"What happened to Tyler!" I shriek. "He- he didn't-"

"I'm sorry that you had to wake up to news like this," Max says. "He... he was killed by that kid who has it in for you... what's his name?"

"Gunther," Hadrian says quietly. "Gunther Stark."

"He was trying to get you," Max explains. "But you were still out, and Tyler... well, after Ginny died he just hasn't been the same, you know? He fought to protect you but I just don't think his heart was really in it. I think he could have beaten 12 if he wanted... anyway, he's joined Ginny now, and there's nothing we can do about it."

This sends another stab of pain into my heart. It seems like my life has just been a circle of pain. Dad dies- pain. I get reaped and have to say goodbye to everyone I love- pain. Kai, the mentor I once thought of as more than just a mentor, hates me- pain. Ginny and Tyler die- pain. But it's time to think about now. And speaking of Kai, didn't he say I shouldn't trust the Careers? And now, two of them die for me! Another reason for me to distrust Kai. I know I also didn't trust them at the time, but I conveniently forget about that. "How long was I out?"

"A few days," Hadrian says.

"And who's left?"

Max answers this question. He says it so fast I think he must have really thought long and hard about it. "Me, the boy from 3, you, Hadrian, girls from 5, 8, and 9, and both from 12."

I feel dizzy. "Well that escalated quickly. There are only... 9 of us left?" _8 more to die before I go back home... _I can't believe I just thought that. Me going home means Hadrian and Max dying. I don't think I could take that. _So you're weak, _I mock myself. Well okay, maybe I am. I definitely am.

"I think we need to get rid of Gunther," I say.

"Yeah, we do," Hadrian says. "This guy is probably our biggest enemy. From 12 of all places. Who would've thought."

"We have to hunt him," I say in a voice that's too brave, too daring for me.

"Yes. Not yet though," Max says. "You can't move around so well yet, can you?"

"I'm fine," I snap. I try to stand up. I can, and I can walk too, but I'm shaky. Trekking through the woods? Nah, don't think so. Fighting? Laughable.

"No, you're not," Hadrian agrees. "You better lay low awhile. Us too."

"Fine," I finally give in, but I don't like it.

A couple more days pass. I rest and Hadrian and Max take turns guarding. I talk to both of them a lot and get to know them even better. They are seriously my best friends in the world, besides my family of course. I never had any close friends in District 4, and sometimes I think back to school there and Hadrian being Mr. Popular and me being Miss Nobody. I was kind of a loser back then- hey, I'm still a loser, but at least I have friends now- but still I want those days back. When everything was so simple. There was no daily risk of death.

Hadrian tells me some stories about his alcoholic father and Max tells me about his family. His dad is a trainer and he resembles a pitbull terrier from Max's description, and Max's mom is real timid and shy, and kind of scared of his dad. It was one of those forced marriage things like you hear about in ancient cultures.

When I get too restless for talking, Max finds me a weapon I can use with one hand, like a knife, and I do practice bouts with either Hadrian or Max. I feel like my skills are improving, but it might just be that they're going easy on the injured girl.

Still Max and I are not officially a couple, but I can't help wanting to. Sometimes I think Hadrian might be catching on, because he'll occasionally leave us alone purposely, making some excuse to go do something.

After four more days with no trouble, although I can't shake the feeling that Gunther is somewhere in the bushes, watching us, there are a few more tributes dead. Now there are six of us left. I can pull the list from the top of my head. _Max. Boy from 3 whose name I remember is Joey, but that's surprising because he's the kid who threw up during interviews and he seems like kind of a weakling. Haha, not any more than me, and I've gotten this far..., Hadrian, me, Gunther, and his District partner whose name I can't remember. If I ever did know it._

Then while I'm sparring with Max, a boy I don't recognize stumbles out of the woods. Going through the list in my mind I realize he must be Joey, the boy from 3, because I know everyone else who's still around. His clothes are torn and bloodstained, and he's filthy, and there are quite a few bleeding scratches down his chest. He staggers up to us and says in a slurred voice, "They're coming... they're coming..."

"Who's coming?" Max asks. He's in full warrior mode, to attention. I can only look at his scratches and wonder what could have done that do him. It looks like he tried to bandage them at one time, but the bandages are off now and he still hasn't stopped bleeding. "Who's coming?" Max repeated, more severely.

"The... uhh... the... the..." He can't seem to be able to speak. He mutters something under his breath.

"What's that?" Max asks harshly.

"MUTTATIONS!"

**DUM DUM DUMMMMM! -Insert suspenseful music here- I'm so evil for ending a chapter that way.**


	8. Chapter 8: Victor

**Well, I'm sure everyone must completely hate me now. I left you all with that ginormous (I find the lack of red line under that word interesting) cliffhanger in the last chapter, and then disappeared from the face of the earth. Sometimes I wonder if everyone thought I died, or something. Not that there are an insane amount of readers, anyway! But to you guys who are reading, sorry for the unexpected hiatus. I was really busy up until the middle of April, and after that I was just too lazy to update because my computer was broken. But enough excuses, I am back! And I actually had to re-read a lot of stuff to understand what was going on, it's been so long since I've written about Mags... I hope I haven't ruined her character over the extended break... **

_"__Who's coming?" Max asks. He's in full warrior mode, to attention. I can only look at his scratches and wonder what could have done that do him. It looks like he tried to bandage them at one time, but the bandages are off now and he still hasn't stopped bleeding. "Who's coming?" Max repeated, more severely._

_"__The... uhh... the... the..." He can't seem to be able to speak. He mutters something under his breath._

_"__What's that?" Max asks harshly._

_"__MUTTATIONS!"_

"MUTTATIONS!" Joey yells at the top of his lungs. Max's gaze darts around nervously.

"Not so loud... did you say MUTTATIONS?"

"MUTTATIONS... Muttations..." Joey says, shaking now. It's clear that something scrambled his brain and he's not quite right. A cannon goes off not too far from us and Joey freaks out, screaming and running around the clearing like a chicken with its head cut off. Max chases him, tries to wrestle him down and get him to be quiet, because he's basically screaming CALLING ALL ENEMIES! WE'RE HERE!

Hadrian run out of the Cornucopia. "What's going on?" he demands, then sees Max in a wrestling match with Insane Boy and looks at me in confusion. "What's going on?"

"This kid runs out of the woods with these huge scratches and he says something about Muttations," I say quickly.

"Muttations! We've got to run. We have to get out of here." Hadrian has suddenly paled. "All those years of watching the Hunger Games... you will never know how scared I am of those stinking Muttations..." He's going into panic attack, almost, which is weird because I never see Hadrian scared.

"Max! We have to get out of here!" I scream. "Bring him with us!"

"We can't!" Max argues. "He'll attract any Muttation for miles around!"

"We can't leave him to die!" Sure he's completely wacko but he did warn us about the Mutts and that's definitely something that should be repaid.

"We have to!" Hadrian says. "Now LET'S JUST GET OUT OF HERE!"

Then there's a rustling in the bushes and a huge cat thing jumps out. It's like a lynx that I've seen pictures of, but this is bigger, and I doubt any lynx has teeth that long and sharp.

"Do you remember Ancient History class?" Hadrian asks, hyperventilating now. I nod. "Well this... this... this..." Frantic breathing. "This is a Saber tooth Tiger!"

My heart just about jumps out of my chest. Two more Mutts burst out of the undergrowth and so does Gunther. There's blood on his hands and just about every other inch of him but he seems unhurt so I don't think it's his own. I remember the cannon a couple minutes ago. Gunther's partner must be dead.

When the Mutts and Gunther jump out Max forgets about Joey and leaves him in the clearing. The Mutts pounce on him and rip him to shreds. There's blood everywhere and I can't look away even though I desperately want to. He screams in agony as they eat him alive, blood still spattering everywhere as they repeatedly sink their teeth into him. I'm frozen in that spot until Max grabs me and pulls me into the woods along with Hadrian, who looks like he was also frozen for a short time. I still hear Joey's dying screams echoing in the still air of the dusk, and the Mutts' snarls are so loud and terrible I almost can't hear the cannon a sign of Joey's death.

Gunther soon joins us and he has a wild, almost feral look in his eye as he growls, "I'm going to kill you now." He draws a double-edged sword and I tremble at the thought of me with only my short knife, because my arm that's wrist got broken is still in a sling, unable to be used. "It's time for Gunther Stark to keep his promise. Gunther always keeps his promises. He's going to kill you now... ALL OF YOU!" He yells. It's a tortured yell. I can only wonder what happened to him. He was always a jerk but now he's twisted, demented, almost not human. He jumps at Max and starts hacking away with his sword. Max has a knife like me because we were sparring, and he has no chance against Gunther's massive sword. He's quickly overpowered, and Gunther makes a vicious slash across his chest. It starts at his left shoulder and goes down to his right hip. He immediately crumples to the ground.

That leaves Hadrian and me. Hadrian is unarmed and I have only my knife. Hadrian quickly leans down to pry Max's knife out of his bloodied hand and together, we start to drive Gunther back and out of the woods. We are now back in the clearing where the Mutts are just polishing off their meal. The grass is running red with small rivers of blood. Then Hadrian slips in a puddle of red and falls to the ground, sending up another spatter. The Mutts turn on him and I'm left to fight back Gunther by myself with only one hand. I'm no match for him, but I whirl around and kick him in the stomach, and he clutches his stomach with one arm and wildly flails his sword around with the other. Then he breaks away and dashes into the woods.

"COWARD!" I scream. "YOU COWARD!" He doesn't reply. Not like I expect him to. The Mutts must be full because they haven't eaten Hadrian, just clawed him to beyond recognition. If I didn't know better I wouldn't realize he's Hadrian, he's in such bad shape. After the incident with Ginny I don't dare to hope. I know Hadrian is going to die, and soon. He's pretty much just a bloody pulp by now and he croaks to me, "End it."

"What, no!" I feel so bad that he's dying his worst fear- Muttations. But I don't think I can bring myself to end it, even if it is out of sympathy. "No!"

He grasps both of my hands and pulls them close to his chest. "Oh Mags, you were like the little sister I never had." I realize I'm still holding my knife and before I can do anything about it, he pulls my hands down and the knife is buried in his chest. There's a cannon. I don't take the knife out. After what it did, I don't want it.

I have to find Gunther. It's just him and me. But wait- in the confu

sion, was there a cannon for Max? Might he still be... alive? At that very second he stumbles into the clearing, eyes half glazed over and sweat and blood mixing on his forehead.

"Max!" I scream more out of relief than anything else. "Max!"

"M-Mags?" he says drowsily like he just woke up from a long nights' sleep. But I know otherwise. He looks terrible, and he has to press both hands to his chest and stomach in a futile attempt to lessen the loss of blood. "I can't win now," he says more clearly, shaking his head miserably. "Can't win... If you do, then will you tell my father... tell him and my mother... tell them that I love them? And... And I love you too Mags..."

This makes me cry even harder. I really wish he would just stop it already. But he isn't done yet.

"Do you know... do you know why I never... why we were never... 'official'?"

I'm not clear minded enough to answer through my tears I thickly say, "No... but I wish we were..."

"No!" Max cries. "No... if we were... one or both of us is going to die," he says, and with theblood and sweat I think there might be tears running down Max's cheeks. "I couldn't... couldn't make you live with that for the rest of your life... you can do it, Mags..." He slumps forward, his eyes roll back in his head and the tears are still drying on his face, but I know he's gone. I unintentionally let out a sob full of emotion, not just for Max but for Hadrian and Tyler and Ginny and my father and everyone else who has ever had to be brutally and unfairly killed by the evil more commonly known as the Capitol.

More people who believed in me. More people who thought I could win. I cry for all of them knowing that there is no possible way I can win. In the middle of my misery I feel a sudden rush of anger and energy, and I pick up my knife. Sparks of pain jump in my injured wrist. Maybe I can do this. Maybe I can. And even if I can't then there is no way I won't go without trying. All I have to do is find Gunther and kill him. That's it. Then I win. I go home. I am the Victor.

With trembling steps I walk through the woods. There's a short break in the trees and I look up at the position of the moon. It's well past midnight, even on its way to dawn. The telltale light shining in the east isn't there yet but it will be, within the hour is my guess. I'm still on edge, looking into every bush, tree, and anywhere else in the dread that Gunther or one of the Mutts might be there. I remember Hadrian and Joey's deaths and I don't want to end like that. Hey, I don't want to 'end' at all, but I have to keep reminding myself, that I have to try.

I finally see the light of a new day. I can't remember exactly how many days I've been in this arena, but I think compared to some of the others I've had it pretty good. No freezing, overheating, starving, or dehydrating... although I'm so parched right now I think my throat might be dried up and shriveled right about now.

I'm scanning the undergrowth for any sign of Gunther or a Mutt when there is a rustling in front of me and when I look to see what it was, I see Gunther standing in front of me, weaponless. It appears that he has been crying too. Amidst all the dried blood and unknown other substances he looks just like a helpless little boy, almost like Luis. For the first time I realize that Gunther can't be any older than Luis. I think Gunther's younger than I am, and it gives me a nasty shock to think that I might have killed this boy. I planned on it. I counted on it.

"What have they done to me?" Gunther sobbed, but it was more like a gasp that sort of sounded like a sob. "I- I'm not like this!"

I'm dumbfounded. What could have made nasty threatening Gunther into devastated crying boy sick of the world? I have no idea what to say so I just listen. And he continues.

"It started on day two. When you lit Kaylan's hair on fire..." Kaylan. That must be the name of the girl from District 12. "I was mad... I didn't realize it was the Games twisting me beyond recognition until I killed your friend... what was his name..."

"Max?" I ask quietly.

"Oh, yes, him," Gunther says vaguely. "Now do it."

"E-Excuse me?" I honestly have no idea what he's talking about.

"You have a weapon... and I don't. There is no way I'll ever be able to win, no way I'll ever be able to live after what I've done... I did terrible things... you don't want to know."

Oh. This is what he means. I look down at the knife in my hand. I can't kill him. Yes, he threatened me with death. Yes, he killed Max. But I can't kill a little boy like him! Then I wouldn't be able to live with myself! I look back up at Gunther and say, "No."

"No?!" he shrieks. "What do you mean, NO!" He rushes at me and tries to pull the knife from my hand, but I lift it up out of his reach. He tries to tackle me, but I take off down the path running as fast as I can with an injured wrist. I'm running away from Gunther again, but this time for a totally different reason. He chases after me, crashing down bushes and branches like a madman, which I guess in a way he is, when I think back to the crazed light in his eyes.

He overtakes me, because he doesn't have a broken body part. We wrestle on the grass for a while, picking up twigs and leaves on our clothes to go along with the nice assortment of blood, dirt, and sweat already there. He grabs my hand, the one with the knife in it, and forces it to point to his heart.

"Do it," he says pleadingly. "Just do it. You know you were going to. You know you want to. You can go home. You can see your family again."

"So can you," I say, and I'm sure tears are starting to form in my eyes. They sting. "You were always the stronger one. You would make a better Victor than I would. I won't do it."

The pleading look disappears and now with a defeated expression he wrestles me for the knife again, but I won't give in. I have no idea what I'm doing, I do want to win right? My mission was to find Gunther and kill him. Well here he is and he's basically laying down in front of me. I could win. I could see Luis and Lilac and Mom and Frederick and I could have a life again.

What I do next, I hate myself for it for the rest of my life. I plunge the knife straight into his chest, right in the middle. Blood spurts up like a fountain, leaving more stains everywhere. Gunther Stark's last facial expression is one of peace, happiness almost. I start to cry again. I can't believe myself. I did it. I won. The cannon goes off and I sob uncontrollably some more. About a minute later I realize that something is off. Gunther died. I didn't. No one else is alive. Shouldn't I be taken away now? Will they leave me to rot here in the arena forever? Did I do everything I did for nothing? My shoulders shake as I lean over Gunther's body, which I also dimly register has not been taken away. I just want to get out of here._ Please get me out of here! That's all I want!_

Just when I'm beginning to lose hope, a calm voice echoes throughout the arena that is now empty, except for me.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Victor of the Eleventh Annual Hunger Games... Mags Oceanus."

Then I hear a deafening whirr above me and I look up to see the light of an incoming hovercraft, its hatch open invitingly. A ladder extends down toward me and I grasp it with all the strength I've got, firmly telling myself that I'll never let go.

It's bright inside the hovercraft, too bright. Hands that belong to someone I don't know lead me over to a bed. I lay down willingly. I'm tired, so tired. I see faces above my head, most of which I don't know, and they're all wearing masks. Except one. He has a worried expression like someone he loves is in danger. Who is he? I can't remember... there's a needle prick in my arm, and then I see no more...


	9. Chapter 9: Important Victorly Matters

**I now have time to update more frequently, so I've got another chapter here to make up for the three months or so I have been gone! CAN I GET A CHEER FOR SUMMER VACATION? Also I know I said this a LOOOOONNNGG time ago but I will have my new story up soon, probably before the next update for this one. And I mean it this time. I've been working on it in my minutes of spare time, so hopefully it will be worthy! And before anyone asks, NO, this chapter is not the end. There is more. **

It seems like only a couple minutes before I'm awake again, but instincts tell me that days have passed, maybe even weeks.

There's someone by my bed. I can sense that they are there but I have no idea who it is. Maybe Briar? Or Eustacia? It seems like forever since the last time I've heard her and Kai arguing. Oh wait... I remember the last time I heard them argue. It was when Kai had said he'd wanted me dead.

I smile with my eyes still closed at the fact that I'd survived. Kai will be so angry. If I have to live after losing Hadrian and Max, then at least I'll be thwarting Kai.

Then I see who it is at my bed... KAI. He has a tense, worried look on his face. When he sees me wake up, he jumps about fifty feet in the air.

"You're awake," he says in a neutral tone.

I haven't planned what I would say to Kai when I next saw him. Because I didn't think I ever would see him. I hadn't exactly wanted to. But he's the first one I see when I win. Oh irony.

"Yes, but you'd think I'd be the first one to notice, wouldn't you?" I ask in a cold, harsh voice. I recall the days in training when I had been excited to get Kai's approval and all too happy to get praise, and confused when he did all that weird stuff that he did.

Well, I see right through him now. I see it like it is. Kai wanted me dead.

"Wh-what's this about?" Kai asks. He looks almost _hurt._

I can't help it. I can't hold it in any longer. I let him have it with all I've got.

"YOU WANTED ME DEAD! OH YOU DON'T REMEMBER THAT HUH? WELL I DO! I REMEMBER IT LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY! NO IT WASN'T YESTERDAY, YESTERDAY THE TWO PEOPLE I LOVED MOST WERE KILLED! BUT YOU DON'T CARE, DO YOU! NO, I DIDN'T THINK SO! I HEARD YOU AND EUSTACIA TALKING, THE NIGHT BEFORE THE GAMES! YOU WERE SAYING YOU WANTED ME TO DIE IN THE HUNGER GAMES! IT'S THE WORST KILLING, YOU KNOW THAT, YOU EXPERIENCED IT! OH WAIT... YOU WERE THAT CRAZY MASS MURDERER KID WHO KILLED HIS WHOLE ALLIANCE IN ONE NIGHT!"

That must strike a chord with Kai, because he joins in the yelling. "MASS MURDERER KID?! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH IN THAT ARENA! YOU DON'T! YOU MIGHT THINK YOU DO, BECAUSE OOHHH YOU LOST YOUR PRECIOUS _MAXIMUS _BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I LOST PEOPLE TOO! I LOST MY FAMILY! I LOST ALL MY FRIENDS! I LOST-"

"YOU DIDN'T LOSE THE ONE YOU LOVE!" I yell, tears coming to my eyes. "AND I KNOW WHY YOU DIDN'T! BECAUSE... YOU DON'T HAVE SOMEONE! THAT'S RIGHT- NO ONE WOULD LOVE YOU, KAI SARO!"

"You're right," he mutters. "No one would love me," he's starting to cry too, which unnerves me and is satisfying at the same time. "And you're right in saying I haven't lost the one I love either. She hates my guts." He leaves the room.

She hates his guts? I can't say I'm surprised. Whoever she is, she's one unlucky girl.

Then a crew of doctors bustles in and one of them says brightly to me, "Are you feeling better now, Miss Oceanus?"

I think about that. I definitely don't feel good in the sense that Hadrian and Max are dead, and I killed Gunther, but I feel good about seeing my family again soon. I settle with, "I don't know."

This seems to deflate the doctor. "Oh... well... are you feeling up to doing a few things? I know you want to go home and see your family, but there are a few things to take care of first, like a little interview, and a party in honor of your winning, but that's it and then you can go."

The Games recap. I don't want to do that at all. _The sooner you can get it over with the sooner you can go home. _"Okay, sure. When is it?"

The doctor shrugs. "It depends on how long it takes for the Victor to be up and around. Let's say for you, tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow is fine," I say, but inside I feel sick. The Capitol is like a prison, I feel like the longer I stay here the more I'm tainted. "But can I go to my... room?" I don't know what really to call it.

"You're feeling well enough to get there on your own?"

"Yes I believe so."

The doctor smiles kindly. "Sometimes it's easier to heal when you're not in a hospital bed. You go right ahead but I'll send someone to check in on you tomorrow morning, all right?"

"That's fine," I agree. Okay, well I don't really agree but I'll say whatever it takes to get me out of here as soon as possible. Before the doctor can talk any more I walk right out of the room. Stupid of me, because I have no idea where I am or how to get back to my place from here. I don't want to go back and ask the doctor for help, but I also don't want to stand here like an idiot. So I take an elevator down to the main floor, where it opens up to an entrance area that's basically all windows. I look outside. It's overcast and starting to rain. I kind of like that, it reminds me of District 4's weather.

My gaze travels down to the main door where I see someone who could help me... but I don't think they would want to, and I don't really want help from them either. Kai Saro is just getting ready to leave and at the last minute, he turns around and sees me. His eyes widen and he stomps over to me, looking furious. I turn around to leave, maybe go back to my hospital room, but he grabs my arm at the last minute.

"What are you doing out here?" he asks, in a strained voice.

"I... I was going to go back to my room... wherever it is..."

"It's three blocks away! There is no way you would ever have been able to get there on your own! What are you _really _doing!"

"I'm not lying!" I protest, trying to shrug away from his grip, but with no luck. "The doctor asked me if I was feeling better, and I said yes, and he said I could go!"

Kai groans and mutters, "Incompetent doctors... well, you might as well go, so you're coming with me."

"You said it's only three blocks away. I can get there by myself."

"No, you can't," he says without a second's thought. "With a broken wrist? And there will be reporters everywhere, I mean _everywhere. _You're the hottest news in the Capitol right now and people would kill to get a glimpse of you. They'd trample you before you made it three feet!"

Oh, that's right. This isn't District 4, where I'm a nobody and I can walk wherever without anyone taking a second glance at me. This is the Capitol, where I'm famous and popular and amazing and well, everything I'm not. I _killed _someone! I killed Gunther Stark just so I could go home! Is that really amazing and popular?

"Won't they still trample me?" I ask.

"Hmm no, don't think so. You happen to be with the- as you claimed earlier- mass murderer kid who no one likes. Sure they'll stare, but they won't make a move on you."

Okay, I still am mad at him. But... I'd rather not be stalked by random Capitol people. Ever. So I follow him out the door, and sure enough, once I step out I'm being gawked at by anyone passing by at the moment. In a huge apartment building across the street I see people peeking out their windows. I wish they would stop looking at me. I know, they've been watching me for the past two weeks or so, but at least I couldn't _see _them.

It's definitely raining now, big drops coming down from the sky. Kai shrugs apologetically and says, "Sorry I didn't bring an umbrella. Didn't think I'd need it. I don't mind walking in the rain."

"Neither do I," I say, to not seem weak in front of him. Wait a minute, since when do I care about that? You know, since I don't like him anymore? In fact, I totally dislike him! _It's because he wanted you dead, _I tell myself. _You can't look weak in front of the guy who wanted to see you die. _With the crooked grin that comes next it almost reminds me of the training days...

"Living in District 4 that's probably for the best."

"Yeah... I don't like too much rain, of course, but some every once in a while makes it feel more like... more like home."

"District 4 doesn't ever feel like home to me," he mutters darkly, but then realizes what he's doing and changes the subject. "How's your wrist?"

"It's fine," I say, just noticing that it does hurt a lot less now and I can even (kind of) move it. "Doesn't hurt a bit."

"That may be the morphling," he cautions. "Don't be surprised if you wake up tomorrow to some killer stiffness."

"How would you know?" I ask. _Stupid question _I realize after I say it.

"Broken leg in the arena. Towards the end I fell out of a tree while watching for tributes and landed a little awkward... it was kind of embarrassing, actually. Didn't they show it on TV?"

I think back on that for a little while, and finally conclude, "No, I don't think so. But... I was only eleven years old, I wasn't even in the reaping yet. I didn't take the Games all that seriously... I just remember that I was kind of scared of you." _Great more stupidness. Why is it you always say the most stupid things around him?! Not like you care of course..._

I was right; that was the stupidest thing to say. He got all quiet and put on his killer stare for the rest of the walk back. Not like I care! I don't want to talk to him anyway, I have no idea why I did in the first place.

The moment I step into my old place from before the Games, Eustacia is on me asking questions about my health and if I was okay and how I liked being the newest Victor. I know Eustacia means well but her questions are an annoyance rather than a kindness. Thankfully Kai tells her to lay off for a while and I go to my room, taking great care not to look in Hadrian's door when I pass it.

Most of the day I spend sleeping, but in the evening Eustacia brings me some hot soup that I really like, and she seems genuinely sorry that she frustrated me earlier. "And your mentor?" she says before she goes, "He means well too, you know." Which surprises me. After all, she was the one talking to him when he said he wanted me to die in the Hunger Games.

"He doesn't," I say sadly. "I'm sorry, but it's true."

"Whatever would make you think that?" Eustacia asks and she seems seriously surprised.

"You know," I say angrily. So she's going to play this game too? "You were there when he said he wished I would die!" After that I lay down and face the wall so I don't have to look at her, and she stands there for a while. I can tell because she breathes rather loudly.

"He only cares too much," she finally says, and then she leaves. Once she's gone I sit up and look at the soup. I really am hungry. I haven't had a proper meal in forever. So I eat it and leave it on the bedside table, knowing it will be gone by morning. An Avox will have taken it.

I expect to have dreams about the Games, because I know Kai does, after what he told me the first night on the train, but I don't. I have equally disturbing dreams though, I'm going through a normal day except I live in the Capitol and wherever I go, no matter what I do, I feel like someone is watching me. It really freaks me out so I walk into a store selling high heels, and unusually, all the shoes are like the ones I wore for my interview. When I'm in the back checking out 'my' shoes I turn around to see the grim face of an Avox! I give a little shriek but I'm not sure if it was just in the dream, or for real.

Then I wake up before I can make out their face clearly. Well there goes that, I don't think I'll ever be able to sleep in a place inhabited by Avoxes ever again. There's a knock on my door and I tense up in fear, thinking it's an Avox. I glance over to my bedside table, but the soup bowl is already gone. I put on some slippers and walk soundlessly over to the door. I open it a tiny bit and there's nothing. I frown, thinking my mind is taking advantage of my fear, but then I notice something on the floor. I kneel down to see what it is.

It's a bottle. I pick it up and inspect it. No label. Someone must have dropped it or left it here for a reason, and I have no idea which of those it would be. I pop open the cap and a few pills spill out onto my palm. Then I realize what they are. They're the nausea pills.

I don't know what to think. Did Kai leave them here? That was nice of him, I guess, even though I don't need them right now. I think of Eustacia's words, _He only cares too much. _This is confusing. I stuff them into the pocket of my robe and go back to bed, and I'm asleep once my head hits the pillow.

In the morning, Eustacia says through my door, "Mags? You better get up because today is a big day!" I groan and make the mistake of looking right out the window, which I must have forgotten to close last night, because dazzling sunshine hits me. It's a lovely day in the Capitol to celebrate the new Victor. I'm so (not) excited.

I'm hungry again, because really, soup is not very filling, so I head over to the dining area. I'm sure I look terrible, but Briar will have me fixed up for tonight. I haven't seen Briar since before the Games, I wonder if she's doing okay.

Kai is already there, and he looks tired too. I feel the bottle in the pocket of my robe and I ask him, "Did you leave those nausea pills for me last night?"

He looks confused for a second, but then he smirks and says, "Umm... yeah, that was me. Sorry. You were... talking... and I thought you needed them..."

"Well I didn't, but I might," I reply. It's nice how I can talk to him now without being mad at him. I guess my own experience in the Games, with killing Gunther and everything, has made me less mad... at least for now. I think of some of the other Victors I've seen on TV and some of them can be downright scary, especially the one from District 7 who lost an eye and doesn't care to wear a patch. These are my peers now, I think to myself. This will be a strange life.

"Just... let me know if you need some more okay?"

"I can get them on my own, I'm rich now remember?" This makes him stop talking, but he doesn't look mad. Just thoughtful. I don't know.

"Yes, I suppose so," he replies. After we're both done eating I go out to the main room and switch on the TV. That's what I always did at home when I was bored or stressed. Most of the programs are Hunger Games recaps, many of mine but a few from other years. I definitely don't want to watch that, so I keep flipping through channels until I get to a show called Capitol One Gossip Station. I'm curious about what would be classified as "Capitol Gossip" so I stay on that. Soon I appear on the screen. A picture of me walking down the street in the rain with Kai yesterday. That picture zooms out to reveal thousands of other pictures of the exact same thing, and I'm starting to wonder what in the world is this when a bright, perky (and hot-pink skinned) announcer appears on the screen and chirps,

"Welcome everyone to the 11th Annual Hunger Games Capitol One Gossip Station Recap! As you see here we have our newest Victor, Mags Oceanus, with her former mentor Kai Saro. These photos were taken yesterday at around 2:30 in the afternoon. Our question is this: Are the Victor and her Mentor in love? Unfortunately no one in this ill-fated love triangle is available to speak to- and that's right, I said _triangle! _Because you all remember that in the arena a sweet romance bloomed between out Victor and her ally from District 1!"

I can't believe what I'm hearing. Love triangle? Me, Max, and Kai? I think I might need those nausea pills right now, this is so disgustingly ridiculous. If this is all the people in the Capitol have to gossip about...

"Don't we all wonder what poor Maximus Ellic would think that he has already been replaced? Or was he just a placeholder this whole time for our Victor's _true_ love?"

No. No. No. This cannot be happening. They cannot be showing this on public television. I can only hope that no one is watching this except old ladies who sit around drinking tea, petting their cats and talking to each other.

"Now we'll be talking to some citizens of our very own Capitol on who sails this latest ship!" Sails? Ship? What?

A teenager who can't be any older than I am says, "I always thought that Mags and Max were such a cute couple, I mean like they were just so close and they were like, real friends, not just boyfriend and girlfriend, I mean like, they were just so amazing! You know, I mean like, I wish Max hadn't died and everything, I mean like I cried when he died because I mean like it was just so sad! They could have gotten married, and had a big party in the Capitol in celebration with those cute little candies, what are they called? M&Ms? Get it because their names start with M? I mean like that would just be the cutest thing ever! I mean like..."

The girl prattles on and on, and all I can think is that she's annoying, she says 'I mean like' way too much, and 100% of what she says is most certainly not true. Kai walks in on me staring slack-jawed at the TV screen, and he looks at the TV for a second before switching it off.

"Don't worry about that," he says, and I'm almost too shocked to notice that he's blushing. "It's lame, they don't mean a thing by it, it's kind of a joke really. No one ever watches it."

I don't say anything.

"Umm..."

"I have to go tell them," I say, getting up.

"Tell... tell who? Tell who what?"

"I've got to set them straight! There is no existing love triangle with me in it! In fact there is no love at all with me, except with Hadrian and Max, and that was more sibling love than anything else... I have to go tell them."

"No, I don't think so." He holds me back and stops me from going out the door. "Remember what I said yesterday about reporters? They'll be out for blood! And even more dangerous than them are their rabid readers!"

I know when it's useless to argue, and this is one of those occasions. So I just nod and say, "I think I'll go to my room. Let me know when Briar is ready to get me ready for tonight." I collapse on my bed and I want nothing more than to fall asleep, but no such luck there. I just lay there awake until Kai tells me that Briar is waiting for me in the prep room, so I go down there without talking to anyone. It's hard not to stop someone; tell them that I have no love triangle, but I have to remember what Kai said. I don't like it, but he knows what he's talking about.

Briar works her usual magic, giving me a white strapless dress made of a light material. When I get out of the prep room I'm led backstage. I remember standing back here with Hadrian during interviews. I also remember yelling at Kai back here. I remember WAY too much for my own good.

Kai is already there when I get there, and he's dressed up too. I wonder why then I remember that there will be a party for me after the interview. Oh joy.

"Okay. Now you're a victor. And you're miserable, aren't you?" Kai asks.

"Umm..." I don't know how to answer that question. Truthfully, I am, but I think I might get arrested or killed or something if I say that. Luckily, I don't need to.

"That's okay, I know you are. You aren't a crazed killer. The most important thing to remember is that you are never off camera."

"What's that supposed to mean? I know I'll be on TV live in-"

"You have to watch what you do and what you say from now on. No ranting at the Capitol, nothing that might be considered rebellious, because believe me, they will know. Even if you're in District 4 in the safety of your big new house... there's a reason they give you those new houses, besides to make them seem generous. They're bugged. Every single room. In multiple places. My first year as a Victor I found all 567 of them in my house, but I didn't dare get rid of them."

Too Much Information. My brain is about to choke. The crowd is going wild, a sign I know to be my introduction.

"Just be careful, all right?" he asks.

I barely nod, dazed, as I come out onto the stage for the second time. Julius Flickerman is grinning widely, his suit dazzling in the stage lights. I find that I am having trouble with a little thing called _breathing._

"Glad to see you back, Mags!" Julius says promptly. "I'm sure you are too!"

"Yes, I'm very excited to be going home tomorrow," I say.

"You certainly have a great family Mags, they were interviewed once you made it into the final eight. It is very clear they care about you a lot."

"I know." Stupid thing to say, I know. I wonder what they did for Hadrian's family. Apparently they are a drunk, a party animal, and a negligent.

"We tried to interview your mentor too, but he was ahh... rather uncooperative." Julius smirked. "I'm sure you've seen that side of him."

"Yes, more often than not," I say quietly. Then I remember the TV show. "And another reason I'm glad I won is so District 4 can have a good mentor while Nathan Alanson is home with his kids."

Julius laughed. "Oh I'm sure! But you're here aren't you, so I guess he can't be that bad."

"You would be surprised."

Another laugh from Julius Flickerman. "Well... I think that's enough for the interview. I just have one more question. Tell me- what were you feeling after watching two of your closest friends die within twenty minutes of each other?"

And to think I was so close to escape thinking about that. This will be the part where it's hard not to say something treasonous. "Well... I was... devastated... but also... happy. Happy that... that they'll be going to a... a better place." I cringe inwardly. That was close. Julius smiles sympathetically, so I suppose it's good. "And... I was the saddest I've ever been. The last loved one who died was my father... and I don't even really remember that... so it was very well the saddest day of my life." _And also because I killed someone for the first and hopefully last time on that day. _But I think that might be borderline on rebellious. So I don't say it.

The rest of the night is kind of a blur. There's the recap of the Games, which I don't really watch. I sing songs in my head the whole time and try to drown out any other noise (like the video recording!) Then there's the party, where all I have to do is smile and nod when people say something to me. Towards the end I think I even ate something and managed to keep it down. Impressive, me.

The next morning I find myself being woken up by a tearful Eustacia. I get out of bed and right away she hugs me. It's slightly awkward. When she lets me go, she smiles through her tears and says, "Goodbye Mags... I won't be able to escort you back to District 4, some things I have to take care of, so I guess this is goodbye... I'll see you next year... you will be mentoring, won't you?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll definitely mentor," I say, partly to get her to stop crying. But I think I might anyway. If I could help the innocent kids about to be killed next year I probably would.

Then Kai appears at the door with a bag already over his shoulder. _Oh no, don't you hug me too, _I think desperately. Then I remember that I won't be saying goodbye to him. Because he's coming back to District 4 with me. "You ready to go?" he asks.

I look around at my messy room. "Uhh. Just give me a couple seconds."

"You can leave some stuff here. If you mentor you'll be in this room again. Just to bring new life to all the bad memories." He smiles grimly.

I throw some random stuff from all around the room into a bag, and as I'm about to leave I accidentally kick something. It's the bottle of nausea pills. I consider them for a while, then I decide that I might need them if I'll eventually get mad nightmares like every other Victor in the world. I throw them into my bag and follow Kai out of the room. We go to the train station that I remember from the first day in the Capitol. A crowd has gathered to see me off. Somehow, we get onto the train on time, and it leaves the station.

Now it's just Kai and me. I look over at him. "Do you mind if I sleep the whole time? I might kind of ignore you."

"That's fine," he mumbles. "Yeah, go right ahead... might have nightmares though." He's stroking his non-existent facial hair and staring into the distance. Then I realize it's NOT non-existent. Since when does Kai grow a beard? He does have a rather unkempt look to him, I notice, like he's lost sleep several nights in a row.

Like I promised, I go to an empty bedroom and dive right on to the bed. There I sleep soundly... for a while, at least.

Sometime during the night, I wake up. But I'm not on the train anymore. Yup, you guessed it, I'm in the stinking arena. There are Max and Hadrian, but Max isn't Max. He looks like Max but he doesn't act like Max. He acts like Kai. We're being attacked by Violetta again, but Violetta isn't Violetta. Violetta is another girl who I don't know, but somehow I do. Maybe I'd seen her on TV sometime. Hadrian kills her. Hadrian goes somewhere, I don't know where exactly, but it leaves me alone with Max/Kai. I go to sleep, and presumably, so does he.

Then I wake up with a start. Max/Kai is awake too, and he looks over at me with an evil glint in his eye, that doesn't match Max's countenance at all, or Kai's, for that matter. He lunges at me with a blood-stained knife. The same one that killed Hadrian. Behind Max/Kai is Hadrian lying face down on the ground. There's a wound on his back. Max/Kai killed him.

But I should concentrate on the present. I'm being attacked with a knife, and I'm weaponless. I have no hope left. I'm being stabbed. I don't know how my sub-conscious knows what it feels like to be stabbed, but.. it _hurts. _I shriek with pain, and Max/Kai speaks with the voice of Max and Kai at the same time. Confusing I know. But it's like Kai's voice is the melody and Max's voice is the harmony if that makes sense. "I _will_... kill.. you...," he grunts, then makes a stab at my neck. The last thing I see is Max/Kai, who has now turned fully into Kai. It's him who killed me, at least in dream-world.

I wake up for real, drenched in a cold sweat. I think back on my dream. Then I realize what it was, or at least partly was. I remember watching almost that exact same scenario four years ago at age eleven. I hated it. It scared me. Crazed boy fights girl with his alliance. Alliance falls asleep and crazed boy kills them all while they are sleeping... with the exception of, well, me.

Yes, I somehow put myself in the 7th Hunger Games on the night that Kai Saro killed his alliance. The thought of it makes me want to- oh no, it's the first night on the train all over again. This time I actually know where the bathroom is so I run there and dry heave a couple times. Then I fumble in my robe for the nausea pills. I pick up the bottle and it reminds me of Kai. He's the one who gave it to me after all. I drop the bottle and it skitters over to the shower and I retch over the toilet. Throw up a few times. A few more times. A few more times until I feel like I've thrown up everything I've ever eaten.

There's a knock on the door. I shakily get up and open it to see Kai with a worried expression on his face. "Are you all right?" My eyes widen and I shove past him before I can get sick again. I collapse on my bed and shake uncontrollably for a while until I finally go back to sleep again, and this time for good.

When I wake up I don't feel so well, but I don't think I'll be sick if I see Kai anymore. That's good since he's my next-door neighbor now. It's also good because he walks in at that exact moment.

"Feeling better?" he asks. "I sure hope so, you've been sleeping for a long time." He pulls up the shade on the window. The sun is almost to its peak. And there's _water._

"Are we... are we here?"

He smiles. "Almost. We're in 4, though. If you look closely you can see the great _Saro _at sea." District 4 has this thing where we build a majestic ship for every Victor we have. I smile faintly at the thought of an _Oceanus _sailing the high seas. Or maybe just fishing. Whatever works. I do see the _Saro _drifting lazily on the glassy water. It's a lovely day in District 4, the sky is clear and bright blue without a cloud to be seen in the sky. No wind. The sun sparkles on the water.

"District 4's summer glory," Kai says softly. "I know I said it doesn't feel like home anymore, but some days it sure can be beautiful out there."

"Yeah," I agree. He comes over to the window and stands next to me. It's kind of strange standing so close to him after my stupid dream last night. I realize that the pills might still be in the bathroom. As if he was reading my mind, he pulls the bottle out of his pocket and hands it over to me.

"Found this in the bathroom while shaving... thought you might want it. I know, sometimes it can be a little confusing getting sick over something that happened in your head. Took me ages to get used to it- or at least as used to it as it's possible to be."

_Yes, or there could also be your mentor in the room, and you think he might potentially be homicidal because of said dream, and so you run out of the room, who cares about pills! I'd save my own life! _I don't say that. It would definitely be the wrong move. I look over at him and he looks back at me.

"I can't believe I'm going back," I say.

"I couldn't either. It's going to be... different. Don't ask me to explain it, but it won't be the place you left."

"What did they do while I was gone?"

"Ah, no, it's not them that changed... it's you." I don't ask what that's supposed to mean, and he doesn't offer any other information. Finally I say,

"You know, you're a nice guy. You really could get out more, it wouldn't hurt anything. The reporters would love it too, you know." _And you say 'you know' too much, you know?_

He laughs again. I remember the first time I heard him laugh. The first night. On the train. When I was slightly crazed from sickness. I think he's remembering it too. And before I know what's happening, he's getting closer to me. _Uncomfortably _close. It's like the training days all over again. Then I think back to the TV show and what Kai said about his house having 567 bugs (that he's found!) and this train must be bugged too. If everyone saw this, me and him, the reporters in the Capitol would have a field day, and my life would be as good as over! Would he be mad at me if I pulled away? The thing is, I don't want to... All these thoughts race through my head in less time than it would take to blink, and my heart starts to race as well.

And then I'm saved by the roar of a crowd welcoming back their newest Victor. Kai jerks back to attention with a silent stormy glare staring ahead. I breathe an unsteady sigh. Of relief or disappointment I'm not sure, but I can't think about that right now. After so long... I'm home. I strain for a glimpse of anyone I know. Right at the edge of the platform are the giggling girls, Hadrian's fan club. More people I don't know fill up the rest of the place, but they sure know me. Shouts, waves, whistles welcoming me back to the place I call home.

Then I see them. On a small, makeshift stage built just for my homecoming stand Mom, Frederick, Luis, and Lilac all with the biggest smiles on their faces. When I see that I can't help but smile myself.

"Umm, Mags? Unless you'd like to stay on this train forever..." Kai is saying.

"Oh yeah." I grab my bag and almost run to the sliding door. Before I open it Kai reminds me one more time,

"Remember, you're being watched. Nowhere is safe."

I thrust open the door and smile a brilliant smile that for once I don't have to rehearse. Being with my family is enough to make me smile for the rest of my life! I run over to the stage and bound up to their level. I hug first Luis, then Lilac, then Mom, and finally Frederick. When I look back I see that I left Kai behind back at the train; wow I run fast.

"Told you you'd make it, didn't I?" Frederick says but there are tears glistening in his eyes. "It's good to have you back."

"And we get to move into a big house now!" Luis exclaims. _A big BUGGED house, _I think. But I swat Luis on the arm anyway.

"Don't take him seriously," Lilac tells me. "He was crying every night while you were gone." Now it's Luis's turn to hit Lilac.

"Where is your mentor?" Mom asks. "I have to thank him for bringing my daughter back to me."

"Uhh well..." I scan the station for Kai but I don't see him anywhere. "I don't know if that will work. He's not exactly... social... you know."

Mom doesn't ask any more questions, but I can tell she's not satisfied. I know there is no way I'll ever get Kai to talk to my mom! Even I'm not that crazy.

District 4 leads me to my new fancy (and bugged) house. I look around in admiration and awe at how _big _it is. About ten of my old house could fit in here! We don't even have time to move any furniture in before I find a couch that was already there and fall asleep on it. Settling in can wait, being the newest Victor calls for some more demanding events. Like sleeping.


	10. Chapter 10: Victory, Loss, Victory Again

**My 31st Hunger Games is going to be on here, today! Whoooo! Well. I decided to stuff the entire Victory Tour in one huge chapter, and I wrote this ages ago so don't kill me if it's kind of... meh. Also, I will be changing my pen name, to: Punny-Penname. TODAY. I don't think that one's taken because I did a search for it earlier, but if it is then, I'm sunk and I have to think of something different. But that name will be forever in my heart because it kind of popped into my head this morning and I really liked it! **

SIX MONTHS LATER

"Mags, can you believe it! It's been six whole months since you came back!" Lilac squeals, knocking me out of my stupor that I was in while searching for bugs. Whenever I have some spare time I search around the house in various places for the bugs that Kai told me about, but in my time here I have found a grand total of three. One in the master bedroom under the lampshade, one in the kitchen in the knife drawer, and one in the main room in the dome light. I sit up quickly and hit my head against a mahogany table. It hurts.

"Yeah, neither can- Hold on, six months? Exactly?"

"Yup!" Lilac nods vigorously.

"Great..." I'd forgotten it was that long. Sure I got the memo in the mail a couple weeks ago about how I would soon be going on my Victory Tour, but I kind of threw that away unopened. I push back the table against the wall and stand up, stretching. 'Great' is right... this means I'll be seeing all the families of dead kids, Gunther's being first, I realize with a wave of nausea. Oh, and seeing Kai, too, for longer than the usual couple seconds popping up here and there over the last six months. That's almost as scary. I still sometimes think about what might have happened if that train ride had been just a couple minutes longer, but I try not to dwell on it.

Sadly, my mind rarely obeys my commands.

As if on cue, my mom calls down to the basement, "Mags? There are people at the door and they say they want to see you." She sounds slightly concerned.

I run up to the entry hall, where Frederick and Nathan Alanson, who have now become pretty good friends, are with Mom letting in a group of brightly colored people. My prep team. I remember them. Hollandia, and... it's sad to say I don't know the names of the others.

"Oh, yeah, Mom, this is my prep team," I quickly explain.

"I'm Hollandia!" Hollandia says brightly.

"I'm Lilian!" another, who I guess must be Lilian, chirps.

"And I'm Shannon!" the third one finishes. I mentally thank them for doing the introductions themselves.

"Why are they here?" Mom asks, like she can't believe people with dyed skin have set foot in her house.

"Did I forget to mention, it's Victory Tour week?" I ask. I know Mom will not be impressed. She specifically told me to post the dates on the refrigerator weeks ago, but like I said, I kind of threw away the memo unopened.

Mom gives me the evil eye but she doesn't reprimand me while there are guests. Instead she goes to concerned mother tone. "There is a reason I told you to tell me, and it's so I could prepare! I'm going to have a hard time just letting my oldest daughter go out into the world so soon after I almost lost her!"

"Come on Mom, it's fine. Last time I was going to go fight to the death. This time my week will be one huge party."

"That's the spirit!" Nathan says, chortling.

"Are you coming?" I ask him, hoping that will maybe relieve the awkwardness. I haven't talked to Kai once since the day on the train, except rushed Hellos when I run into him in the street. Nathan on the other hand, I've gotten to know. I babysit his kids sometimes.

He shakes his head sadly. "No, I wasn't your mentor, so I'm not allowed to come. I don't need to anyway, I've already been to two, after all. My own, and Kai's. Although, that last one was not so pleasant, if I do say so myself. Not for him either."

"Why, what happened?" I ask, but I'm not sure if I want to know.

He smiles grimly. "Well... the districts that the kids in his alliance were from did some stinking huge street riots. So that was the year that the Victory Tour included nine districts instead of twelve."

"Oh..." Kai probably isn't looking forward to this trip. At least I didn't murder my alliance, so there will probably be no riots. But with my luck there might be.

"No time to waste!" Lilian reminds everyone, and without a seconds thought they whisk me away to the upstairs bathroom. When they're through with me, Briar comes in. I actually have been talking to her over the last six months. Now that I have a phone I sometimes call her. Every other week, average. Today I get a black coat with fur lining and black pants with boots. That's it. Briar does my hair milkmaid-style and gives me a little makeup, then we're done. To my great shock, when I step outside, there are thick fluffy snowflakes falling from the sky! It never snows in District 4, not even on Christmas, usually. It's odd to get below 30 degrees. I've always kind of liked snow, I wish we had a bit more of it. And now we do!

I'm too busy staring at it to notice that there's a car ready for me. The engine is stalling. There's Eustacia. She runs up to me (as much as it is possible to run with six-inch heels) and gives me a hug.

"How are you and Kai doing?" she asks right away.

"I'm doing fine. Kai... well, I don't know... I haven't really... talked to him... much..."

Eustacia laughs lightly, but strangely, she looks disappointed. "Well he should be coming soon, so I'll find out then!" Sure enough, from across the street, there comes Kai. He hasn't changed since the summer.

"How are you?" Eustacia asks.

"No worse than usual," he replies brusquely. "Can't stand all this snow, though."

"It's beautiful!" Eustacia exclaims. Then she gives Kai a pointed glare. He sighs.

"Okay, yeah, I know I was a coward and I did exactly what you asked me not to. I'll make up for it, I swear."

Eustacia just shakes her head. And I'm completely lost.

The driver of the car sticks his head out the window and barks at us, "We haven't got all day, you know! Or all the gas in the world, for that matter!"

We get the hint and pile in the car. I make sure that I'm sitting next to Eustacia. Just to make it un-awkward, of course. For once I'm glad of Eustacia's chattering, she talks non-stop the whole way to the train station. "...And since we're leaving so early in the morning, we'll be in District 12 just in time for your congratulations from the mayor!"

"That's great Eustacia!" I say, trying to sound upbeat. By all means, I should be. This is my party week. I'm going to be living it up in all 12 districts, and the Capitol. Why don't I feel like it?

Finally we get to the train and board it. This will practically be my home for the next twelve days. I purposely don't use the same room I did for my Hunger Games, just because I'm all paranoid about having bad dreams in that place. I still have bad dreams, even in my own house, but none as bad as that first night when I dreamed about Kai's Games. Still I brought the nausea pills anyway. No idea why. After I got back to District 4 and had no bad dreams the first night I put them in a dresser drawer and didn't touch them until it was time to pack for the Victory Tour.

I have no idea what to do until we get to District 12 (because I'm SO looking forward to THAT) but I'm saved when Briar comes in and asks me if I would like to see my dresses for the tour. I accept, of course, and she takes me to a car in the very back of the train that is kept slightly chilled. When I step in I start to shiver immediately. "It's like a meat locker in here," I say.

Briar just shrugs although she looks annoyed too. "No heating back here. In their eyes the dresses are not as important."

"Well to me they are," I say, even though that's not exactly true. But she's my friend, and I have to say that or else I'd be violating the friendship code or something. It pays off when Briar perks up at that, and shows me around the car. They are all beautiful, but to tell the truth, they all kind of blend together in my mind. I never wore dresses much, and when I did, they were pretty plain and nondescript... kind of like me.

As Briar is going on and on about the price of velvet, and how she got as much as she needed because she is the stylist of a Victor, an Avox comes in and motions for us to follow him. When I first see the Avox, I'll admit, a chill runs down my spine as I remember that creepy dream. I can't shake the feeling that I've seen this Avox before, though. For whatever reason, I'm sure if I could look at him in the eye without all the weird white makeup then I could recognize him. Sadly, he won't make eye contact and he's also wearing weird white makeup. In excess.

I thought the couple inches of snow in District 4 was a lot. In District 12 there's more snow than I've ever seen in my life. Piled thigh-high in some places. Eustacia escorts me over to the Justice Building, where I have to go stand up on stage while the mayor makes a speech congratulating me. He doesn't look happy to be here but he doesn't look mad at me either, unlike the people on the side of the stage. There are no people who appear to be parents, just five little kids and three older guys about twenty years old. They're the ones who would probably like to kill me if they could.

The time has come for me to give my part of the speech. I was drilled on this so hard by my mom and Frederick that I could say it in my sleep, but now that it's time to actually say it, I freeze up. I feel like my tongue has been glued to the roof of my mouth. I want to say something majestic about how I felt like a monster for ages, and I still do, about killing Gunther, but I can't. Because I'm too scared to step out of line in the fear that the Capitol will shove me back in. I glance over at the mayor for help. Seeming to understand, he presents me with a bouquet. Despite the cold, the heat is rushing to my cheeks. This may very well be my most embarrassing moment. Ever.

The guys snicker at my loss of words, and I head into the Justice Building to escape them. Eustacia told me I'm allowed to hang around in there until it's time for the dinner. The Justice Building of District 12 is somewhat disheveled and inside is drafty. The people I saw in the town square didn't look in to good shape either. I know District 12 is full of poor coal miners, but I had no idea it was this bad.

I hear footsteps behind me, and there's Kai. I guess as a mentor he felt some need to be responsible and make sure I didn't die of embarrassment back here.

"That went as well as I could have hoped for, I suppose," he says.

"You didn't think I could make a simple speech that I know front to back?" I ask.

"Well... for a moment there I thought you were going to... go _off script_." I know what he means. He thought I was going to make a big rebellious speech and get myself killed.

"No, I just... forgot."

"_Yeah_ you did."

"Thought about it though. I'd never be daring enough."

"I don't know about that." _Have you just met me? _I think. Well, I was daring enough to win the Hunger Games, but I'm starting to feel that last kill was more one of cowardice than bravery. "Got some... things to take care of," Kai mutters. Then he leaves. Right as he does the door opens again, and I don't know why, but I step behind the door. Maybe it was my shame. I don't want to be seen right now. I'm glad I did, because it's the three guys who I assume are family of Gunther, maybe his brothers or something.

"Where is she!" one of them barks. He appears to be the leader. He has long hair and could use a shave. He's got a generally ragged appearance like most people from District 12 and he's covered with soot, like he's been working in the coal mines for years and just came out. His voice is hoarse too.

"Dunno. I saw her go in here though, I'm sure," another one confirms. The third guy just looks around blankly. The first guy curses and kicks the wall in his anger.

"Come on then, we'll have to hit her at the party tonight." The other guys mumble agreement, and all three of them leave. When I'm sure they're gone I finally step out and let out a deep breath I didn't realize I'd been holding. I also realize that my legs, my hands, and well, everywhere else on my body is shaking like mad. I'm sure they were talking about me. What other "she" went in the Justice Building recently? What other "she" will be at the party tonight? And most importantly, what other "she" killed their little brother? Quickly I convince myself that I never heard a thing, and I sit down on a chair in the corner of the room and watch the snow fall.

When it begins to grow dark and a few flickering street lights switch on, Eustacia comes and tells me it's time for the dinner and that I need to behave myself because this is mandatory viewing for everyone in Panem. She reviews with Kai and me how to walk in right (she has to be a certain amount of steps before Kai, and he has to be a certain amount of steps before me).

The dinner is kind of boring, actually. District 12 food is rather plain, but still good. After everyone is done eating the tables are cleared away and the music starts to play. I can't help but look around for the three guys who want to kill me, but they're nowhere in sight. I can only hope that they decided it would be too boring to attack me. Or better yet, they got arrested.

The mayor and a few other people talk to me about how honored they are that I'm here, but I don't think any of them actually mean it. Eustacia stays by my side the whole time, at one point whispering in my ear, "I don't trust these District 12 people. Rather shabby looking aren't they?" Once the refreshments table is pulled out, though, she forgets about me and is only interested in the chocolate-covered strawberries.

Kai is sitting alone in the corner, looking grumpy as usual, and I'm still slightly nervous about Gunther's brothers, so I go over to him. If there's anyone who could take on those guys it would be him.

"You should get back to your party," he says when I get over there. "It's your night."

"So is tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that," I remind him.

"Eustacia looks like she's enjoying herself."

"When they brought out dessert, yeah. She wasn't at home with this district party."

"And are you?"

I should be. But I don't think I am. I might be if it weren't for the threat of me maybe possibly getting killed.

Now Eustacia is dancing with one of the District 12 people, a Peacekeeper I think. She looks oddly happy.

"Uhh... there weren't... drinks, were there?"

He laughs. "She can have some fun once in a while."

"So should you," I say. Was that stupid? Oh, yeah. But I guess I'm feeling daring tonight.

The opposite of what I expected he doesn't get mad. Instead a thoughtful expression crosses his face and he says, "You're right, I should." He stands up and does an awkward bow to me. "Let's dance." So we do.

Did I fall asleep at dinner and this is actually a dream and pretty soon this place will turn into the arena and I'll be killed in my mind once again?

But no such thing happens. I'm starting to relax and forget about Gunther's brothers. Then I remember in an odd flashback something that many people have said to me in the last six months. _You're being watched... You'll always be watched... _Again I think back to the TV show I saw after I won, and I can almost hear the perky reporter's voice in my head. _While on the Victory Tour our newest Victor was spotted dancing with, you-know-who!_

"Umm... I... I should go," I say quickly and run away. That made no sense, I know, but I had to get out of there! There is nowhere to escape to but outside, so I run for the nearest door and out into some kind of courtyard. I'm freezing, because it's December in District 12 and still snowing, but I hardly notice the shivers. There's the second time I was too scared. Am I just going to ruin ever moment I have with him? That's no way to live...

I hear voices and scuffling of feet behind some bushes, and with a start I realize that running out here was stupider than staying in there. Gunther's brothers didn't forget about me... they're right here, waiting for me to come out on my own! I start to run back to the door, but I trip on my dress and land sprawling on the stone path. When I look up three looming figures stand in front of me. I was right.

"So you're the girl that killed little Gunn," the leader hisses.

"Yeh, we never liked him much, but someone can't just kill our bro and get away with it," the second one adds. The third one, who's muscular but head full of sawdust, just cracks his knuckles threateningly. What to do, what to do... I survived the Hunger Games didn't I? I can take them! Hmm no, trying to fool myself doesn't work.

The leader pulls out a knife. "Oh this is what you killed him with isn't it? Well not this exact one of course... but one of its brothers." _They are creepy _= Understatement of the century. The knife is cold. I know this because the leader presses the blade flat against my neck. "It's flat now," he warns, "but any funny ideas you decide to try and you feel the _point._" He tenses his muscles.

"So what are you going to do now that you've got her?" the second guy asks. "We never really went over this part."

"Shut up, William," the leader snaps.

"Kill her!" the third guy says, smacking a fist against his palm. The first words I've heard him say.

"In time, Oswald, first we have to make her suffer."

Oswald and William now look perplexed and they stand back to let the leader do whatever he wants with me.

"Hey, let's start with your hair, it's nice and long isn't it?" the leader says sweetly, but he's not fooling anyone. I know I can't say anything, besides, I feel like if I stretch my vocal cords any than the knife will draw blood. "TALK!" he bellows.

"Umm, okay, yeah, nice and long," I stutter. Sure enough, I feel a trickle at the knife's edge. I'm bleeding.

"Not anymore." He smiles evilly and in one motion, takes the knife off my throat and whacks off at least nine inches of my light brown hair.

"Stop playing with her, Rusty, we want to see a kill," William groans. "Getting boring. Besides, if we torture her she might scream, and then guess what? We got the whole district on us! Plan busted!"

Rusty sneers at William. "Who's the leader 'round here? Oh yeah, me. And she knows well enough not to scream, don't you?" I nod helplessly. I wonder what they would do if I got sick. I think I might.

"I'm with William," Oswald says unexpectedly. "And I think _I _should be the one to kill her!"

"Whose idea was this?" Rusty snaps.

"Mine!" William exclaims. "Mine from the moment that Gunther died!"

"Yup. His," Oswald agrees. "But still think it should be me. Who did all the dirty work getting us in here?"

"Well that was you Oswald," William says, "But Rusty didn't do nothing! I say let's kill him too!"

"I love you bro!" Oswald grins and together they tackle Rusty. His own knife is used against him and Rusty manages a gurgling scream before they slit his throat.

"Well, you lasted this long," William says turning on me, now holding Rusty's knife. Blood is still dripping off it. "But now we're gonna get yo-OOUUHH!" William is face-planted into the stone path and I hear a pained shriek. William stands up shakily, tries to walk but can't do so in a straight line, then I look up at his face. He's holding the knife which has now impaled his eye.

A figure I can't fully make out is beating up Oswald, knocking him further back into the bushes until finally he's caught in a thorny bush and can't move. He's cursing as he tries to free himself, then he yells at the figure, "WHO ARE YOU?!"

"I think you've heard of me," he says, and I realize that _he _is Kai. He turns to me and says, "We're late for our train. Better get going."

**...**

Once I'm on the train I finally allow myself to believe that I got out of that. My mind still brings me back to the courtyard where I almost died. I still don't fully understand what happened. One moment Rusty was cutting off my hair, the next, Kai was there telling me it was time to go. Eustacia is in a panic when we get back, going on and on about how she never could have forgiven herself if I died and oh what a shame it was that I lost most of my hair.

"Uhh Eustacia, I think she should get to bed. Tomorrow afternoon she'll be going through the whole process all over again."

"You can't possibly think the Victory Tour will continue after... after _this!"_

"Yeah well, it will," Kai says. "We can't let anyone have any reason to think that something's wrong."

"But her hair!"

"She got it 'cut'. Girls do that. Guys to it too, Eustacia. It's perfectly normal."

"Oh-okay..." she sits down in a chair. "I fear I might pass out."

"That's nice. Get some sleep." He leads me to my room and shuts the door behind him. "What were you doing out there?" he demands.

"I was... getting some fresh air." There's no way I can tell him the real reason.

"In December, in District 12? ...No. What's the _real _reason."

I sigh. He's going to keep asking until he gets the truth, so I guess I better tell now. "I was thinking about how I'm always being watched."

"...And?"

"And... and we were dancing, and I remembered that TV show I saw, that day in the Capitol... and... and how they say... they..." He'll know what I'm talking about from here.

He looks confused for a coupled seconds, then he breaks out into a wide smile and starts to laugh. "That? Didn't I tell you no one pays attention to that?"

"But they do!"

"Okay, maybe they do. But is that really _you _they're talking about?"

"Umm yeah."

"No, it's really not. The Hunger Games, that wasn't really _your _life. That was their TV show. A part of you will always be a part of their TV show. It's the same for every tribute, every Victor... life in the Capitol is such a fake. It's a TV show."

I don't completely get that, I have one more question for him, though. "And that doesn't bother you?"

"Oh, it sometimes can get pretty annoying. So I don't like to give them a good show. But honestly, it's the Capitol. They wear wigs and dye their skin green. Who takes them seriously? It's not like President Burns spends his free time watching Capitol Gossip shows!" The thought of this makes me start to laugh. He's right, the President won't care about that. He'll only be watching for if I try to be a rebel or something.

And suddenly Kai kisses me. It's not like what you would see in the movies where it lasts at least ten seconds and there's romantic music in the background. But it's a lot better. It's the greatest first kiss a girl could ever wish for.

He gives me a _What did I just do?! _look, then he smirks and says, "Oh and I answered your question, finally. It was about time if I do say so myself."

"My what?"

"On interview night. I told you I'd tell you why I don't mentor every year. I don't like to give them a show. Staying in my house 24/7 isn't really what the Capitol would call high value entertainment, is it? And I suppose there's another reason I should consider... I mean, look at what happened here. The first tribute I mentor, I fall in love with!"

Okay. Wow. Too many words right now. The question that's still bothering me- what about the night before the Games, when he told Eustacia he didn't know if he'd rather I lived or died? But I think there have been enough questions for one night, and I'm still smiling like an idiot long after he leaves.

The rest of the tour is for the most part uneventful, speeches and dinners following each other one after another all blending into each other.

One night does stand out, though- District 5. Kai caught a nasty head cold a few districts back and was too sick to go to the dinner, so it was just Eustacia and me and District 5. Without Kai, Eustacia was greatly worried that it would be a District 12 all over again, so she stuck by my side the whole time, never taking her eyes off me.

It was getting a little weird having her there like a parrot on my shoulder, so finally to break the silence I asked, "So... I have a question... the night before my Games, while Hadrian and I were at a party with our allies, you were talking to him... about me. Care to explain?" Eustacia was well aware of Kai and me, and she approved wholeheartedly, so I kind of expect an answer.

"The night before... Oh," she smiled knowingly. "That was the first night he told me he cared about you more than mentor and tribute. But... how do you know about that?"

"I came back from the party early," I admitted. "He said he didn't know if he wanted me to survive or die!"

"Well... do you remember what he said that first day on the train, about how the one who lives will never be the same? He knew he really wanted you to come back but after going through his own arena, he knew... you never come back the same. There are old scars that never heal. I wouldn't know."

"I haven't changed," I said immediately, but as soon as I said it I knew it was a lie. Nightmares every night, still haunted after six months about killing Gunther, almost killed by his brothers!

Eustacia just smiled sadly. "Haven't you?"

**...**

Well now we've reached the Capitol, and once again I have to be interviewed by Julius Flickerman, for the third time.

"How is the tour going for you so far?" he asks.

_Well I almost got killed, BUT cute guy saves me. Hmm not the greatest answer? _"I just love the food in District 5! Nice and salty." _Weird comments._

"District 5? A little too much for my taste," he says grimacing. "Then you will love the party tonight, and all in your honor! How does that sound!"

"That sounds lovely," But I don't really want to go.

"Don't go yet, there's one last thing I have to ask you! I mean everyone in the Capitol is just _dying _to know... it seems that you and your former mentor have gotten very...close Care to explain?"

Oh that. Yeah. "Yes we have actually."

"Elaborate please?"

"Mmm no thanks. That is for you to find out... later." Face burning I almost run off stage and I go with Eustacia and Briar a short ride to the President's house, where the festivities are already starting.

"Ooh there will be food, all kinds of food, and all the important people there- many of your sponsors Mags- and even the President himself, although I must say he does scare me a little." Eustacia chatters the whole drive. Thankfully Briar is the one driving. When we get there I wonder where Kai got to. Without him around I still feel like Gunther's brothers might come after me at any second, even though I know that's stupid. Rusty is dead and I'm sure William isn't up for attacking his brother's killer any time soon. As for Oswald, well I don't think he has an independent thought in his head. _He's taking some more cough medicine, _I tell myself. And I walk in smiling and waving. Most people give me space, at least for now, which I like.

I don't know where to begin, so I go with a safe fall-back – the buffet table. There are soups of any kind you could ever imagine. I have never seen this much food in one place. Tables stretch all around the room.

Then a voice behind me says, "Nice party?" I jump slightly, but it's only Kai.

"Pretty nice. People leave me alone," I smile. "You know I like that."

"Yup," he says but I can tell something is wrong.

"What is it?"

"What's what?" He pretends not to know what I'm talking about. "Hey, there's a huge party here. People want to talk to you. It's boring watching you stand here talk to me."

"But what if I don't want to give them a show?" That brings a slight smile.

"You have to. Now get out there and party." I just stand in the middle of the room, clueless, but only for a few seconds before Briar comes to my side holding drinks.

"Thirsty?" she asks, holding one out. She's glancing around nervously, like Gunther's brothers really are here. This makes me kind of (oh who am I kidding, REALLY) worried. I take the drink, even though I'm really not thirsty.

The next thing I know, President Burns himself is walking down the grand staircase, he looks somehow older than I remember. The guy he's chosen as his successor when he dies, his last name is Snow I think, is by his side. I hope they're not here to talk to me, but of course my hopes are crushed. He catches my eye and makes a beeline for me.

"Exactly the girl I wanted to see!" President Burns says jovially. "I realize we were never introduced properly, I apologize for the forwardness, but I simply loved the way you won your Games. That last kill, and you were the weak girl no one expected to get past the second day- simply brilliant!"

If he loved it then I must have done something wrong. Snow, a young guy only a few years older than Kai, nods politely. "I enjoyed it also." Something about this guy is a little creepy. I don't know what it is but he kind of reminds me of a snake, oddly. "Are you excited to be mentoring?"

"Umm n-I mean yes, absolutely."

Snow laughs. Even his laugh is slightly disturbing. "Oh I know... I'm in on the arena planning. Before I went into politics I was considering being a Gamemaker. It is very intriguing job if I do say so myself."

"That's very... interesting." I honestly could not care less.

"I don't mean to bore you, I'm sorry," he says in a voice that is probably meant to be kind, but is still creepy. "I only wish that you and I will be very good... friends." A shiver runs up my spine for some reason. I'm probably taking this the wrong way, but still...

"Umm okay thanks," I say quickly. "But I think that's my escort telling me it's time to go."

"Do you dislike me that much? The night is still young," One more creepy smile, "but I will leave you now." Finally he goes!

A pale-faced Briar comes over to my side. "Let's go over here. I've found the greatest food, okay? I mean all of this is great, but-"

"Yeah let's go." I let her lead me over to a table, where we eat until we're stuffed. A voice from behind us asks,

"Would you like the rest of this?" It's a guy about Briar's age, from the Capitol but he doesn't go super makeup heavy, kind of like Briar. He hands me a silver platter of some kind of pastry, which I set down on the table.

"No thanks, we're both stuffed."

He picks up a glass filled with clear liquid. "Then might you want some of this?"

"No, thank you" Briar says quickly, glaring at him.

He laughs. "I don't drink it either. It's rather crude wouldn't you say? I mean the idea of throwing up so you can stuff yourself more..." This makes me look at the glass in a new way. Eww. "One of those things that makes me ashamed I live in the Capitol."

"There are more things for me," Briar mutters. Then she blushes and says to him, "I'm sorry. Manners."

"No actually, it's quite refreshing to meet a girl who _doesn't _care about manners! Speaking of manners I realize I haven't introduced myself. My name is Mizar."

"Briar, and of course you know Mags."

"Are you her stylist?" he asks. Without waiting for an answer he exclaims, "I really loved your work! Those shoes were really something! You're lucky to have someone like her designing your clothes," he tells me.

Briar is kind of embarrassed by the high praise (which she fully deserves). "Thank you, I hope to continue to please everyone."

"Oh, believe me, you will," I say, but Mizar doesn't respond. He barely notices I'm here, I think. He can't keep his eyes off Briar. I smile. Mizar seems like a nice guy.

Awkwardly fidgeting and pulling on his tie, he asks, "If you don't mind... then could I have this dance?"

Silence. I start to feel bad for Mizar then Briar says, "Well? Aren't you going to answer him?" I realize she thinks he was asking me. I start to correct her but he beats me to it.

"I uhh... wasn't asking her. I was asking you."

She looks kind of happy to hear this, and without any second thoughts she goes off with him. I don't mind all that much, they are a cute couple. The only thing is I am now alone, and Snow might still be here somewhere. Luckily, Eustacia notices my discomfort and comes over to me.

"Where has your mentor got to?" she asks, talking to herself more than me. "Oh he was trying to find you..."

"Me? Why?"

As if on cue, he appears right in front of us. With a grin that I saw for the first time on the train while I was slightly delirious from nausea, he asks, "So... I was wondering... would you like to dance?"

By the end of the dance all the creepiness I was getting from Snow was completely dissolved, although toward the end, I did spot him staring at me with the oddest expression on his face. But I was with Kai, so it was okay to ignore him. For a little while. Soon after it was time to leave, and with Kai and Eustacia I boarded the train to head back home for the final party in my own place. When I left I didn't know exactly where Briar was, but I think she was still with Mizar. Now time to forget the Games for another six months.

**Snow's a creep and he'll be back soon. Sorry guys, I hate him too :( Eustacia ships Mags and Kai. And I stink at writing fluff. Till next time.**


	11. Chapter 11: A New Beginning, Kind of

**I updated my other story and thought, hey might as well do this one too! Two days in a row! It's virtually unheard of. If the formatting gets a little weird towards the end (paragraphs indented) it's because fanfiction was being weird. Or maybe it's just the Doc Manager making things look weird. Either way, here's the beginning of Mags' mentoring journey! This is a noticeably shorter chapter, so sorry about that. They'll start getting longer again soon enough.  
**

**And I finally figured out how to add a cover picture! Yay! (I'm still new on here, guys.)**

On the first of June, two weeks before the reaping of the 12th Annual Hunger Games, I get a call from Eustacia regarding mentoring.

"If you don't want to this year, I can definitely see why, being your first year and all," She's right; the nightmares have been getting worse recently. "but would you like to?"

"Yes, I'll mentor. I did promise you last year, remember? I told you I would."

"Oh, dear, you know I would never hold you to that," she says quickly.

"I know. I'll do it anyway."

"Lovely! You'll be mentoring with Nathan this year." She hangs up. I frown at her last word, that I'll be mentoring with Nathan, so the next thing I do is call up Kai.

"Mags? …Why are you calling me? I live right across the street and it's June. Lovely day."

"I know... but I was too lazy to get up... Eustacia just called, she told me that you will not be mentoring this year? Why not? I've been telling you for a year, you are a great mentor, and"

"Hey hold on," he laughs. "We've got this all figured out okay? I'm mentoring next year and you can take a break if you want to and the year after that it'll be you and me and so on..."

I breathe a sigh of relief. "Okay. Good. I didn't want to go over that again."

"Hey, I was meaning to ask ages ago but I keep forgetting, how's Briar doing? And her new boyfriend you told me about?"

"Oh you mean Mizar... yeah they're doing great. They met during the Victory Tour. I was there. They're a really cute couple, if there's one thing I'm looking forward to about the next Games is that I'll get to see them."

"Okay well, Happy Hunger Games."

Almost as soon as he hangs up Frederick bursts in. He's excited about something, and I can't remember what. Then I recall what he told me he was going to do today. "What did she say?!" I demand.

"She said yes!" Frederick exclaims. "We've set the wedding for the week after you get back from mentoring!" Frederick had just come from asking his girlfriend Talia to marry him. He had been meaning to do it for the last year or so but when she told me one day that she was getting tired of waiting for him to propose, I took him aside and gave him a 'man up' speech. "And will you believe this, she told me she's been waiting for me to ask for _forever!_"

"Yeah, I know, Fred."

"Please make this Games go fast," he begs. "I don't know how long I can wait."

**...**

On the Summer Solstice we all gather in the town square for the reaping. Last year I was a scared fifteen-year-old silently begging not to be picked. This year I am a seasoned Victor sitting on stage. Okay, I'm not that great. Eustacia, ever trying to keep up with trends in the Capitol, has dyed her skin a different color since the Victory Tour, now choosing turquoise, still trying to remain with the colors of the sea for District 4. I'd never tell her this, but no one really appreciates it all that much.

The girl is a scared thirteen-year-old named Tillie Hilander and the boy is a guy I remember from school, he's my age and his name is Luke. He was one of Hadrian's friends. Thinking of Hadrian brings me back to last night's nightmare, involving a very graphic ripping apart of Hadrian by the saber-toothed Tiger mutts. Oh, and that Joey kid too, but I was a little distracted by Hadrian's death to notice him at all. I was drowning in blood when I woke up. I don't really care for my sub-conscious sometimes.

I head over to the Justice Building with Nathan, since Eustacia is driving Tillie and Luke, and when I get out of the car Kai is there. Nathan smiles and says, "Well I'll leave you two alone to say your goodbyes."

"How hard is mentoring?" I ask right away.

He thinks about this for a while, then says, "Do you want me to lie to you?"

"Never."

"It's hard. You can't help but get close to the kids, and when they die it hurts more than anything, even worse than it did in the arena, because you'll just have this sense of utter _failure._"

He killed his whole alliance, I remember. He never told me why but the look in his eye tells me I probably shouldn't ask now. "Well not for you. Your first year mentoring and I win."

He shakes his head sadly. "Just seeing them in pain... well you'll find out soon enough. Just tell me you won't get _too _close to that Luke kid. He's quite a good-looking fellow I notice..."

"No, I wouldn't!" I protest.

He laughs. "I'm kidding, I know you wouldn't." He kisses me and says, "At least I don't have to worry about you not coming back this time." Then he gets in his car and drives away. About this time, my tributes are coming out. Tillie is first to arrive, and Eustacia gets her in the car. Nathan comes up behind me.

"We can go now. Better get a head start on mentoring."

"I'll need help, you know," I remind him. "This is your tenth time mentoring and my first."

"Sadly it doesn't get any easier. I always picture those kids as my little girls..." he looks off into the distance. "I wonder if the Capitol would make them go into the Games. I can't think of anything I've done to make them mad but it would be just like them to do it. High quality entertainment I think they'd say."

It is then that I decide that I don't think I want to have kids.

We get to the train station before Eustacia, Luke, and Tillie, and we board it to walk right into a car decorated the same as it was when I first set foot in it a year ago. Same food too, I note, seeing the pastry that was the first I experienced Capitol food. I go to set my bag down in my room, and I walk in to find an Avox already there.

"Wh~!" I almost yell out in surprise but I manage to stop myself. This Avox is a grown man considerably older than me, I think. He looks at me with dark eyes that seem oddly familiar. He has a piercing gaze. Then he gives me a slight bow and exits the room. _Those Avoxes they sure are some weird ones, _I think as I set down my bag and go back to the dining car, where Nathan is already trying to find the Reaping Recap on TV.

Luke walks in with Eustacia on his heels. "Hey Mags," he says and sits down on the couch. "Fancy meeting you here. If I recall correctly, the last time I talked to you it was for that science project in seventh grade."

"I don't remember it," I say blankly.

"Oh, come on! Seventh grade the project where we had to catch a rat, clean it, and dissect it? And take pictures?"

Now I remember. "I seem to recall that you did most of the work on that project."

"That would be because I did." He picks up a small cookie. "This looks appetizing." He eats it in one bite, swallows, and says, "Not very filling, though."

"Where's Tillie?" I ask. As a mentor I suppose I have to take some sense of responsibility for my tributes.

"She got sick," Luke explains. "Eustacia took her to the lavatory before coming here."

"You seem nice and calm about this whole thing," Nathan says, more as an observation than anything else.

Luke just shrugs. "Well, it's either this, cry, freeze up, or get sick all over this nice couch. Unless you would prefer one of those...?"

Nathan nods. "I've never seen a non-Career tribute so confident. That's good but it can be used against you. Those big guys you see from 1 and 2, their fatal flaw is usually pride."

"And just when I was about to ask for advice! Thanks man," Luke says, taking a donut. "This is sure tasty. Nothing like it in 4. Your brother works at the bakery doesn't he?" He asks me.

"My cousin, actually," I correct him. "And yes, he does. He's getting married after I get back, in fact." I wish I could shove the words back. That was incredibly insensitive! Luke might not come back! I should have known that I wouldn't be a good mentor.

Nathan leans over and whispers to me, "You should find Tillie. You'll be mentoring her. I've got Luke." Slightly annoyed at Nathan for taking the clearly better tribute, but I shake off that thought as soon as I think it. It is my job to make Tillie as good, if not better, than Luke. Impossible? Maybe. But Kai made a Victor out of me. So I try and get over myself as I walk to the bathroom to encounter a sick, scared thirteen-year-old girl. When I walk in, she's sitting on the floor leaning over the toilet seat, shaking all over. I instantly feel bad for her.

"Hey," I say, crossing the floor. The stench is terrible in here, but I try to breathe through my mouth. "It's okay. I'm Mags. I'll be your mentor."

"G-Good luck," she says faintly.

"What's that got to mean?"

"I have no chance," she whispers.

I look at her. She looks back with wide sky-blue eyes. Tillie is small with wispy blond hair and the palest skin I've seen of anyone not from the Capitol. She might be right. But I can't let her think that. Kai tried the you're-no-good approach with Hadrian and me, but I think if I tried that with Tillie I'd probably make her burst out into tears. "Yes you do," I tell her. "I remember how I was my first day on the train. And here I am now."

"I don't want to watch the reaping," she whispers. "I don't want to."

"That's fine. You don't have to. You'll have a whole week to get to know them."

"They won't want me as an ally. Not once they know..."

"Know what, Tillie?" I ask gently.

"Can I sleep?" she asks abruptly.

Taken aback, I reply, "Yeah sure, any one of the bedrooms you like. And don't get freaked out by the Avoxes."

She nods but she's staring into space like she didn't really hear me. So I just quietly get up and leave. Seconds later I hear her go into one of the bedrooms, shut and lock the door.

When I rejoin the others, Eustacia asks, "How is little Tillie doing?"

"She just needs time," I tell them, hoping it's true.

**...**

The next day we arrive at the Capitol. Tillie hasn't come out of her room since the night before, and I heard sniffling sounds coming from her room in the middle of the night, probably when she thought no one else would be able to hear.

"Is our stylist cool?" Luke asks me, eating toast with jelly. It seems like that boy never stops eating.

"Briar was mine last year," I say. "She's amazing. Some of the best clothes I've ever seen have come from her."

"Where is Tillie?" Eustacia asks frantically. "We will run behind schedule if she refuses to come out of her room! I have all but begged her to get out here, but-"

I stand up, feeling more than slightly frustrated at my tribute, and I march over to her bedroom, knock on the door a couple times, and bark, "Tillie! It's time to get out of there!"

"I don't want to," comes the muffled reply.

"You have to!" I exclaim. "If you don't get out here right now I'll bust the door and you know I can!" I think this will have no effect and that I really will have to bust the door, but then I hear the lock click and Tillie steps out, purple bags under her eyes and tear streaks down her face. She looks terrible. Her pale skin makes it stand out even more. I do feel kind of bad for being so harsh with her now, but if it's what I've got to do, then I'll do it, I guess. And the girl could honestly use a bit of toughening up.

**...**

The tribute parade goes as well as can be expected. Briar really does an amazing job, and for the first time I can sit back and marvel at how amazing it is instead of it being on me. Of course, Tillie is sullen and crosses her arms the entire time. She's so glum that not even Briar's work can fool the crowd into making her look radiant. It looks even worse next to Luke, who's really enjoying his time in the spotlight.

When Nathan and I congratulate Luke and Tillie (but in all honesty, mostly Luke) after the opening ceremonies are over, he says, "You know, Mags, you told me that my stylist would be someone named Briar, but instead it was this really cool guy called Mizar."

Briar comes around the corner at that moment with Mizar tailing behind her, yes, the same Mizar from the Victory Tour, the same Mizar who Briar seems to have taken an interest to.

"So you became a stylist?" I ask him.

He grinned. "It's kind of something I've always wanted to do. Now that I know Briar, she got me introduced to someone who landed me my first big job, and now look at me - I'm a Hunger Games stylist!"

I smile at Briar. "Looks like you're doing well," I whisper when I brush past her. She doesn't reply, but I think she's thinking the same thing. Briar and Mizar really are great together; I don't know Mizar particularly well, but that one time I met him he seemed like a pretty decent guy.

Speaking of couples brings me back to thoughts of home. I feel kind of bad for hoping that this is a fast Games, so I can get home for Frederick's wedding.

Back at the hotel, I, of course, go straight to my old room from last year and kick off my uncomfortable shoes. I miss having Briar make all my clothes. I turn on the lamp on the bedside table and pull back the covers, and a piece of paper flutters down to the floor. I lean down to pick it up, wondering if it was something I'd maybe left last year.

The paper was folded up, so I unfolded it to see a single sentence scrawled across it in untidy handwriting, but that sentence made my heart stop and freeze literally ever muscle, bone, and nerve in my body.

It read:

_What if I told you that you could see your father again? _

I think I must have screamed, because Nathan, Luke, and Eustacia come rushing into the room, and Tillie lurks somewhere by the door.

"Is something wrong?" Eustacia asks. "Have you found a mouse in the sheets? If I haven't told the landlords that this place is infested once, I've told them a million times..."

Nathan notices me holding the note, and he takes it from me and scans it. He frowns and looks up. "Mags, do you know who did this?" I numbly shake my head. "This isn't funny. Your father was killed during the Dark Days, wasn't he?"

I nod again. I think I want to cry, but I also don't think I can. Like the rest of me, my tear ducts seem to have frozen up.

"Do you have any idea at all who might have done this to you?"

"No, I don't, Nathan!" I say finally. "If I did, I'd tell you."

"If you ever find anything that might lead to the identity of this punk, you tell me, and believe me, I'll have him arrested," Nathan growled. "You know, my brothers, both of them, died in that war, too? They think it's a laughing matter, I'll tell all of you, it's not."

"Maybe we should give her some space," Eustacia suggests, and I agree.

That night, I fall into a strange, dreamless sleep, but instead of feeling relaxing, it only makes me feel lost.


	12. Chapter 12: The Night of No Sleep

**Hey guys! This gets kind of depressing at the end, but I've had it in the plans for so long and I was really happy to finally write it! This is what I like to call a "word vomit" chapter - meaning I was sitting at my computer, staring at the cursor, brain-dead, then my muse attacked me and I typed insanely for two hours straight. **

In the morning, I must use manipulation techniques to get Tillie out of her room. She reminds me multiple times that she has no chance, and I tell her that for a while, I felt the same. It wasn't until Hadrian and Max were dying that I realized I actually had a chance of going home. She just tells me that I don't understand and I never will.

After Luke finishes his extensive breakfast, he and Tillie go down to the training center, and Nathan and I go to the Sponsors' Square. He easily gets a few people to give some money towards Luke, but as expected, Tillie is a lost cause.

Then I run into someone I had wished with all my heart that I would never see again: Snow. That same creepy snakelike grin he had at the Victory Tour is present again today.

"Fancy meeting you here!" he says, as if he's surprised.

"Well, seeing as I'm a mentor, yes, it's to be expected, wouldn't you say?" It kind of slips out, because I really, really want to get away from him.

"Have I offended you?" he asks, sounding hurt.

"Um, no, not at all!" I say quickly. Then an opportunity practically knocks at my door. "I'm just frustrated... because no one will sponsor my tribute, Tillie."

Snow raises an eyebrow and says slowly, "Every tribute needs a sponsor."

"I would agree." I'm afraid I made it way too obvious that I'm hoping he'll give me some money for my tribute.

"I like you," Snow says. I'm regretting everything now. What a creep. "As I said at the Tour, I think you and I could be very good friends." He hesitates for a moment. "Where is your clipboard?"

I take it out, feeling embarrassed at the lack of signatures on the sponsor sheet, and give it to him. He signs it with a flourish and gives it back.

"I hope I won't regret this." _Believe me, Snow, I feel exactly the same way. _

**...**

The next night, I have a sponsor dinner with Snow. Nathan comes to it with me. I tell him it's fine, I'll survive, and surely he'll have sponsor dinners of his own to attend for Luke. He makes the case that I don't know the process well and I need someone more experienced to help close the deal. I give in, as I knew from the start I would. An hour alone with Snow is not something I need... ever.

The dinner itself goes without incident. Nathan does most of the talking, which I don't think Snow takes to very well, as he keeps eyeing me with a look that I translate to, _this is your tribute, not his - what are you playing at? _Before we leave, I make sure to thank Nathan for helping me understand how the sponsor dinners work and the right things to say, hoping Snow will take that as an answer to his unspoken question.

Luke finds an alliance on the third day. He seems pretty psyched about it, too. From what he says, he was going through the obstacle course and when he got through, the pair from District 7 came up to him and were so impressed by him that they asked him into their alliance.

However, I was told later by Tillie that what had really happened was he fell off the high net and the girl thought he killed himself, so she ran over, closely followed by her partner, to make sure he was okay, during which time he managed to make his way into their alliance.

I ask her if she's found an alliance, and she says that no one would want her, and two hours into the Games they'd turn on her or leave her to die.

I'm too exasperated to press her any more, and let her go to her room and wallow in her loneliness, or whatever it is she does.

Luke tells me that Tillie doesn't even do anything in training, she just stands in the corner around the plants station and nervously shrinks back when she sees anyone with a weapon run by her. _So she's scared of sharp objects_, I think. _Isn't that just wonderful._ It does nothing except make the slowly building feeling of failure grow inside me.

The rest of the week passes without event aside from the usual. I gain a couple more sponsors for Tillie, but they're really dodgy people, and I can't help feeling like they were sent by Snow, even though that's more than a little unrealistic.

There are also no more notes about my father. I'm starting to accept the fact that that was a one time gig and someone just wanted a laugh. Well, they got it, because I was scared half to death, and Nathan was so mad I was just waiting for the steam to start pouring out of his ears. To their credit, it must have been very funny to an outsider.

On the day of the individual assessments, I ask Tillie what she's planning to do. She replies with "nothing."

Remembering my own training score, I tell her straight off that's not a good idea.

"Why not?" she asks. "You did it last year, and you won." I don't know if this is good or bad, because at least Tillie is now showing signs of actually wanting to survive, as opposed to earlier in the week when she was plain apathetic.

"Well, yes, that's true." I'm trying to think of a way to convince her that this is not the way to go. "But I got a one! That's the worst score in history!"

"Wanna bet I'll get a zero?" she mumbles.

In the end, I convince her to just show them some things she knows about plants. Boring? Yes. But better than having a repeat of what happened to me last year. Whether or not she'll actually follow my advice is anyone's guess.

Tillie ends up scoring a two. Surprisingly, a lot of tributes from the outlying districts score zeros. A chortling Julius Flickerman explains why. Apparently a lot of mentors had been telling their tributes to do nothing, like I did last year. (And, technically, no one was even supposed to know about it, but I kind of let it slip during my interview. Afterwards, Kai flipped out about it.) I don't know why they thought that would be a good plan. Did they think it would change because I won? Well, they were wrong.

"Hey, you're not the record holder for worst training score in history anymore," Luke says, laying on a couch and eating ice cream, which he has recently become addicted to. He's been begging Nathan to give him some ice cream during the Games. Nathan always replies the same way - "Maybe, if you have enough sponsor money" - but Luke, who just scored a nine in training, should have no problem in that area.

Nine was the same score Hadrian got, I remember suddenly. It really is uncanny how much the two boys are alike, although I think Luke is just a little more carefree, which is probably the reason why he wasn't invited into the Career alliance. Nathan told him after the first day of training that that was good, that the Careers weren't worth it anyway.

To which he had replied that I was in the Career alliance, and they'd been a pretty good bunch. Well, he had a point. Sure, Violetta was awful, but we hadn't been killing each other off in the night. To Nathan's credit, the tributes from 1 and 2 this year are all older than I am and at least twice my size. I think they may be bigger even than Tyler, and they don't look like a group to tangle with.

The next day, when Tillie and I go over her interview, I'm getting a serious sense of Deja Vu, because it's going exactly like mine did a year ago. She can't pull off any of the angles I throw at her, so I give her the same advice Kai gave me: "Just answer the questions and try not to have a breakdown."

Luke is a hit. He doesn't act weak, like many non-Career tributes, but he's a great deal wittier than the muscleheads from One and Two.

As for Tillie, she doesn't have a breakdown, but she seems like she's on the brink the entire time. The bright stage lights make her look even paler than she is in real life, if that's possible.

I feel the familiar prick of irritation at the fact that she isn't even trying, that she's making me look like a rubbish mentor, that my first tribute was a complete fiasco. And, as always, the accompanying prick of guilt that reminds me that I should be worrying about keeping her alive rather than worrying about my ego.

_Forget it, _I thought. _Just forget about it. _I decided to go to bed and deal with the whole thing again tomorrow.

**...**

Snow is chasing me. We're running down the streets of the Capitol, and I'm going through places I've never even been before. How I know where I'm going, I'm not sure, but I seem to have a purpose to what I'm doing. The intent of it pounds through me, keeping me dashing through forgotten alleyways and shifty-looking shops. Then I find a brick wall covered in ivy, and I tear away at some of the vines to find a door.

The door is locked. I can feel that this is the place where I have been running to, and it frustrates me that I cannot reach my final destination. I pull on the doorknob, and Snow comes around the corner with a massive sword. He bares his teeth and I notice that he has fangs. Right before he's on me, the door opens, and Snow explodes into a thousand roses, and a hand reaches out and pulls me through the door. Though this is where I wanted to be, now that I'm here I feel only danger.

The person that pulled me through the door is my father.

But he isn't my father. He has fangs like Snow did, and just before he lunges, I wake up.

I realize that I'm soaked in sweat, which is really gross, but I don't care so much at the moment. That dream wasn't particularly worse than any of my other dreams I've had since winning the Games, but for some reason this one just really shook me up. But, honestly, if you have a dream about your long-dead father who has fangs, I think you have some right to be a bit frazzled.

What I need is some hot chocolate. When I was a little kid that was always my comfort drink. I think we have some in the kitchen, so I go there. The light in the main room is still on, so either Luke or Nathan must still be awake.

It takes a few minutes of digging through cupboards (the kitchen has cupboards on every inch of its wall space, seriously, we don't need that much food) to find the hot chocolate mix, which is in a pale blue jar. I open the lid to see a piece of card stock laying on top of the chocolate powder. Naturally, I take it out, and I'm about to set it off to the side when I notice a line of writing on the other side. It strikes me as familiar, and I hate to say that I know why.

Three short sentences are written on it.

_Three years old, ice skating on the lake. Your father is alive. He remembers._

I drop the jar, and it shatters on the tiled floor. I actually do remember that day. It was the middle of the winter, and one of the rare times when my father was home. I had recently become obsessed with ice skating on the huge lake behind my house, and when he came home as a surprise the first thing I did was drag him out there to show him my new "skill."

I wasn't very good, stumbling and tripping all over the place, but I couldn't have been prouder, with my father watching and applauding if I managed to glide a few feet without falling. Then Luis had called him over to look at something he found over the hill, and he went, leaving my by myself on the huge lake. My over-inflated toddler ego wanted to impress my dad when he came back, so I tried to think of something I thought would be really cool.

Then my eye fell on the far side of the lake, that I'd never tried to go to before. Well, I had, but I'd always been stopped by my mother before I could get close. I decided that that would be a great impressive thing to do, and I began to painstakingly make my way over.

Just as my dad was coming back over the hill with Luis in tow, I felt an odd crackling beneath my feet. What I didn't know at the time was that there was a very good reason I never went over to the far side of the lake. I proceeded a few more feet, and then the thin ice gave in and I fell through. I don't remember exactly what it felt like to be rudely doused in freezing water. I don't think I really felt anything. My mother said later it was because I was in shock, which makes a good amount of sense. I think somewhere in my three-year-old mind I thought _all_ the water in the lake froze during the winter, and not just the surface.

I don't even really remember being pulled out by my father, just that I was slowly sinking into nothingness and then I was back in the light and I could breathe again. The whole incident happened relatively fast. I was only in the water for a few seconds, but I still was coughing up water and was numb all over.

Even though I wasn't really near death, I sure felt like it, and my father was pretty rattled about it too. He brought Luis and me back to the house, where I changed in to non-soaked clothes, sat wrapped in a blanket by the fireplace, and drank hot chocolate. I think that was the day I established it as my comfort drink, because although I'd just almost drowned I'd never felt more comfortable in my life.

I don't even want to read through the note again. There's no such thing as a psychic, right? You can't read someone's mind; that's ridiculous. But how would this prankster know about the lake, unless they were telling the truth, and my father is really alive? And what if I can see him again? I'm torn between wanting to believe it, because I haven't seen him since I was three, and not wanting to believe it, because if it does turn out to be an elaborate joke, I'll be crushed.

One thing I know for sure is I'm not going to be telling Nathan about this new note. He'll undoubtedly get mad again and this time he'll insist on reporting it. But I don't want it reported, just yet. I want to see if they'll try to do it again. In spite of myself, I really want to know more. I want to believe it's all true.

Nathan comes in, and I shove the card stock under a bowl that's been left laying out.

"I heard something break in here," he said. Then he noticed the cocoa powder at my feet. I hadn't even realized I'd got the stuff all over my shoes, I'd been too distracted.

"Uh, yeah, I just dropped this. Sorry. Nothing wrong. Just clumsy me." I grin nervously and crouch to start sweeping it up with my hands.

"Need any help with that?" he asks. I guess he has a reason to be suspicious, this is pretty clumsy even for me.

"No, I'm fine, I just had a bad dream." When he doesn't respond, I continue. "Seriously, it's all good here."

"Okay then. I'm going to bed." He leaves, and I finish cleaning up the powder. I start to gather the pieces of the jar, when I notice an Avox in the room, who motions that he will finish the cleaning. It's that weird Avox too, the one who I always feel like I know but can never explain why. I leave him to finish the job, instead making myself a cup of tea. I'm not much of a tea person, but seeing as I just effectively spilled the hot chocolate all over the kitchen floor, it's the next best thing.

The whole place is dark, and I don't really feel like going to bed, so I settle down on a couch with my tea. After an hour or two, I feel myself beginning to finally drift off when a loud wail breaks the silence, jerking me out of my half-sleep.

I guess I'm just destined to not get any sleep tonight.

I get up too fast, spilling the rest of my now cold tea on the floor, and dash into the hallway, where I literally run into Nathan and Luke. Both of them look like they've also been rudely awakened.

"It's coming from in there," Luke whispers, pointing at Tillie's closed door. My heart sinks when he says it. Of course it is. Now I have to take care of her crying in the night? I look to the two guys, silently asking for help.

"It's your tribute," Nathan says, shrugging. "Go back to bed, Luke." He does so. "You know, Mags, there's a reason you're mentoring Tillie and I'm not. I knew right from the reaping she'd be difficult, and if you can handle her now, just think of what you'll be able to handle later."

I hate to know that he's right. He goes back to his own room, and I'm left to slowly turn the doorknob and open the door, walking into Tillie's room. I realize I've never been in here since it was occupied by Tillie, and she's made a real mess of it. From the looks of things, even the Avoxes are scared to clean in here.

Tillie is thrashing around on her bed, and she appears to be asleep. I suppose she's having a bad dream, probably about going into the Games tomorrow. Today, really, I think as I look at the digital clock on the nightstand that reads 3:15 A.M. I wonder if I should wake her up, and decide that yes, I probably should. So I kind of nudge her a little, not sure of how exactly to go about this.

She shoots straight up, wide-eyed, takes one look at me, and breaks down, sobbing profusely. I sit down on the bed next to her and try to comfort her, but I don't know what to say. Is there really anything I can say to a girl who might die today?

"I'm... I'm sorry," she sobs, rubbing her eyes and looking up at me pitifully. "F-for not really t-trying. I can... I can see it every time you look at me.. like I'm... like I'm a d-disappointment."

"No, it's really... uh, not a problem," I reply, very aware that I do think it's a problem. "I'm sure you, uhm, have your reasons?"

That just makes her cry harder. "I have no chance," she says again. She's been telling me this all week, but now for the first time I feel really sorry for her. She's even worse off than I was, I think. I know I wasn't crying in the night. Although, I think I may have felt like it when I walked in on Eustacia and Kai that last night before my Games. "Do... d-do you know why I d-don't?"

"No." I really don't, and I'm not going to pretend that I do.

She says her next words like she had to force them out. "I... I have h-hemophilia." She acts like those words are a bombshell, but they don't really have an effect on me. _Hemophilia. _I feel like I should know what that means, but I don't. The word sounds ominous, for sure.

"Okay..." I'm searching for words. "What.. what does that do?"

Now that she's said what she's been holding back all week, the words burst forth like a dam just broke. "It's a disorder, and it can be life threatening, and that's just if you have a _normal _life. It's usually hereditary, and I inherited it from my dad. When you have hemophilia, your blood can't clot properly, which pretty much means that once I start bleeding I can't stop. It's fine with tiny cuts and things, but with anything more I'll probably bleed to death." After she blurts all of this she starts sobbing again.

And now everything makes sense. Her catch phrase, I have no chance, is a whole lot realer than I thought. If she even got a shallow slice by a sword there's no way she'd be able to stop the blood from coming out, because it can't clot. I feel like my heart has dropped to somewhere around the area of my small intestine.

I feel like such a monster for even thinking everything that I did earlier, even after her interview tonight. The prick of irritation is miles away now. All this time she was hiding the simple fact that she's got a life threatening disorder that might kill her before she even has a chance to get out. No one goes without at least minor injuries in the Hunger Games. The only thing I can think is that I should have tried harder, I should have cared more, I should have, I should have... all the things I should have done are coming back to bite me in the backside now.

Now all I can do is to be there for her on what very well may be the last night of her life.


	13. Chapter 13: I Am Drake Feuilly

**I have such a love hate relationship with this chapter... I rewrote the first part who knows how many times, and I still hate it, but then I went on a writing rampage and finished the rest of it. To be honest, it took a turn of its own that I never intended it to, and now I'm really getting into the turn it took, but the direction it was originally supposed to take is also an important plot line, so now I feel like I have to cram too many plots into the next few chapters! Speaking of the next few chapters, this story is going to be taking a rather serious tone, at least for a while. AND I CAN'T WAIT! The whole revolution aspect will be rearing its ugly head and... I'm spoiling too much :(**

**Also, one more thing I should probably say before I get to the chapter... I DON'T SUPPORT SUICIDE! It's never the way to go. But it's a plot point, and it worked, and... well... maybe you should just read. **

* * *

When the sun starts to come over the horizon, I suddenly feel extremely tired. I stayed up practically all night before the first day of the Hunger Games, what a really _bad _idea.

Then, of course, I remember Tillie and realize that it was worth it. If that was the only way I could make up for, everything really, then I had to do it.

I go into the main room again and notice my spilled tea is gone, and so is the mug. I suppose an Avox took care of it sometime during the night. They may really creep me out, but they're good at what they do, I'll give them that.

Nathan is already waiting at the door. "No sleeping in. Not today."

"What is this sleeping you speak of?" I grumble while taking a piece of toast.

"Nope, no toast," he says, taking it from me and throwing it back on the plate. "There's going to be plenty of food at the Sponsors Square today. It's a big day, you know."

"I don't know if I'll even be able to eat," I say softly. "Nathan, I think Tillie was right when she said she has no chance. Last night... she told me that she has hemophilia. I didn't know what it was, but she told me, and... and..." I took a shaky breath, trying to make myself breathe steadily again. I was starting to feel a little dizzy.

Nathan looks shell-shocked, like he doesn't understand what I just said, but judging from the expression on his face, I think he does. "Are you kidding?" he manages to say.

"No, I'm not kidding!" I snap. "Why would I be kidding about that?"

"Yeah, you're right... I'm sorry," he shakes his head as if to clear his thoughts.

"No, I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I shouldn't have gotten in your face about it. It was... unexpected, I guess."

"This is ridiculous," Nathan exclaims. "Why are we standing here arguing about it? The best thing we can do is to do whatever we can to help her."

I remember something that might... maybe... be kind of bad. "Snow was sponsoring Tillie... he told me he hoped he wouldn't regret it."

"Snow is a real shifty character," Nathan starts.

"I know," I interrupt. He gives me a look, and I just shrug helplessly.

"He probably doesn't even mean anything by it," Nathan finishes his statement. "Snow likes playing his little games with people. He probably just wanted to scare you."

_Well, it worked, _I think.

**...**

Nathan drives us over to the Sponsors' Square while the sun is still hardly up. The Games are scheduled to start at ten A.M. It's six now. As Nathan said earlier, there is a huge table laden with all the food I could ever dream of, but I feel like I shouldn't eat anything or else it might come up later on a potential sponsor.

Even this early, there are people milling the Square, occasionally approaching a mentor to strike a sponsor deal. These are the richest Capitol citizens who have all the money they could possibly want to spend on their favorite players of this year's Games.

Quickly glancing at Luke's clipboard, I notice the stats next to his name are quite a bit better than Tillie's, which is only to be expected. He hasn't climbed the ranks over the last week, but he hasn't fallen either, leaving him somewhere in the middle of the pack. As for Tillie, she isn't at the bottom of the barrel, but she's close. If it wasn't for the tiny boy from Twelve who fell off his chariot during the tribute parade, she'd be in dead last.

The big news in the Capitol today is that the boy from District One, the biggest contender in this year's Games, committed suicide last night by jumping off the Training Center roof. I hadn't known there even was a way to get up there, but when I think about it, there is a button on the elevator labeled 'R', and I never really questioned it before.

The only footage of the fall is from the shaky, grainy camera of one of the Capitolites. I guess someone wanted to get on camera all the pre-Games partying down on the streets of the Capitol, and the person next to them started screaming, leading the camera holder to swing the camera back around to the Training Center, where you can see the last seconds of a blurry figure landing on the concrete sidewalk. After that there's screaming chaos, and the camera is even shakier than before, and that's about the point where most of the news stations cut the video out.

Then I find out the boy's name. It was Horatio Ellic. it doesn't do anything for me at first, then Nathan nudges me and asks, "Wasn't there an Ellic boy in your Games?" The look on my face must be giving me away, because he quickly adds, "Never mind. You don't have to talk about it."

"No, it's fine... yeah, there was," I somehow manage to choke out. Was he somehow related to Max? I don't think Max ever mentioned having a brother. Thinking back to my days of laying in the Cornucopia with a broken arm, I recall his stories about his father with pitbull tendencies and his quiet mother, but nothing about a brother. Maybe he was a cousin? "I don't know if they're related."

"Well, as Victors, we have certain... privileges," Nathan points out. "Of course, that's only if you want to know."

I hate to admit it, but I do. I really do want to know about the possible hero of this Games who decided to end his life early and might be related to Max.

"Yeah. Why not?"

Nathan pulls aside a disgruntled reporter who's walking around with a big camera, snapping pictures of mentors making deals with wealthy-looking people.

"Hey, can you tell us about-"

"Last night?" the reporter sighs. "You ain't the only one, bub. I've been answering questions about that left and right since the sun came up."

"Yes, tell us about that. More particularly, the boy's family. Can you do anything for us there?"

"Listen, I can't just go around telling everyone everything they want to know. Do you know how unprofessional that'd be?"

"You just said you've been answering questions all day," Nathan reminds him, starting to look annoyed.

"Indirectly," the reporter replies, indirectly I might add.

"Well, how about you answer us directly?" Nathan asks. "I know old Kallell Forresto down at the office pretty well, and I can put in a good word for you to him on your exceptional field reporting ability."

"Oh, would you?" the reporter asks snidely, but he looks just a tinge hopeful.

"I could," Nathan replies. If the reporter's trying to call any bluff, he's going to have a hard time with it.

"Fine. Don't be advertising this all over the Capitol, though," he mutters. "The kid's surname was Ellic, he was the oldest son of a big-head trainer in One, a real bear of a guy. Always favored the younger kid, though, not sure why, seeing as that one was real unlike his old man. Died in the last Games, he did, and I suppose old Ellic wanted to take another shot at it."

"Was the boy - his brother's - name Max-err, Maximus?" I ask.

"I think you'd know that well as anyone," the reporter says, giving me a strange look. "You were pretty good mates last year, weren't you?'

"Um, yes, that's right, just making sure." Even after a year it still unnerves me how much people know about me.

Then the reporter leaves, but not before throwing a glance back at Nathan and saying, "Remember, you talk to Forresto!"

"Who's Forresto?" I ask dumbly.

Nathan laughs. "Kallell Forresto is the big boss down at the newspaper offices, and I'm sure that roving reporter would kill to get a promotion."

"So you're going to talk to him?"

"I suppose, I mean, I did promise," Nathan says. "The only thing is, that reporter never gave me a name to go off of when I do."

He's right. "Wow. Um... talk about raining on his parade."

Nathan shrugs. "He rained on his own parade." A man with bright red skin and actual _horns _on the top of his head then pulls Nathan aside to talk about Luke, and I'm left alone. I'm actually okay with that, because it gives me time to think. With all this new stuff, I've almost forgotten to be worried about Tillie and Luke. _Tillie more so than Luke, _I tell myself. _Luke won't bleed to death if he cuts himself on his sword. _

And then there's Horatio Ellic. Max's brother. I didn't know he had a brother. And why did he jump off the roof? As much as I'd like to know that, there's also the problem with my father - more accurately, the notes claiming he's alive.

It sure would be nice to talk to Dad again, if it turns out the notes tell the truth.

But now, I don't have time to think about that, because Snow is now here, and he's just spotted me.

"Ah, just who I was hoping to see!" Snow says in mock surprise. Good thing he hadn't snuck up on me, because I'm prepared for his aura of creepiness now. Well, kind of. As much as it'd possible to be, I suppose. A decent compromise.

"Is that-" I stop myself from saying 'is that so?' in case that sounds too impertinent - I really do worry about the strangest things - and correct lamely, "Yeah?"

He raises an eyebrow, a skill I don't have but sometimes wish I do. "Actually, yes. It is a rather important day for all, is it not?"

"I won't disagree with you there," I say, impressively civilly considering how my day's been going so far.

"And how is the young girl doing?" Snow asked politely. Once in a while I really do wonder if he's just faking his overly polite demeanor. Obviously, yes. Who is that polite in real life? Honestly. I bet that's not how he acts around his friends. It's around then I remember that this is Snow we're talking about, and Snow doesn't _have_ friends.

"Well, obviously she's nervous, but... doing fine." I need a lying award. I really do.

"Lovely," he says, and walks away, somehow leaving behind a sinister air that gets my stomach churning in anticipation for the Games again. By 9:45 all the tributes will be waiting below the arena. I remember my own experience with that situation exactly a year ago. I was still seriously thrown off by my accidental eavesdropping the night before - I really was stupid, I think to myself, not for the first time - and not in good shape at all. I'm glad I never have to go in that arena again. If there's one good thing about being a Victor, that's got to be it.

I wish Briar and Mizar were here. Those two are always giving off a sense of happiness even on days like this one, and just having them here right now might ease a bit of the tension. But right now they're with Tillie and Luke, who probably need more tension-easing than I do.

Then the big temporary screen that was set up directly across from the one that was constantly showing every tribute's current odds - which I tried to ignore, because every time I looked at it, it just made me feel queasy - flickered to life, showing a live broadcast of the twenty-four - no, twenty-three, because Horatio Ellic is dead - tributes standing on their platforms, some looking beside themselves with anticipation, some trying to put on a brave face, others just looking like they wish they hadn't eaten breakfast that morning.

The sixty second countdown began, and I had to fight down a wave of nausea myself. A sudden, intense flashback of me staggering around in the Cornucopia clearing, me barely saving myself from getting killed by Gunther twice, and the confusion. The chaos. When my swimming head decides to return to the present, the timer on the front of the Cornucopia is down to fifteen, and I duck my head. I feel weak for doing that. As a mentor, and a victor, I should be showing a little more grit, sucking it up and watching Luke and Tillie. But... I can't.

"It's always the worst the first year," Nathan mutters to me under his breath. "It doesn't get any less painful, really... you just learn to deal with it."

I don't want his pity. I should be stronger than this. Back when I was younger, I could watch the Games with nothing more than a tinge of revulsion. I should be getting better at this, not worse!

_You didn't know what it felt like then._

_And now you do. _

With my head pounding, I manage to look up. There isn't a whole lot to see, not during the live stream. It's a blur of confusion, with kids running everywhere and the Gamemakers in charge of the streaming are trying to show equal footage of every tribute, so it's a whirl of color, yells, and the flashing of metal weapons in the sun.

I do pick up that this year's arena is on a mountain. I see one tribute I don't recognize not looking where he was running, doing whatever he can to get away from the fight, not be able to stop himself quickly enough, and he plummets off a cliff. I hear a sickening crunch as he lands. No Tillie. No Luke. I think that's a good sign, because I'm getting the impression that they're trying to show all the deaths now, saving the rest for the replays later.

The bloodbath is long, almost half an hour. I can hardly make myself keep watching, but I do, because I can't bear looking away for a second in case I might miss Tillie or Luke.

I see Luke only once, and he has blood on his hands, but it's not because he killed anyone. One of his allies, the girl, was hurt during the bloodbath by one of the Careers, and Luke and the boy from 7 are trying to help her, but she's a lost cause, I can tell already. She slowly drifts away, and about two hours into the Games, she's dead.

At around 2:30, my stomach growls, reminding me I skipped lunch. Funny how I can still be hungry at a time like this. I still don't want to tear my gaze away from the screen, but Nathan, who is sitting nearby at a small table, staring intently at the live footage, says without looking away, "Go get some food. I'll tell you if I see either of them."

I do as he says and make my way over to the table still heavily laden with food. I guess a lot of the others in the Square had a morning like mine - sick, then nervous, then sick again, then too focused to eat. I take a plate of pasta for myself, and decide to grab another one for Nathan. Then I notice a tray of small butter cookies, and my stomach churns when I remember those were the same ones that Luke had eaten on the train. I wonder if I'll ever see him again. Two Victors in consecutive years from District 4? It's highly unlikely, and I don't want to get my hopes up, but I think a small part of me believes he'll win, and I'll be crushed if he doesn't.

When I get back to Nathan, he does nothing but point at the screen, and I slam the plates of pasta down on the table. Tillie is being shown. She's found a tiny cave, so small she hardly fits in it, and she's even paler than usual, hunkered down and inspecting a small cut on her arm. It's only an inch long and barely bleeding, but she's looking at it like she's just been sliced to bits and is about to bleed to death.

Which, I remind myself, she might. _No, not from a cut that small... _but if she manages to hurt herself more than that, which is inevitable, she will.

The rest of the day, Luke is shown five more times and Tillie twice. Nothing notable happens to either of them. Most of the live stream is focused on the Career pack, who are going around chopping down trees with an axe the girl from 2 picked up. It looks like they're trying to build some kind of raft to get across the large river they've been hanging around, and I can see why. On the other side of the river, there's a huge and promising-looking cave. One tribute had already drowned in the river a few hours earlier.

At about ten, Nathan finally gets up from his station in front of the screen and tells me we should leave and we can still watch the live stream from our apartment in the Training Center.

Right when we get there, the mentor from District Five pulls Nathan aside, and Nathan tells me I can go on without him. I step into the elevator, and reach out to press the button reading 4, but something stops me as I notice, for the first time, really, the button on the top, that reads R.

Roof.

Where Max's brother was last night. Where he jumped off of. I press that button instead, and take a longer elevator ride than usual. When it stops, I step out onto the roof. It looks really nice up here. The glittering lights of the Capitol stretch as far as I can see, and the noise from the streets below doesn't manage to drift up to this height, making it seem oddly peaceful. I walk over to the edge and lean over the railing...

But I can't. It stings me, and I jump back in surprise. A force field? Not a very strong one, because if it was I'd be unconscious, but effective nonetheless. They must have put it up today, to stop any future tributes trying a stunt like Horatio Ellic.

So I just lean against the railing and look out into the night. I don't know how long I stand there, but at some point I remember I didn't tell Nathan where I was going, and anyway, it was pretty late, and I'm going to have to be awake early tomorrow, so I turn to go back to the elevator.

As I do, my hand brushes something on the railing. A sheet of paper. My heart almost stops when I see it. Is it another one of the notes that I've been getting, saying my father is still alive? I've been anticipating the next one, but now that it's here I don't know what to think. So I just pick it up and unfold it.

It turns out not to be a note claiming my father is alive. It's covered in messy handwriting, like the writer was in a hurry to put the words down, and in the dark I can hardly make out the words, but what I can make out was not at all what I expected.

_I can't do it. For the last year, I've been living under a facade, trying to convince myself that this is what I wanted, this is what I've always wanted. That there's nothing else I can live for now. I've been trying... but I can't. _

_My name is Drake Feuilly, I hope whoever finds this is someone who will share it with the world. Read carefully. I want it all to be known. I want to reveal Jackson Ellic for what he is, a lying, cheating, conniving fraud. _

_I lived as a common house worker for the wealthy Ellic family. They had one son, a boy named Maximus. He was a year younger than me, and although we were never the best of friends, he treated me a good deal better than anyone else I've ever met. Especially his filthy father. He's dead now, and I want him to be remembered as a good guy. I could tell he wanted to step out of his father's shadow, and I think when he went to the Games, he did that. He's his own man now, wherever he is. _

_When Maximus died, Jackson Ellic was furious. He went on a rampage, hitting his wife, hitting his workers, destroying some perfectly good pottery. His son was supposed to win, and he was supposed to do whatever he needed to do that. That Mags girl, who was a good friend of his, he was especially mad at, I think. I reckon he wanted Max to kill her earlier, and it really didn't help that she ended up winning. And the one who killed him? The kid from Twelve? Well, I heard something bad happened to his brothers last winter, one of them died even. It probably happened for a reason._

_So he didn't want his dead son getting his reputation all messed up, so he faked having another son, a son who was better than Max, a son he'd been kept secret for so long because he wanted it to be a surprise to the world when he won the Games. So he chose the worker he thought was the buffest or whatever, and fed him and trained him up a bit. This worker was already strong from a life of heavy labor. His name was Drake Feuilly. Me._

_I went under the alias of Horatio Ellic, and the rest you probably know. I became the favorite, Max's long lost brother. I was going to be Jackson Ellic's saving grace. _

_And I hated it. I still hate it. And that's why I'm writing this now, here in the dark on the roof of the Training Center. It's nice, quiet, almost tranquil up here. I've made my decisions, tried to set my life straight. Right now, I feel the most peaceful I've felt in my whole life, I think. _

_By the time this gets found, I'll be dead. But I'll be dead on my own terms, not the Capitol's, not Jackson Ellic's. I want to end my life a free man, not a slave, not a pawn. I want to be an inspiration. _

_I am Drake Feuilly._

_I am not a piece in this Game. _

By the time I'm done reading, I'm shocked to find that I've teared up just a bit. I'm not even the emotional type, really. Ironic, isn't it, how it was me who found Drake Feuilly's last words. I don't even register that he basically said that I was in danger from Max's dad.

That letter, those words... they made me feel like I have to do something, too, somehow. I'm not going to be leading a revolution or anything, but if there's one thing I can do, it's fulfill Drake Feuilly's last wish and make his letter known. My common sense tells me I shouldn't. I'm sure if I asked Nathan or Kai, they'd say I shouldn't. But I need to.

I fold the paper up again and put it in my pocket, then I take the elevator back down to the apartment.

"Where have you been?" Nathan asks. He's sitting in front of the TV screen, still watching the live feed.

"On the roof," I said. "They put up a force field."

He frowns and turns to look at me. "You weren't thinking of-"

"No, no, of course not," I say quickly. "I wouldn't. Ever. I was just... thinking."

He nods and turns back to the screen. "Mentoring. It's not an easy process."

"I thought life's supposed to get easier once you win the Games," I mutter. It didn't for me. It didn't for Kai. It wouldn't have for Drake Feuilly, if he had ended up winning.

Nathan gave me a wry smile. "I guess we can't exactly sue them for false advertisement, can we?"

Slowly, the pieces of a half-baked plan that I'll probably end up regretting later start to fall into place. "Hey, Nathan, you know how you're going to go talk to that newspaper guy?"

"Kallell Forresto? Yeah, why?"

"I'd like to come with you. There's... there's something I'd like to discuss with him."

* * *

**Sigh. I'm rubbish at making up last names. Drake's is basically a not-very-good Les Miserables reference. **


	14. Chapter 14: Stab

**This is not a happy chappy, guys. Just warning ya. I had fun writing it, though. (Man that sounds pretty messed up when I put it like that.) There's also a kinda graphic death towards the end, so if that isn't your thing, then you may want to skip that part! But then again, would you really be in the Hunger Games fandom if you couldn't handle gore? Ha. I feel like the end kind of flopped, because I was in a hurry to finish it because I was being called to go to supper, but in general, I like it. **

**I changed my profile pic! YAY! It says Keep Calm and Build a Barricade! :D I think the cover pic for this, though, has seashells on it or something. **

**I was supposed to get my class schedule for school today! But I didn't! :( I want to know so I can compare my schedule with all mah peeps! (Lol, none of them are probably even reading this.) I guess I'll give 'em until midnight to get me my precious schedule. But nooooo longer. I'm taking Honors English, whooo, scary! (Nah not really, English has always been one of my easiest classes.) And I had a weird dream last night where... uh, never mind, I'll just write about it on my profile where no one will read it anyway, 'cause you guys probably want to read the chapter, don't you? **

* * *

The next morning finds me sitting in a Capitol newspaper building, waiting to be accepted into Kallell Forresto's office. Certainly a place I'd never go to under normal standards, but with the note I found on the roof last night crumpled up into a ball in my fist, I tell myself these are not normal standards.

"Are you sure he'll see us?" I ask, watching a few rejected Capitol citizens leaving after being told that Mr. Forresto would not be able to fit them into his schedule.

"He'll see us," Nathan says, leaning back and stretching. "We're two victors loitering his office. Victors don't just loiter newspaper offices unless they've got something important to talk about." He shoots a glance over at me. "Which you do, right?"

"Yeah, I do," I say. I don't tell Nathan what it is, and to his credit, he doesn't ask. I guess he figures I'm old enough to make my own decisions or whatever.

Nathan turns out to be right; we only have to wait about twenty minutes before we're called in by the secretary, which makes a few guys who claimed to have been waiting there since dawn pretty mad. We go into Kallell Forresto's office, where Forresto is sitting at an extensive desk playing with a Newton's cradle. I think it's named after someone, but no one I've ever heard of. Probably from before the Dark Days. The only indicators that Forresto is a citizen of the Capitol are his bright green hair and matching suit.

"Nathan Alanson," Forresto says, a wide grin spreading over his face. "Long time, no see."

"Well, Forresto, I'm hoping you remember why," Nathan says.

"Of course I do, mate, now what is it?"

"I'd just like to report the incredible diligence of one of your field reporters."

Forresto laughs. His laugh is loud and roaring. "Come now, Alanson, what did he tell you? That's bribery, if I ever saw it." I decide that Forresto is all right. He shakes his head, looking very amused. "But nothing I haven't gotten used to. Bribery is a way of life, after all. Bribery and blackmail and deceit. Is that all, now? And I was so hoping to have a nice, long talk with you, too..."

"Actually, Mags wanted a word with you. I'll step out, now." Nathan leaves, and I face the newspaper editor, who grins again.

"Now what would a victor like you want with a guy like me?" He asks in fake curiosity.

"Um..." I try to swallow, but my throat is unusually dry. "I'm going to assume you know about Horatio Ellic."

He gives me a condescending smile. "More than anyone, my dear."

"I, uh, found this, and, well... how about you just read it." I take the note out and flatten it on his desk. Then I turn it towards him and he scans Drake Feuilly's note with a blank expression. When he's done, he looks up at me, and there's a moment of silence before he says,

"And why do you think I should publish this in my paper?"

He's messing with me, I'm pretty sure. Trying to get more facts than I would normally share. He's going to publish it no matter what I say, I try and tell myself. But looking at him, it's hard to believe. I think I've found the person with the best poker face in all of Panem. "Because people should know," is all I say.

"This could be considered treasonous, you realize that, do you not? I could get shut down for it. You realize that, also? And you still think I should put it out?" He drops his voice to a whisper. "If you were in my place, what would your choice be?"

"I would do it," I say, even though I'm not sure if I would. The implications of publishing something like this do have deadly undertones. "And, I don't know, you can make him out to be insane or something." I am a coward for backtracking on myself. I know it, and Forresto knows it, too. I can't shake the feeling that he knows more about my motives than I do. To see Drake Feuilly's note brushed off as lies, insanity, the ramblings of an unstable teenage boy, wouldn't be fitting for the one who jumped off a roof so he could die a free man.

"I can make him out to be insane or something," Forresto repeats slowly. He raises one eyebrow and looks at me very seriously. "But I don't want to do that. I am going to publish this, and I am going to do it right. But I want you to know I'm quoting you on it all, for being the one to bring this information to me, for being the one to bring this to the light."

He is testing me. Trying to gauge how much I really want this published. "It's a deal," I say, crossing my arms.

Forresto stows the note in some pocket of his suit. "I would be careful, Mags Oceanus. This is a dangerous game to play."

* * *

The rest of the day is spent at the Sponsors Square again, watching. Observing. Though we're the mentors, we can send in the sponsor items, the tributes are out of our hands now. Their fate is up to them. And, I suppose, the Gamemakers, who could easily send something that would kill a tribute without a second glance.

Briar and Mizar are with Nathan and me today, and the four of us watch intently. I have a childish fear that if I talk about how well they're doing, they'll end up in a hovercraft an hour later. It's like when you blow out your birthday candles and make a wish, only you can't tell anyone else what your wish is or else it won't come true.

No real changes happen on the second day. Luke and his ally are walking around the outskirts of the arena instead of climbing the mountain to gain a vantage point. Smart of them, in a few ways, but possibly foolish. Either one of them could easily be hit with an arrow from higher ground.

Tillie doesn't venture out of her cave. I wish I could do more to help her. I sent a package of bandages last night, but I don't know if that would help her much in a time of real need. What she did with the bandages was wrap them in a few layers around the most exposed area of her body - her arms. Her tight black pants are thick enough to ward off brambles or other small things that could cause bleeding.

Before I go back to the apartment that night, Briar pulls me aside and tells me I've been looking awful all day.

"It's just the stress of having Tillie in the arena," I tell her. "I thought it was bad enough being in there myself. It's almost worse having someone who I'm technically responsible for in there instead. If she dies, the blame will be on me."

"It will be on her," Briar replies. She's trying to be helpful, but it isn't as effective as she wants it to be. "Nathan's only brought back one tribute alive, and you don't see District 4 shunning him from the community, do you?"

"It's not that," I say, shaking my head. "It's the guilt. Maybe they won't blame me, but I will. I won't be able to forgive myself."

"It's fine," Briar says, pulling me into a hug. "Less than a week, I'd say is left. Maybe five or six days and everything is done."

"Until next year," I remind her.

"You're not coming here next year," Briar tells me. "Kai and Nathan will mentor. You'll be able to get some rest. Besides, once this year's Games are over, isn't your cousin getting married?"

"He is," I said, letting a small grin break through, remembering how he told me to make these Games be fast. "And how about you and Mizar?" I ask.

That makes Briar cringe a bit. "I can't say I haven't thought about it, and I think the same must be true for him. But we've been sort of... avoiding the topic. We're giving it some time."

"That can sometimes be best," I tell her. Then I retreat to my room and sleep, although unfortunately it isn't dreamless. I'm surprised my brain hasn't run out of ways to make Tillie die yet.

* * *

On the third day there are whispers. Whispers in the street, whispers in the Square. And I know why. A single glance at today's newspaper headlines are all it takes. Forresto published the note.

And, as I'd predicted, Nathan isn't happy.

"If I'd known that was what you were going to tell Forresto, I'd never have let you do it, and I think you know it." I won't argue there. "I don't know if you realize how powerful Jackson Ellic really is. He won't be happy to hear this, Mags. If it wasn't for you, Drake Feuilly's secret would have died with him. Now he's been revealed. Laid bare for everyone who's anyone to inspect his lies."

"Are you saying it shouldn't have been brought to the public's attention?" I ask.

"I'm saying there are better ways to go about things than this! Why didn't you just tell me about it? We could have worked something out."

"No, we wouldn't have," I argue. "You would have told me to leave it alone. I don't know why I did it now. It just felt like something I had to do."

Something sparks in Nathan's eyes, and if I didn't know better, I'd say it's fear. "Are you a part of anything I should know about? Or Kai should know about, for that matter? Or are you and him just caught up in something you don't understand?"

"What, are you asking if we're rebels going around having secret meeting where we talk about how we're going to kill President Burns? No, of course not! Neither of us are into that stuff." At least, I don't think Kai is. I like to think he'd tell me if he was, but if he thinks I'd have a reaction like Nathan's having right now, he probably wouldn't. "Although maybe the rebels have the right idea, if they do still exist. Are they out there? I bet they are. My father was one of them, and he died for it. It's no secret that I have no love for the Capitol."

"Be quiet!" Nathan says furiously, clapping a hand over my mouth. "You can't talk like that, not here, not anywhere! Not ever!"

I shove his hand away, even though I know he's right. "Are you scared, Nathan? Are you? I think you have enough sense to see that the Capitol is evil. They have to be revealed somehow!"

"Yes, I am scared!" Nathan exclaims. "And for good reason! Do you know what the Capitol can do to you, to your family? To anything you love? The stories are everywhere, there are too many reasons why you should just keep your head down and try not to get in their way."

I know he's right. That's the safe thing to do. But is it really what I want to do? I don't know. I want to talk to Kai. Maybe he'd listen. Then again, maybe he wouldn't. What does he believe? "Forget it, Nathan," I say, turning back to the apartment screen, watching the Careers divide up some loot from their latest attack.

I do talk to Kai that day. He calls me and the second I pick up, I know I'm in for a rerun of my argument with Nathan.

"When I picked up the newspaper this morning and your name was all over it, do you know how scared I was? For good reason, too... what have you been up to in the Capitol? I think I need some explanation!"

"I already had this talk with Nathan," I sigh, too tired to try and put up a good fight. "I've already heard I'm stupid, I should have done something else, should have let it alone, kept my nose clean and let everyone else deal with it..."

He's hesitating now, and the only thing he ends up saying is, "I'm just scared out of my wits. I want you back here alive, not like a tribute!"

"I'm going to be fine," I tell him. The tribute remark throws me a little. I think of how Tillie's family will react if - no, _when. _I need to stop giving myself false hope. - _when _Tillie comes back dead. Will they blame me? "Okay, see you in a few days, Kai," I tell him. Then I hang up.

* * *

Luke and Tillie are still alive.

* * *

It's on the fourth day that everything comes down. For the most part, everything goes normally as possible. The day is long and hot. I can hardly stand to be in the Square, outside. Stifling heat, stifling whispers. Stares that people give me as I walk by. I think about the tributes. They're in a much worse position than I am, and that's the only thing that keeps me going.

I go to take a dinner break at about ten P.M. When I come back, the sight that greets me is very possibly one of the worst things I have ever seen in my entire life. That's along with everything that happened to me in my Games.

The Career pack. They're gathered somewhere, and at first I don't realize where it is. Then I recognize the location. It's Tillie's cave. She is hidden crouched in the back, hoping they don't see her.

But they do see her. One of the girls points her out, and the leader, a strong, brutish looking boy with a sword to match his appearance, grins wickedly and walks towards her.

I feel like everything is going in slow motion. I can hardly hear what Julius Flickerman and Romano Templesmith, the commentator, are saying. I can't even hear what Nathan, Briar, and Mizar are saying, and they're right next to me. If they're saying anything at all. Maybe they're like me, lost, blank, staring at the screen, watching for the inevitable.

Tillie is stabbed once, and blood spurts out like a grotesque fountain. My stomach heaves. She's stabbed again. More blood. I'm surprised the camera hasn't been hit. I lean over and throw up right on the pavement, not even realizing what I'm doing. She's stabbed for the third time, and my vision starts to go hazy. I'm not sure anymore what I'm imagining and what is real. Every dream about Tillie's death that I had, flashing before my eyes in a terrible montage. It all blends together into the convergence of the Career stabbing her in the cave. Stab, stab, stab. Three stabs is all. It's over. A river of blood runs down the rocks, still gushing out of Tillie's lifeless form.

I find that I've been holding my breath, and even when I start to breathe again, black spots still swim in my field of vision. I reach out a shaky hand to grasp the edge of a table. Briar is right next to me, looking extremely pale. Mizar looks like he's about to be sick, but he manages to stay strong and bravely keeps watching. Nathan tells Mizar and Briar he's going to take me back to the apartment, that I'm not well. I hear and see all this through a fog of confusion, panic, death.

No, I'm not well. I don't know if I'll ever be well. It's my fault. I should have done more, I should have figured something out, I should have, I should have... I went through this same argument with myself the night before the Games, although now that she is actually gone, it's a thousand times worse.

When we get back to the apartment, an Avox is waiting right at the door, but not completely conscious of my actions, I shove right past him and continue into the main room. I lean against a couch, panting heavily. I still feel like I might pass out. In fact, that's a definite possibility. Tillie's death is on replay in my mind.

"What do you want?" I hear a voice say angrily. _Nathan, _I think. Yes, that's him. I turn around clumsily to where he's being accosted by the Avox I shoved. Nathan looks unhappy. So does the Avox. It's the first time I've seen an Avox show any emotion. I can hardly see what's going on through the haze of my thoughts. Confusion, panic, death. Stab, stab, stab.

The Avox is giving Nathan something. It looks like a piece of paper he ripped off a notepad. The Avox is gesturing wildly, while Nathan shouts something at him. I can't completely make it out, everything I hear sounds like it would if my head was underwater. The Avox fumbles around in his robe, and pulls out a pack of makeup wipes. He wipes at his face with them, taking off all the ridiculous white makeup that's been caked on. Then he turns to me, and even in the state I'm in, I know it's the Avox that I've seen multiple times before. The one I thought I'd seen somewhere. And now, I don't know how I didn't see it before. Even to me, half-conscious, traumatized, I know that face.

The Avox is my father.

"Dad?" I choke out. Nathan looks at the Avox - my dad - in alarm.

"You were telling the truth."

The Avox - I have a hard time calling him my father - nods and turns to me again. I completely break down, all the pent-up tears over everything start to spill out. I start sobbing into my father's Avox robe. It feels wrong at first. I'd lived with the fact that he was dead for thirteen years, and now he was back? He hadn't been killed in the war after all, but had been shipped to the Capitol with his tongue cut out? I didn't care at the moment. I'd think about all this stuff later, of course, but now I was barely holding on to the real world, and there was nothing I could do but helplessly cry. I felt dizzy, confused, sick, ashamed. All-around terrible.

Then the doorbell to the apartment buzzed and my father let go of me quickly, so quickly I stumbled forward a bit, barely catching a coffee table. He went into the next room, but I could see him watching around the corner.

Nathan went over to the door and opened it. Standing there were some of the last people I'd expected to show up in the Capitol at midnight, but then again, my father wasn't dead and I was slowly regaining my sense of balance. _Barely. _The stabbing was still being looped through my thoughts, but I managed to shove it to the side for the time being, mostly because my brain was completely addled at the night's events.

Kai was at the door with Frederick and his girlfriend Talia. Frederick and Talia look scared to death, and Kai just looks extremely tired. And worried.

"Why are you here, Kai?" Nathan asks disbelievingly. "And Frederick?"

Kai looks darkly at Nathan. "Jackson Ellic isn't happy. He's associated with the Capitol in many aspects, you know that. And that newspaper article... well," he glances over at me like he's scared I'll break, "The Oceanus family is dead." The same panic that struck me when Tillie died is making a return. Surely Kai can't be telling the truth. I left them a week and a half ago, and they were all in perfect health. Luis and Lilac, happy as they could possibly be. Mom, reprimanding them but actually smiling at their antics.

"They were going to get Frederick and his girlfriend, too, but I managed to get to them first," Kai continues. A strange buzzing fills my head, and Kai mumbles, "I wasn't there on time to save the others." The buzzing makes me dizzy and disoriented all over again, and someone jumps out from the hallway. My father, I realize. I can hear Nathan trying to quickly explain that he is my father, and Frederick and Kai are talking, too, but I can't register a word they're saying.

No one even notices me collapse.

* * *

**While I was writing Tillie's death I started laughing (Wow that sounds really demented), because when I wrote Stab, stab, stab, it reminded me of that weird Homeless Hitch hiker Kai video where he says "smash, smash, suh-MASH!" and it just totally ruined the mood XD. Also, did anyone see the My-Dad's-an-Avox! Plot twist coming? I always felt like I was hinting it way too hard, so I wouldn't be surprised if you did. R&R and tell me what you think! **


End file.
